2016 - The Year in Review

Damn, it's that time of year again when all the movie bloggers post top ten lists influenced by their political ideologies. So, while they cross-promote and virtue-signal each other like crazy people, I'll just calmly sidestep the circle-jerk by not making any lists whatsoever.

Once again, there haven't been enough horror movies this year to make a "Top 10 Best Horror Movies of 2016", let alone another "Top 10 Worst Horror Movies of 2016" to accompany it. Even combining all the movies from other genres which I've watched this year, it would be impossible to find 20 in total which I feel like mentioning again. It's really been that bad.

Cue the comedy tumbleweed...

Same time next year, Mr Tumbleweed?

Movies I Enjoyed in 2016

There were a few movies I liked, but apart from "Gods of Egypt", "The Huntsman: Winter's War", and "Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children", none of them were from this year.

In October, I went on a minor journey into some Hitchcock classics with "The Birds" and "Rebecca", but I couldn't sustain enough interest in old movies I'd already seen dozens of times before to continue. I also discovered that I don't actually own DVDs of the more famous Hitchcock movies to make a series out of it and found myself slipping away from horror towards what can only be described as "great works of A-level English literature turned into dumbed-down movies for the plebs". I was just about to review "Great Expectations" when I realised that I couldn't stand any more of that horribly dated old bollocks. Even "The Joy of CeX" and their ridiculously low prices wasn't enough to tempt me back once the spell was broken.

Pure shit which makes no sense.

Instead, I watched "The Wailing", hoping that South Korea was going to deliver the goods like they did with "Gwoemul" ten years ago. I got really into it to start with as it ticked all the right boxes of "otherness" and "different", but alas, it was not to last. This already tonally-challenged abomination turned into pure shit two-thirds of the way through, didn't make a lick of sense to me at the end, and I gave up on watching and reviewing movies again. We don't even "do" Hallowe'en in Britain, so there was no point in burning myself out even further.


TV Shows of 2016

Other than compulsory viewing of "EastEnders" and "Wentworth", I mainly used the television to play Xbox games this year. I didn't watch any "Game of Thrones" except the last two episodes, and I have no interest left in "The Walking Dead", "American Horror Story", or "Ash vs. Evil Dead".

I did force myself to watch the entire first season of "Westworld", although after a couple of episodes, it turned into yet another one of those shows with more padding than narrative progression. The whole thing could have been condensed into one movie without all the "Groundhog Day" repetition, flashbacks, "flashforwards", and general messing about with timelines. Oh wait, it already was. Yeah, I think I'll stick with the original 1973 movie, thank you, rather than waste my time with another "Lost". Just like how the "Losties" were dead all along, I expect the "Westies" will all turn out to be robots when "Westworld" returns for another season in 2018 (when everyone has forgotten about it) anyway.

In fact, the highlight of this year was watching Donald Trump win the Presidential Election. Considering that I'm not into boring politics, I was still intrigued enough to watch it on the BBC, who dragged the final result out forever in the vain hope that it would change in favour of their fellow Lefties. It was great but cringeworthy late night television. Watching more and more American Democrats and SJW-types get well and truly served when Hillary Clinton lost was hilarious to me, and the fallout which followed on social media was like bittersweet icing on a cake already made delicious with their salty tears of misery.

It would be fantastic if Trump's win signalled the beginning of a long overdue worldwide change back to normality and killed the annoying Millennial religion of SJW-dom, political correctness gone mad, and the crybully victim-culture which the mainstream media has milked for all it's worth, but I doubt that it will happen. The Illuminati bankers and Reptilians from Saturn have had their plans delayed a little bit, but that's all. The fact that we voted to leave the EU six months ago in Britain and still no "Brexit" has occurred speaks volumes. As the old joke goes, "It doesn't matter who you vote for, the government still gets in."


In Remembrance

A veritable shit load of actors, entertainers, and celebrities died again this year, including several "stars" who apparently only departed this plane of existence just to upset millions of people who had never been fans of theirs before. Here are the majority of the ones I heard about through the wailing and gnashing of teeth on social media. I've highlighted the names of those I knew of before they died. R.I.P.

Lennie Bluett Leonard White Yves Vincent Richard Libertini Myra Carter Anna Synodinou Umberto Raho Angus Scrimm Ed Stewart David Bowie David Margulies Brian Bedford Conrad Phillips Franco Citti Alan Rickman Micole Mercurio Bairbre Dowling Sheila Sim Dan Haggerty Lois Ramsey Glenn Frey Colin Vearncombe Abe Vigoda Frank Finlay Terry Wogan Dave Mirra Richard Gladman Maurice White William Haze Louise Plowright George Martin James Douglas Nancy Reagan Richard Davalos Robert Horton Keith Emerson Sylvia Anderson Paul Daniels Larry Drake Ken Howard Earl Hamner, Jr. Garry Shandling Patty Duke

Frank De Felitta Ronnie Corbett Douglas Wilmer Merle Haggard David Swift Martin Fitzmaurice Doris Roberts Victoria Wood Prince Madeleine Lebeau Sylvia Kauders Reg Grundy Nick Lashaway William Schallert Nicholas Fisk Valerie Lush Ian Watkin Rosanna Huffman Burt Kwouk Angela Paton Harambe David Spielberg Muhammed Ali Lidia Biondi Ronnie Claire Edwards Ann Morgan Guilbert Dave Swarbick Anton Yelchin Sharon Douglas Götz George Stuart Nisbet Robin Hardy Caroline Aherne Michael Cimino Noel Neill Corrado Farina Seamon Glass Ken Barrie Vivean Gray Terence Bayler David Huddleston Barry Jenner Cynthia Szigeti

Kenny Baker Patricia English Arthur Hiller Michael Leader Steven Hill Marvin Kaplan Peter Comi Gene Wilder Jon Polito John Hostetter Johnny Rebel Hazel Douglas James Stacy Alexis Arquette Todd Kimsey Herschell Gordon Lewis Peter Collingwood Laura Troschel Pete Burns Gary Dubin Ricky Callan Jean Alexander Richard Cavendish Margaret Ashcroft Lene Tiemroth John Carson Robert Vaughn Lisa Lynn Masters Yevgeni Lazarev Andrew Sachs Colonel Abrams Bernard Gallagher Valerie Gaunt Van Williams Alice Drummond Don Calfa Margaret Whitton Peter Vaughan Greg Lake Walter Swinburn Alan Thicke Bernard Fox Rick Parfitt

...and this evil fuck. Burn in Hell!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

2015 - The Year in Review

Although I'm obviously out of the loop when it comes to all The Asylum/SyFy Channel movies, generic Blumhouse Productions, the lazy "mumblecore" abominations, and the slew of other low-budget "indie horror" camcorder shitefests which the Millennials (who need watering) keep shilling because they have nothing else to talk about, since I haven't seen any new movie this year which could rightfully be called "horror", there's only one way this year's lists can go.

My Top 10 Best Horror Movies of 2015

My Top 10 Worst Horror Movies of 2015

If there were enough "horror genre" (in the loosest sense) movies released to make two lists with, I certainly don't remember them. Actually, all the movies this year have been forgettable.

A lot of people will argue that the fault lies in the how the studios are sticking to known formulas because they won't take any financial risks, but even though I'm not into politics, I also blame the constantly whinging SJWs and Libtards for the fact that none of today's mediocre movie entertainment has any grit to it. The special snowflakes kept pretending to be offended by everything until "the powers that be" foolishly listened and pandered to their insanity. And that's why we can't have nice things.

I'll leave the more "informative" listmaking to the "professional journalists" (you know, the nerds who flip burgers or sit in call centre cubicles in real life but pretend to be movie gurus online) who are racking their pretentious brains to come up with enough movies from obscure film festivals to populate their clickbait "end of year" articles. Now that hardly anyone buys physical media, nobody cares what they write anymore either, and thus, my non-lists (which wasted much less of your valuable time) are equally valid. Ah, the irony. They fought so hard to get their names on DVD sleeves and used every dirty trick in the book to get where they are for nothing. Comedy gold.

My Top 10 Best Non-Horror Movies of 2015

My Top 10 Worst Non-Horror Movies of 2015

It's tempting to say that "Spectre" was the worst, but I could barely stay awake through that James Blond cashgrab, and I didn't have the patience to review it. "Mad Max: Fury Road", "Terminator Genisys", and "Jurassic World" were disappointingly shit too.


TV Shows of 2015

Other than "Eastenders", "Come Dine with Me", "Gogglebox", and a multitude of British real estate programmes, I didn't watch much television this year.

The first three episodes of BBC1's "River" were very good indeed, but the rest of the story dragged before it petered out into total bollocks.

From American TV, "Ash vs. Evil Dead" and "American Horror Story: Hotel" were as insipid as everyone expected, and I stopped watching either of them after only a couple of episodes.


Remembering Those We Lost

As ever, a load of actors, entertainers, and "celebrities" died this year. Here are some of the most famous ones. There were plenty more, but I've left out the names of those who I didn't recognise and, in all honesty, never gave two shits about in the first place. R.I.P.

Lance Percival Rod Taylor Anita Ekberg Leonard Nimoy Lesley Gore Ben Woolf Robert Z'Dar Tom Towles Claire Gordon Geoffrey Lewis Richard Dysart Nigel Terry Betsy Palmer Grace Lee Whitney Richard Johnson Sir Christopher Lee Ron Moody Patrick Macnee Val Doonican

Lynn Anderson Zhanna Friske Irwin Keyes Omar Sharif George Cole Cilla Black Wes Craven Yvonne Craig Dean Jones Gordon Honeycombe Peter Baldwin Maureen O'Hara Saeed Jaffrey Warren Mitchell Gunnar Hansen Colin Welland Nicholas Smith Robert Loggia Anthony Valentine

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

2014 - The Year in Review

Since I haven't been reviewing for over a year now, but I've still been watching movies occasionally, I'll just end this year (and hopefully this blog forever) with three very subjective lists of what I consider to be the best and worst movies that I've seen in 2014.

Lots of people have tried to get me to come back to blogging. I thank them all for their encouragement and constant support, but my heart's not in it anymore. I can barely get back into character to write this post. I haven't been into the horror genre for a very long time (in hindsight, I should have stayed quit when I gave up on this foolishness back in 2011). Suffice it to say that I've moved on to other more lucrative pursuits, and I don't have time to argue the toss with online bullies.

This year has also been full of personal tragedies and unexpected bereavements which have been more important to me than reviewing stupid movies. I was already done with this pointless hobby and the dogs in mangers it attracts, but real life events cemented my decision.

On the plus side, I've cut ties with a lot of people who are too obsessed with movies for their own good (or anyone else's), I've made many new and far better friends than I ever had in previous years, and I even rekindled some old important friendships which I'd lost due to my own assholitis and neglect. We live and learn, I suppose. Well, some of us do.

Anyway, maybe you'll get something out of this post, maybe you won't. It is what it is.


My Top 10 Worst Horror Movies of 2014

1. Oculus - just another clone of "The Gate Crasher" segment of "From Beyond the Grave" (1974) but rendered incomprehensible and boring through bad writing and mostly annoying characters/acting. Karen Gillan is the only reason why anyone watched it anyway.

2. The Battery - aka Two drunken baseball players trapped in a car by zombies during a micro-budget clone of "The Walking Dead". Fucking dreck. I can't stand "The Walking Dead" either.

3. The Babadook - because it's not really horror, and although I could see what they were all trying to do, the story lacks cohesion in so many ways that it doesn't make any sense on any level to anyone (no matter how some people try to force it to). The pacing is very slow, and the movie lacks inertia, but I have to admit that it all looks good and the pop-up book is kind of cool. The kid in it is an outstanding actor for his age but intentionally annoying as piss too. A real shame because I generally love Australian movies, and I wanted to enjoy this one.

4. Annabelle - boring as shit sequel to "The Conjuring" which was also boring as shit. Sorry again, James Wan, if you accidentally read this, it's nothing personal, but you already know that I didn't like your ghostie movies.

5. V/H/S: Viral - aka Only one semi-decent segment (the parallel universe one) surrounded by more shakycam, puke-inducing, found footage shite.

6. Dracula Untold - bahahahahaha NO! Historically inaccurate and almost unwatchable! I tried though.

7. The Sacrament - "Bad Dreams" (1988) did the cult thing much better. Hell, even Kevin Smith's "Red State" (2011) did the cult thing much better. This is just a stupid Waco-style mockumentary for millennials. Aside from the horrible found footage gimmick, it all feels like an average TV movie. Not worth piss.

8. Leprechaun: Origins - No Warwick Davis? No fun! Get to fuck!

9. See No Evil 2 - a half-arsed sequel to a half-arsed WWE slasher which I didn't ever like very much. Kane is now F13's Jason and can survive being pumped full of embalming fluid. Whatever.

10. Starry Eyes - half-"Faust" and half-"Contracted" but twice as disappointing originality-wise. It could've been a classic, but it wasn't, not even for 2014. "Eat" and "Raaz 3" had similar themes. Mind you, so did "Showgirls".

Runners-up include nearly everything from Blumhouse Productions, all of the SyFy channel/The Asylum movies, and 99.9% of American indie (i.e. 5 delusional guys and a shaky Jazzcam in their backyard) horror movies made this year.

I had no interest in Ouija and didnt watch it, so I can't comment on that. I didn't ever see the remake of Blacker Than the Night either due to a very limited theatrical release. I don't consider ABCs of Death 2 to be anything other than a collection of mediocre YouTube videos, so that's not even a movie. There were others on DVD and Netflix which I watched about five minutes of each and then either fast-forwarded through or ditched, but other than Wer and The Quiet Ones, I don't remember what they were.

To balance things, however, here's a "Top 10 Best Horror Movies of 2014". Not that any of them were great, mind you, nor will any of them be remembered or thought of as "classics" in the future.


My Top 10 Best Horror Movies of 2014

1. S.O.B. Summer of Blood - yeah, it's mostly a comedy, but I liked it because it ticked every box necessary on the way through (especially for us older guys who loathe political correctness). Years ago, when my tastes were different, I would have switched something like this just after the pivotal scene, but I'm glad that I stayed with it. I hope to see more from everyone involved in this production one day. Having made some inquiries, I know that it's not a vain hope either.

2. Housebound - again, not too serious, but well acted and competent despite being all over the place tonally. It's from New Zealand, I believe.

3. When Animals Dream - sort of like "Let the Right One In" but with werewolves instead. I now prefer this to "Ginger Snaps" even though (subtextually) it's not meant to be another "coming of age" metaphor.

4. Tusk - hmmmm, bit of a theme here with comedies. It's very good though. I felt bad for the walrus guy.

5. 13 Sins - a remake, but far better than the original. Very "Twilight Zone"-ish.

6. Raaz 3: The Third Dimension - cool Bollywood horror. The best of its kind ever according to box office figures. The actresses in it are uber hot.

7. The Damned - really from last year, but I only watched it this year. It's core is "Restrepo" all over again, so the monster is not very original. Some would liken it to "Satan's Triangle" in places too. The acting and story is better and faster though.

8. The Town That Dreaded Sundown - a remake/sequel and a clone of "Scream" combined, but it's still highly entertaining and has better production values than most of the movies on this list.

9. [REC]⁴ Apocalypse - miles better than the last sequel, and a worthy finale. Possibly the second best of the entire "[REC]" series.

10. Wrong Turn 6 - Jesus fuck, the gore effects were brutal! Not the best story ever, but at least it had a story too. Apparently, all copies of this movie have been withdrawn now due to a kerfuffle over some private photographs used in poor taste and without permission. If you've already bought it, you can probably make a small fortune by selling it on eBay.

Runner up: Cheap Thrills - more of a thriller than horror, I suppose, but exceptionally good for what it is. More suspense than most horror anyway, and decent acting. I'd recommend it more highly if the hipsters hadn't latched onto it and overhyped it.

Runner-up 2: Bunshinsaba 3 - just because I hardly ever recommend Asian horror.

Runner-up 3: The Taking of Deborah Logan - despite taking me three tries to get through it.


And finally, for more positivity from a showbiz year filled with sadness, toxic people, disappointment, and negativity...

My Top 10 Movies of 2014

1. I Origins - one of the best indie movies I've ever seen.

2. Nightcrawler

3. The Voices

4. 300: Rise of an Empire

5. Bad Words

6. John Wick

7. S.O.B. Summer of Blood

8. Sin City: A Dame To Kill For - Eva Green again, 'nuff said.

9. Gone Girl

10. Edge of Tomorrow

Runner-up: Guardians of the Galaxy

Runner-up 2: Vendetta - the Danny Dyer one.

Runner-up 3: Fury

As for my "Worst 10 Movies of 2014", that would be too mean, especially since there are so many which seemed to be intentionally competing for the label. I'd like to give the top positions on that list to Lost Time, Septic Man, The Guest, Honeymoon, or I, Frankenstein, but from the major theatrical releases, Noah, The Equalizer, and Left Behind are even more boring. I haven't seen Exodus or Paddington yet though.


Bonus: My Top TV Series of 2014

1. Game of Thrones

2. Orange Is the New Black

3. The Leftovers

4. Wentworth

I haven't watched enough television to make a "Top Ten" of these either, plus I can't abide the more obvious choices of The Walking Dead or American Horror Story: Freakshow. They became too "samey", and I gave up on both. I binge-watched all of Fringe, Bates Motel, Doctor Who, and Breaking Bad earlier this year on Netflix, but they are old now (like me) and don't count.


I don't care if you enjoyed my choices or hated them, I liked what I liked and disliked what I didn't, and since this is still my blog not yours, that's all that really matters. There are millions of other bloggers publishing similar lists, so if you don't like mine, it's not the end of the world. Maybe you'll find one which you agree with somewhere else. Nobody needs to take this personally. Outside of the big name cliques and shills who all repeat each other, I'm sure everyone has different favourites from this very polarising year.

Merry Christmas, everybody, and have a very Happy New Year!

Adiós.

My Bloody New Year's Resolutions

1. Give up smoking (again).

2. Give up drinking gin (ever again).

3. Listen to more music.

4. Troll more people on YouTube. They deserve it for being monetised when I'm not.

5. Exercise at some point (maybe in June).

6. Drink fewer Monsters. Three a day is more than enough.

7. Watch and review more old films (even though I've already seen them).

8. Pay more attention to Suzi (who now thinks her name is "SHUT UP!").

9. Eat better food than Ramen noodles or the pizza from the 7/11.

10. Take my 3000 or more Monster cans back to Target for recycling and collect the 5c refund on each can.

My Top Five Worst YouTubers of 2012

One very obvious thing which I've noticed about YouTube is that 95% of the people making videos on there shouldn't be. A lot of YouTubers can barely form coherent sentences or just repeat themselves until they become boring while others alternate between being banal and self-deprecating so much that it makes you wonder if they have some kind of mental illness. You only have to look at the comments section under most YouTube videos to realise that the fanboys of the more popular channels aren't much better. Too many little kids are trolling the site, but worse than that, it's like the very worst people from Reddit and 4chan have taken it over.

YouTube has become so awful recently that I don't really like to go on there to grab trailers for my reviews if I can possibly avoid it. If things continue the way they are, I can't see the site lasting more than another couple of years before something better comes along. The sheer amount of cyberbullying which goes on will eventually force Google to lock the vile little kids out of YouTube completely. I'll never understand why they still allow 10-year-olds to make accounts or why parents let their kids watch the crap on there except that, in the first instance, more traffic means more ad revenue. The AdSense scam whereby people aren't getting paid for monetising their videos has also caused a lot of former YouTubers to give up anyway. The bottom line is that it's all about money, and YouTube isn't a very friendly place.

I could be mean and pick out the "worst five" horrible YouTubers who don't have many subscribers, but the subscribers number is only a reflection of the way YouTube manufactured and promoted its own celebrities. Just like the days of Tila Tequila and Forbidden on MySpace, a lot of it is about who got on there first. Subscriber numbers can consist of thousands of dead accounts, and they are certainly no indication of talent.

Instead, I've chosen the people who've been making videos for quite a while and, in my opinion, should know better. Have a look at this lot, and let the horror begin!


1. MissHannahMinx



There are only two reasons why any of her 435,720 subscribers watch Miss Hannah Minx, and you don't have to be a genius to see what they are. I will give her credit for providing the over-cutesy tease which the unwashed, pre-pubescent masses lap up, but the content of her videos is so devoid of anything satisfying that I can't make it though even one of them. She's a kind of joke character like Elvira except not funny and not entertaining. Unless you are desperate to see cleavage then I don't understand the attraction because, should you ever have a girlfriend who behaves like Miss Hannah Minx in real life, I can guarantee that it won't be a bed of roses at all. Mercifully, she's barely made any new videos this year.


2. Zoella



What is this insipid crap? Apparently, it's a serious attempt at recreating the blandness of morning TV in Britain. Yes, serious! It's not even a parody! This also has 413,509 subscribers!!! Ugh! What is wrong with people? If you view this, make sure you have your AdBlock enabled, because mediocrity doesn't deserve any financial reward. I couldn't even make it through 2 minutes of one of the videos on this channel without wanting to vomit.


3. PossessedbyHorror



If you think I'm being mean to someone with only 2,387 subscribers, think again. Sarah Hawkinson has 352 uploaded videos and 38,914 subscribers on her main channel which puts her in the same league as Coolduder (below). She's in this for the money, has no real interest in horror movies, comes across as scared of her own shadow, and is clearly a bag of nerves. It's hard to hate someone you don't know, but I challenge you to get through one of her attention deficit "reviews" without wanting to shake some sense into her. I don't think I've ever seen anyone so vain, self-centred, or as thick as two short planks about a subject since iJustine. On the plus side, she's a cat lover.


4. Coolduder



According to his stats, Shawn C. Phillips has made over 1,232 videos on his channel and has 38,481 subscribers. That doesn't make him a very big player except physically and, in fairness, he hasn't changed his style since he joined YouTube in 2006, but his movie reviews suck! Not only does he like almost everything indiscriminately, he doesn't so much review as just retell the plot of every movie in his own words. "Coolduder" must be conscious of what he's doing because he's a making a damned good living out of YouTube and getting lots of DVDs for free, so why would he bother to do it properly? Shawn, you are a very tragic man.


5. TheReplyGirl



Thankfully, the age of the "reply girls" including Alejandra (above) is now over, but it became a huge problem in 2012. Basically, several girls with monetised accounts (some of which, unfortunately, still exist but aren't being watched) started making 10 or 15 second replies (or whatever the very minimum length of a video could be) to anyone who was getting featured on YouTube's front page so that they could make money off the same audience. They used the same tags and the same titles in their own videos just so that they would feature on the front page right next to their target. Cleavage and misleading thumbnails almost guaranteed that little boys would click on them. It was ingenious in some ways, but so annoying and devoid of content that YouTube removed the monetisation and ended the problem after many complaints. If only YouTube would remove the monetisation from every account on YouTube, it would be a much better site.


Runner-up: Ramboraph4life



Matt has almost as many uploaded videos as he does subscribers, and that's a bad thing for someone who has only had this particular account for 2 years. Seriously, 1425 uploads in two years!!! It's insane. Most of his movie reviews are barely watchable due to Matt's pained expressions, whining voice, spitting, expletive-laden rants, and the repetition of the same points over and over again. Even at 15 minutes long, each video is a chore to get through. On the plus side, Matt does actually watch all the movies himself and occasionally comes up with some valid (although second-hand/acquired) criticism. For someone who has made the number of videos which he has, you'd think he would have learned from his mistakes by now. The video above is actually one of his better attempts.


So there you have my worst YouTubers of 2012. Who are yours? Also, would you be interested if I was to review individual YouTube videos on this blog in the future?

My Top Five Best YouTubers of 2012

With everyone else doing their end of year horror movie lists right now, I've chosen to compile something a little bit different for you.

I've already posted my "year in review" back in November, and since I haven't been watching a lot of horror movies recently anyway, I've just been surfing the monetised cesspit of YouTube for entertainment. I started off with the horror channels, of course, but then clicked on links which took me further away until the content started to be more refreshing than simply watching yet another fat guy with a neckbeard flashing his latest batch of DVDs at the camera and telling their stories in his own words. I found a couple of girls doing that too, and they also weren't up to much.

Anyway, without further ado, here are the YouTubers who I've enjoyed the most over the last 12 months. Check them all out and you might find something to interest you too.


1. Moymoypalaboy



I don't really know a lot about these guys other than they come from the Philippines and lip-sync to popular songs. They also have their own band and have become TV celebrities in their own country. Usually, it's just the two brothers in the videos, but they are sometimes joined by special guests and lots of pretty girls. Their comical expressions make these videos a good "pick me up" for when you're feeling a bit down. It's a pity that they don't make as many videos as they used to, but YouTube removes a lot of them because of copyright issues with the music.


2. Gimmeaflakeman



There's so much to this channel that it's hard to know how to describe it. Basically, Victor is a 40-something American ex-pat who owns his own English language school in Japan. He vlogs, gives Japanese language lessons, and many insights into Japanese culture in his own very entertaining and informative manner. If you don't follow J-vloggers because they are all annoying weeaboos, this man may change your opinion. He's kind of like the teacher that you wish you'd had.


3. Ashens



You could be mistaken for thinking these videos were just some snarky English guy opening cheap crap from Poundland on his sofa, but you'd also be right. Occasionally, Ashens really annoys me (not least because he's monetised to the hilt), but at other times, he's hilarious. When he reviews older electronics, it makes you wonder why they even existed and who was silly enough to buy them.


4. Maxmoefoe



There's a lot to this guy's channel including prank calls, crap he gets sent to him through the mail, computer games, and his bizarre collection of Pokemon cards. His swearing will appal most Americans, but it's nothing compared to the reality of living in Britain or Australia. For a young Aussie guy, he's pretty funny and seems genuinely good-natured underneath his trolling persona.


5. TheArchfiend



If you hate all the attention-seeking and money-grubbing "whores" on YouTube, nobody can put those feelings into words better than "The Archfiend". He's been around for as long as YouTube has been popular, but isn't nearly as famous as he should be for someone with such great rhetorical skills. There are no jump cuts, his monologues are straight to the point and rational, but sometimes he can be just a little bit too "American" for his own good (which can alienate his audience). He's a pretty decent guy underneath the act, and his various skits/parodies and rants on news items will give anyone with a brain a reason to like him.


Runner up: Mugumogu



Simply the best cat videos on YouTube. Maru is a cat whose antics and love of cardboard boxes are filmed by his Japanese owner for the pleasure of other cat lovers everywhere.


Tomorrow, I'll post my "Top Five Worst YouTubers of 2012".