Embrace of the Vampire (1995)

"An 18-year-old college freshman is seduced by a handsome vampire lover who introduces her to a dark world of carnal desires."

Since "Embrace of the Vampire" is just an excuse to see Alyssa Milano get her boobs out several times and laugh at Martin Kemp licking a door (the only thing more wooden than his performance), I'm not going to go into any depth about this awful movie. "Embrace of the Vampire" is little more than softcore porn with "Mills & Boon" dialogue, and everybody already knows that it stinks.

The only reason I've brought it up on my blog is because there's now a remake which I'll be reviewing later, and I needed to reaquaint myself with the story (such as it is) to be able to compare and contrast the two. I know some people erroneously think that I'm dead set against remakes, but in the case of "Embrace of the Vampire" anything would be an improvement. A ten-minute YouTube video of a toilet roll being unspooled by a puppy would be more horrific!

If you're not familiar with "Embrace of the Vampire, firstly, good on you for skipping it. Secondly, you'd be wise to keep things that way. There's hardly any story here apart from the blatant homages to "Bram Stoker's Dracula" (1992) and, in particular, the saucier bits. Bisexuality is the name of the game with lots of girl-on-girl, boy-on-girl/girl-on-boy, and even a bit of "The Rocky Horror Show" gender-impersonation action. At one point, there's a full blown orgy going on in a nightclub! So don't even try to argue that is supposed to be a horror movie!

Martin Kemp is terrible as a lonely vampire who needs his re-incarnated lost love to survive and is, quite frankly, embarrassing. He pops up occasionally with his shirt off, but mercifully, he has less than five minutes of screen time overall. Similarly, sexy Jennifer Tilly has a small role with some of the most cringeworthy lines she has ever been asked to deliver. I'm not going to say anything worse about Jennifer Tilly though, because she's still uber hot in spite of her character's not very well hidden identity.

The late Harold Pruett and Alyssa Milano.

As far as Alyssa Milano's performance goes, well, it's all about gazing into space, looking at the floor shyly, and not needing much prompting to get naked or succumb to any other character's sexual advances. Some of her scenes are admittedly erotic, but the pacing is all wrong for "Embrace of the Vampire" to be a truly erotic movie. There's no sexual tension, no chemistry, and the novelty factor of seeing Alyssa Milano topless gets boring pretty quickly unless you're a megafan of "Charmed".

Because this is a very '90s production, the late Harold Pruet plays Alyssa Milano's boyfriend, and there are small roles for Jordan Ladd and Rachel True who have both gone on to better things. None of them stand out in either a good or bad way, but it's mildly interesting to see such a gathering of "teen" stars in one place. The fact that none of them were actually teens at the time is just the way things are in the movies, and it's not worth making a fuss over.

I don't have anything good to say about "Embrace of the Vampire", and I've noted all the important bits, so now I can move on to the remake. Apparently, it's produced by the same people behind "I Spit on Your Grave" (2010), and there's supposed to be a more coherent story to go with all the boobs and blood. We shall see.

Don't you just hate it when they put the wrong names above the heads?

Daughters of Darkness (1971)

(AKA Les lèvres rouges)



"A newlywed couple are passing through a vacation resort. Their paths cross with a mysterious, strikingly beautiful countess and her aide."

I was tempted to embed the full movie from YouTube above as that was where I lazily rewatched "Daughters of Darkness" rather than pulling out my DVD, but I don't expect it will around much longer. "Daughters of Darkness" might be quite an unknown film to a lot of people, but it's most certainly not in the public domain. It's not even that expensive as a 2-disc special edition to justify the piracy of the Blue Underground release.

I'm not really going to go into a lot of detail about "Daughters of Darkness" because I think it's one of those movies which you are better off not knowing too much about before you watch it. There isn't much of a story to retell anyway as "Daughters of Darkness" is more about its aesthetic appeal and the way the characters interact than anything else.

Directed by Harry Kümel, "Daughters of Darkness" is a visually stunning yet languid and almost arthouse piece of European erotica. It is also a horror movie, of course, but the horror is more in the background until the end. The focus throughout is really on the extremely dysfunctional, sadomasochistic relationship between Stefan (John Karlen) and his newlywed bride Valerie (Danielle Ouimet).

Not to put too fine a point on it, Stefan has a little bit of a secret which is one of those things which causes hours of debate for movie buffs, but with Countess Bathory (Delphine Seyrig) turning up, he's not the only one who isn't what he seems.

Many reviewers fuss over how much Delphine Seyrig looks like Marlene Dietrich, but apart from the rather uncomfortable looking hairstyle, there are few similarities between the two. At times, good lighting makes Delphine Seyrig looks extremely beautiful which, coupled with her smoky voice, makes her quite sexy. Occasionally, with more shade, she really looks her age and isn't so hot at all, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

The same thing happens with everybody in the film. There are times when even John Karlen (formerly of "Dark Shadows" and later to be Harvey in "Cagney and Lacey") looks attractive, and other moments where he looks quite old and tired. His acting is mostly sub-par, and the way he mispronounces "Ostende" as "Ostand" is jarring, but when he's being bad, he's kind of great. His naked buttocks will probably still haunt you forever though.

Danielle Ouimet is anything but plain with her long, blonde hair and model figure yet, unless you are really into Abba, she may be an acquired taste. With a great deal of nudity in "Daughters of Darkness", you have to be grateful that most of it is due to her.

Personally, I think Ilona (Andrea Rau) is the sexiest of all of them. Her bobbed haircut may not be the most flattering as it makes her look like a goth version of Louise Brooks, but she exudes hotness. In case you are wondering, yes, she does indeed like to get naked a lot too.

Unsurprisingly, Delphine Seyrig keeps her clothes well and truly on. Trust me on this though, she still contributes an insane amount of eroticism with only her hands and long, red fingernails.

When I first saw "Daughters of Darkness" back in the early '80s, I was just the right age to appreciate the women and not understand any of the deeper psychosexual disorders which were being played out. Today, if I wanted to be cynical, I could just write most of the story off as a load of bed-hopping by deluded bisexuals, and simply note how the various seductions were parodied to some extent by "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" a few years later.

As far as vampire movies go, "Daughters of Darkness" is a lot more adult and intellectually appealing than many others from the same era. How much of that is accident and how much is design is hard to tell especially when you listen to the director's commentary. Having heard Harry Kümel being rather dismissive of his creation, I still think that "Daughters of Darkness" is a slightly flawed masterpiece.

I highly recommend that you watch "Daughters of Darkness" for yourself and make up your own mind about it.

Vampyres (1975)

(AKA Vampyres: Daughters of Dracula)



"A lesbian vampire couple waylay and abduct various passer-byes, both male and female, to hold them captive at their rural manor in the English countryside in order to kill and feed on them to satisfy their insatiable thirst for blood."

I'm not going to spend too much time on "Vampyres" since it isn't a very good horror film even by 1970s' standards. Of course there are those that will disagree especially if they think that Marianne Morris and Anulka Dziubinska are the two most beautiful vampiresses they've seen outside of Harry Kümel's "Daughters of Darkness" (1971). Comparing "Vampyres" to "Daughters of Darkness" though cannot possibly end in a good way especially as, due to alternative titles, some people might confuse this inferior British dreck with the Belgian classic.

Basically, "Vampyres" is a mediocre entry into the vampire genre with hardly any plot and an ending that will leave you scratching your head in puzzlement. If it wasn't for the presence of some decent actors and the reuse of the obligatory Oakley Court in Windsor for the location, I don't think that this film would deserve much more than just an acknowledgement that it even exists.

The only thing which stood out for me apart from the obvious but unsatisfying sex scenes was an early role for Brian Deacon who is now better known for playing Neil Kincaid in the British soap "Emmerdale" back in the 1990s. It's always amusing to see where TV actors started off especially when they still exude that "I bet they were famous in the '70s" aura about them. Another recognisable face is his onscreen girlfriend here, Sally Faulkner, who, interestingly, has gone on to star in many of the same TV shows as Brian Deacon since.

Reading through the cast list reveals several bigger names who you can barely imagine being associated with a horror film like this (including Michael Byrne from "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade") though most of them didn't achieve much outside of television. The big star of "Vampyres" was Murray Brown and he appeared to quit acting entirely only a few years later.

If any of this nostalgia interests you then you should definitely check out the director's commentary on the DVD as it is quite entertaining. José Ramón Larraz has made a ton of Spanish movies and quite a few horrors though not in a good way. He's not quite in the same category as Jess Franco as he does have a couple of good films to his name but finding them in any format might be quite difficult. Anybody who has seen all of them has both my respect and my pity even though I'd love to own a "Larraz DVD Collector's Set" myself.

I didn't actually hate "Vampyres" but it was one of those instantly forgettable films that you don't really want to watch again for some time if you can help it. When you realise how many much better horror films were available in the mid-1970s, it makes it all considerably weaker. Even the sex scenes which were meant to sell this are so constrained by the censorship of the time that they are a bit tedious and boring.

If you wanted to really amuse yourself you could watch "Girly" (1970) and imagine that this is what happened to their house five years after the 'family" had moved on and bisexual vampires moved in instead.