Lesbian Vampire Killers (2009)

(AKA Vampire Killers)



"Their women having been enslaved by the local pack of lesbian vampires thanks to an ancient curse, the remaining menfolk of a rural town send two hapless young lads out onto the moors as a sacrifice."

As much I as loathe and detest horror-comedies when I saw the title of this film and heard that it had two of my favourite British actors in it (neither of them being James Corden by the way), I was really looking forward to seeing it. I also had a feeling that I was going to be disappointed, but to what extent I couldn't possibly imagine.

For an adult sounding film "Lesbian Vampire Killers" is just on the wrong side of childish no matter what your horror or comedy tastes are. There's no real gore or nudity even if there are some very beautiful semi-clad women in it who kiss and fondle each other. I suppose you might find it sexy if you are eleven years old and get a giggle out of the title.

The comedy, such as it is, would seem puerile even in a real teenage comedy such as "The Inbetweeners". The British swear words and attitudes are refreshing, but two thirty year old men acting like pubescent teenagers is more pathetic than amusing. It's not that there's anything particularly wrong with either Mathew Horne's or James Corden's performances, but the script isn't particularly funny. I'll admit that there are a couple of good lines though they aren't exactly side-splitting.

It's all really a very bad parody of "An American Werewolf in London" and the Hammer "Karnstein" films with a title inspired by Roman Polanski's much better spoof.

I was hoping that Paul McGann (my main reason for wanting to see this) was going to make the whole sad affair a little bit better and he did. His role as a vampire hunting vicar is a highlight for sure even if it doesn't really amount to anything much.

Now in case you are thinking that I'm being too harsh, I will say that "Lesbian Vampire Killers" had good production values and was very watchable. If it had been a lot more adult then it would have been really enjoyable even with all the cheesiness. Of course, the comedy would still not have been funny and the horror still not scary, but that's nearly always what happens when you try and mix the two together.

It's all pretty quick over the ground which is no bad thing unless you equate that with the word "shallow". For what it is, "Lesbian Vampire Killers" isn't totally horrible, but I have no idea who the target audience was meant to be or why this movie was even made in the first place.

I have, unfortunately, seen a lot of movies which are far worse than this so I won't rate it as an absolute turd. Horne and Corden are hardly the new Martin Clunes and Neil Morrissey of laddish behaviour, but I don't honestly think they even try to be. Mathew Horne has done some outstanding stuff on British TV and he can walk away from this pretty much unscathed. The same can not be said of anyone else involved.