2016 - The Year in Review

Damn, it's that time of year again when all the movie bloggers post top ten lists influenced by their political ideologies. So, while they cross-promote and virtue-signal each other like crazy people, I'll just calmly sidestep the circle-jerk by not making any lists whatsoever.

Once again, there haven't been enough horror movies this year to make a "Top 10 Best Horror Movies of 2016", let alone another "Top 10 Worst Horror Movies of 2016" to accompany it. Even combining all the movies from other genres which I've watched this year, it would be impossible to find 20 in total which I feel like mentioning again. It's really been that bad.

Cue the comedy tumbleweed...

Same time next year, Mr Tumbleweed?

Movies I Enjoyed in 2016

There were a few movies I liked, but apart from "Gods of Egypt", "The Huntsman: Winter's War", and "Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children", none of them were from this year.

In October, I went on a minor journey into some Hitchcock classics with "The Birds" and "Rebecca", but I couldn't sustain enough interest in old movies I'd already seen dozens of times before to continue. I also discovered that I don't actually own DVDs of the more famous Hitchcock movies to make a series out of it and found myself slipping away from horror towards what can only be described as "great works of A-level English literature turned into dumbed-down movies for the plebs". I was just about to review "Great Expectations" when I realised that I couldn't stand any more of that horribly dated old bollocks. Even "The Joy of CeX" and their ridiculously low prices wasn't enough to tempt me back once the spell was broken.

Pure shit which makes no sense.

Instead, I watched "The Wailing", hoping that South Korea was going to deliver the goods like they did with "Gwoemul" ten years ago. I got really into it to start with as it ticked all the right boxes of "otherness" and "different", but alas, it was not to last. This already tonally-challenged abomination turned into pure shit two-thirds of the way through, didn't make a lick of sense to me at the end, and I gave up on watching and reviewing movies again. We don't even "do" Hallowe'en in Britain, so there was no point in burning myself out even further.


TV Shows of 2016

Other than compulsory viewing of "EastEnders" and "Wentworth", I mainly used the television to play Xbox games this year. I didn't watch any "Game of Thrones" except the last two episodes, and I have no interest left in "The Walking Dead", "American Horror Story", or "Ash vs. Evil Dead".

I did force myself to watch the entire first season of "Westworld", although after a couple of episodes, it turned into yet another one of those shows with more padding than narrative progression. The whole thing could have been condensed into one movie without all the "Groundhog Day" repetition, flashbacks, "flashforwards", and general messing about with timelines. Oh wait, it already was. Yeah, I think I'll stick with the original 1973 movie, thank you, rather than waste my time with another "Lost". Just like how the "Losties" were dead all along, I expect the "Westies" will all turn out to be robots when "Westworld" returns for another season in 2018 (when everyone has forgotten about it) anyway.

In fact, the highlight of this year was watching Donald Trump win the Presidential Election. Considering that I'm not into boring politics, I was still intrigued enough to watch it on the BBC, who dragged the final result out forever in the vain hope that it would change in favour of their fellow Lefties. It was great but cringeworthy late night television. Watching more and more American Democrats and SJW-types get well and truly served when Hillary Clinton lost was hilarious to me, and the fallout which followed on social media was like bittersweet icing on a cake already made delicious with their salty tears of misery.

It would be fantastic if Trump's win signalled the beginning of a long overdue worldwide change back to normality and killed the annoying Millennial religion of SJW-dom, political correctness gone mad, and the crybully victim-culture which the mainstream media has milked for all it's worth, but I doubt that it will happen. The Illuminati bankers and Reptilians from Saturn have had their plans delayed a little bit, but that's all. The fact that we voted to leave the EU six months ago in Britain and still no "Brexit" has occurred speaks volumes. As the old joke goes, "It doesn't matter who you vote for, the government still gets in."


In Remembrance

A veritable shit load of actors, entertainers, and celebrities died again this year, including several "stars" who apparently only departed this plane of existence just to upset millions of people who had never been fans of theirs before. Here are the majority of the ones I heard about through the wailing and gnashing of teeth on social media. I've highlighted the names of those I knew of before they died. R.I.P.

Lennie Bluett Leonard White Yves Vincent Richard Libertini Myra Carter Anna Synodinou Umberto Raho Angus Scrimm Ed Stewart David Bowie David Margulies Brian Bedford Conrad Phillips Franco Citti Alan Rickman Micole Mercurio Bairbre Dowling Sheila Sim Dan Haggerty Lois Ramsey Glenn Frey Colin Vearncombe Abe Vigoda Frank Finlay Terry Wogan Dave Mirra Richard Gladman Maurice White William Haze Louise Plowright George Martin James Douglas Nancy Reagan Richard Davalos Robert Horton Keith Emerson Sylvia Anderson Paul Daniels Larry Drake Ken Howard Earl Hamner, Jr. Garry Shandling Patty Duke

Frank De Felitta Ronnie Corbett Douglas Wilmer Merle Haggard David Swift Martin Fitzmaurice Doris Roberts Victoria Wood Prince Madeleine Lebeau Sylvia Kauders Reg Grundy Nick Lashaway William Schallert Nicholas Fisk Valerie Lush Ian Watkin Rosanna Huffman Burt Kwouk Angela Paton Harambe David Spielberg Muhammed Ali Lidia Biondi Ronnie Claire Edwards Ann Morgan Guilbert Dave Swarbick Anton Yelchin Sharon Douglas Götz George Stuart Nisbet Robin Hardy Caroline Aherne Michael Cimino Noel Neill Corrado Farina Seamon Glass Ken Barrie Vivean Gray Terence Bayler David Huddleston Barry Jenner Cynthia Szigeti

Kenny Baker Patricia English Arthur Hiller Michael Leader Steven Hill Marvin Kaplan Peter Comi Gene Wilder Jon Polito John Hostetter Johnny Rebel Hazel Douglas James Stacy Alexis Arquette Todd Kimsey Herschell Gordon Lewis Peter Collingwood Laura Troschel Pete Burns Gary Dubin Ricky Callan Jean Alexander Richard Cavendish Margaret Ashcroft Lene Tiemroth John Carson Robert Vaughn Lisa Lynn Masters Yevgeni Lazarev Andrew Sachs Colonel Abrams Bernard Gallagher Valerie Gaunt Van Williams Alice Drummond Don Calfa Margaret Whitton Peter Vaughan Greg Lake Walter Swinburn Alan Thicke Bernard Fox Rick Parfitt

...and this evil fuck. Burn in Hell!

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

2015 - The Year in Review

Although I'm obviously out of the loop when it comes to all The Asylum/SyFy Channel movies, generic Blumhouse Productions, the lazy "mumblecore" abominations, and the slew of other low-budget "indie horror" camcorder shitefests which the Millennials (who need watering) keep shilling because they have nothing else to talk about, since I haven't seen any new movie this year which could rightfully be called "horror", there's only one way this year's lists can go.

My Top 10 Best Horror Movies of 2015

My Top 10 Worst Horror Movies of 2015

If there were enough "horror genre" (in the loosest sense) movies released to make two lists with, I certainly don't remember them. Actually, all the movies this year have been forgettable.

A lot of people will argue that the fault lies in the how the studios are sticking to known formulas because they won't take any financial risks, but even though I'm not into politics, I also blame the constantly whinging SJWs and Libtards for the fact that none of today's mediocre movie entertainment has any grit to it. The special snowflakes kept pretending to be offended by everything until "the powers that be" foolishly listened and pandered to their insanity. And that's why we can't have nice things.

I'll leave the more "informative" listmaking to the "professional journalists" (you know, the nerds who flip burgers or sit in call centre cubicles in real life but pretend to be movie gurus online) who are racking their pretentious brains to come up with enough movies from obscure film festivals to populate their clickbait "end of year" articles. Now that hardly anyone buys physical media, nobody cares what they write anymore either, and thus, my non-lists (which wasted much less of your valuable time) are equally valid. Ah, the irony. They fought so hard to get their names on DVD sleeves and used every dirty trick in the book to get where they are for nothing. Comedy gold.

My Top 10 Best Non-Horror Movies of 2015

My Top 10 Worst Non-Horror Movies of 2015

It's tempting to say that "Spectre" was the worst, but I could barely stay awake through that James Blond cashgrab, and I didn't have the patience to review it. "Mad Max: Fury Road", "Terminator Genisys", and "Jurassic World" were disappointingly shit too.


TV Shows of 2015

Other than "Eastenders", "Come Dine with Me", "Gogglebox", and a multitude of British real estate programmes, I didn't watch much television this year.

The first three episodes of BBC1's "River" were very good indeed, but the rest of the story dragged before it petered out into total bollocks.

From American TV, "Ash vs. Evil Dead" and "American Horror Story: Hotel" were as insipid as everyone expected, and I stopped watching either of them after only a couple of episodes.


Remembering Those We Lost

As ever, a load of actors, entertainers, and "celebrities" died this year. Here are some of the most famous ones. There were plenty more, but I've left out the names of those who I didn't recognise and, in all honesty, never gave two shits about in the first place. R.I.P.

Lance Percival Rod Taylor Anita Ekberg Leonard Nimoy Lesley Gore Ben Woolf Robert Z'Dar Tom Towles Claire Gordon Geoffrey Lewis Richard Dysart Nigel Terry Betsy Palmer Grace Lee Whitney Richard Johnson Sir Christopher Lee Ron Moody Patrick Macnee Val Doonican

Lynn Anderson Zhanna Friske Irwin Keyes Omar Sharif George Cole Cilla Black Wes Craven Yvonne Craig Dean Jones Gordon Honeycombe Peter Baldwin Maureen O'Hara Saeed Jaffrey Warren Mitchell Gunnar Hansen Colin Welland Nicholas Smith Robert Loggia Anthony Valentine

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

2014 - The Year in Review

Since I haven't been reviewing for over a year now, but I've still been watching movies occasionally, I'll just end this year (and hopefully this blog forever) with three very subjective lists of what I consider to be the best and worst movies that I've seen in 2014.

Lots of people have tried to get me to come back to blogging. I thank them all for their encouragement and constant support, but my heart's not in it anymore. I can barely get back into character to write this post. I haven't been into the horror genre for a very long time (in hindsight, I should have stayed quit when I gave up on this foolishness back in 2011). Suffice it to say that I've moved on to other more lucrative pursuits, and I don't have time to argue the toss with online bullies.

This year has also been full of personal tragedies and unexpected bereavements which have been more important to me than reviewing stupid movies. I was already done with this pointless hobby and the dogs in mangers it attracts, but real life events cemented my decision.

On the plus side, I've cut ties with a lot of people who are too obsessed with movies for their own good (or anyone else's), I've made many new and far better friends than I ever had in previous years, and I even rekindled some old important friendships which I'd lost due to my own assholitis and neglect. We live and learn, I suppose. Well, some of us do.

Anyway, maybe you'll get something out of this post, maybe you won't. It is what it is.


My Top 10 Worst Horror Movies of 2014

1. Oculus - just another clone of "The Gate Crasher" segment of "From Beyond the Grave" (1974) but rendered incomprehensible and boring through bad writing and mostly annoying characters/acting. Karen Gillan is the only reason why anyone watched it anyway.

2. The Battery - aka Two drunken baseball players trapped in a car by zombies during a micro-budget clone of "The Walking Dead". Fucking dreck. I can't stand "The Walking Dead" either.

3. The Babadook - because it's not really horror, and although I could see what they were all trying to do, the story lacks cohesion in so many ways that it doesn't make any sense on any level to anyone (no matter how some people try to force it to). The pacing is very slow, and the movie lacks inertia, but I have to admit that it all looks good and the pop-up book is kind of cool. The kid in it is an outstanding actor for his age but intentionally annoying as piss too. A real shame because I generally love Australian movies, and I wanted to enjoy this one.

4. Annabelle - boring as shit sequel to "The Conjuring" which was also boring as shit. Sorry again, James Wan, if you accidentally read this, it's nothing personal, but you already know that I didn't like your ghostie movies.

5. V/H/S: Viral - aka Only one semi-decent segment (the parallel universe one) surrounded by more shakycam, puke-inducing, found footage shite.

6. Dracula Untold - bahahahahaha NO! Historically inaccurate and almost unwatchable! I tried though.

7. The Sacrament - "Bad Dreams" (1988) did the cult thing much better. Hell, even Kevin Smith's "Red State" (2011) did the cult thing much better. This is just a stupid Waco-style mockumentary for millennials. Aside from the horrible found footage gimmick, it all feels like an average TV movie. Not worth piss.

8. Leprechaun: Origins - No Warwick Davis? No fun! Get to fuck!

9. See No Evil 2 - a half-arsed sequel to a half-arsed WWE slasher which I didn't ever like very much. Kane is now F13's Jason and can survive being pumped full of embalming fluid. Whatever.

10. Starry Eyes - half-"Faust" and half-"Contracted" but twice as disappointing originality-wise. It could've been a classic, but it wasn't, not even for 2014. "Eat" and "Raaz 3" had similar themes. Mind you, so did "Showgirls".

Runners-up include nearly everything from Blumhouse Productions, all of the SyFy channel/The Asylum movies, and 99.9% of American indie (i.e. 5 delusional guys and a shaky Jazzcam in their backyard) horror movies made this year.

I had no interest in Ouija and didnt watch it, so I can't comment on that. I didn't ever see the remake of Blacker Than the Night either due to a very limited theatrical release. I don't consider ABCs of Death 2 to be anything other than a collection of mediocre YouTube videos, so that's not even a movie. There were others on DVD and Netflix which I watched about five minutes of each and then either fast-forwarded through or ditched, but other than Wer and The Quiet Ones, I don't remember what they were.

To balance things, however, here's a "Top 10 Best Horror Movies of 2014". Not that any of them were great, mind you, nor will any of them be remembered or thought of as "classics" in the future.


My Top 10 Best Horror Movies of 2014

1. S.O.B. Summer of Blood - yeah, it's mostly a comedy, but I liked it because it ticked every box necessary on the way through (especially for us older guys who loathe political correctness). Years ago, when my tastes were different, I would have switched something like this just after the pivotal scene, but I'm glad that I stayed with it. I hope to see more from everyone involved in this production one day. Having made some inquiries, I know that it's not a vain hope either.

2. Housebound - again, not too serious, but well acted and competent despite being all over the place tonally. It's from New Zealand, I believe.

3. When Animals Dream - sort of like "Let the Right One In" but with werewolves instead. I now prefer this to "Ginger Snaps" even though (subtextually) it's not meant to be another "coming of age" metaphor.

4. Tusk - hmmmm, bit of a theme here with comedies. It's very good though. I felt bad for the walrus guy.

5. 13 Sins - a remake, but far better than the original. Very "Twilight Zone"-ish.

6. Raaz 3: The Third Dimension - cool Bollywood horror. The best of its kind ever according to box office figures. The actresses in it are uber hot.

7. The Damned - really from last year, but I only watched it this year. It's core is "Restrepo" all over again, so the monster is not very original. Some would liken it to "Satan's Triangle" in places too. The acting and story is better and faster though.

8. The Town That Dreaded Sundown - a remake/sequel and a clone of "Scream" combined, but it's still highly entertaining and has better production values than most of the movies on this list.

9. [REC]⁴ Apocalypse - miles better than the last sequel, and a worthy finale. Possibly the second best of the entire "[REC]" series.

10. Wrong Turn 6 - Jesus fuck, the gore effects were brutal! Not the best story ever, but at least it had a story too. Apparently, all copies of this movie have been withdrawn now due to a kerfuffle over some private photographs used in poor taste and without permission. If you've already bought it, you can probably make a small fortune by selling it on eBay.

Runner up: Cheap Thrills - more of a thriller than horror, I suppose, but exceptionally good for what it is. More suspense than most horror anyway, and decent acting. I'd recommend it more highly if the hipsters hadn't latched onto it and overhyped it.

Runner-up 2: Bunshinsaba 3 - just because I hardly ever recommend Asian horror.

Runner-up 3: The Taking of Deborah Logan - despite taking me three tries to get through it.


And finally, for more positivity from a showbiz year filled with sadness, toxic people, disappointment, and negativity...

My Top 10 Movies of 2014

1. I Origins - one of the best indie movies I've ever seen.

2. Nightcrawler

3. The Voices

4. 300: Rise of an Empire

5. Bad Words

6. John Wick

7. S.O.B. Summer of Blood

8. Sin City: A Dame To Kill For - Eva Green again, 'nuff said.

9. Gone Girl

10. Edge of Tomorrow

Runner-up: Guardians of the Galaxy

Runner-up 2: Vendetta - the Danny Dyer one.

Runner-up 3: Fury

As for my "Worst 10 Movies of 2014", that would be too mean, especially since there are so many which seemed to be intentionally competing for the label. I'd like to give the top positions on that list to Lost Time, Septic Man, The Guest, Honeymoon, or I, Frankenstein, but from the major theatrical releases, Noah, The Equalizer, and Left Behind are even more boring. I haven't seen Exodus or Paddington yet though.


Bonus: My Top TV Series of 2014

1. Game of Thrones

2. Orange Is the New Black

3. The Leftovers

4. Wentworth

I haven't watched enough television to make a "Top Ten" of these either, plus I can't abide the more obvious choices of The Walking Dead or American Horror Story: Freakshow. They became too "samey", and I gave up on both. I binge-watched all of Fringe, Bates Motel, Doctor Who, and Breaking Bad earlier this year on Netflix, but they are old now (like me) and don't count.


I don't care if you enjoyed my choices or hated them, I liked what I liked and disliked what I didn't, and since this is still my blog not yours, that's all that really matters. There are millions of other bloggers publishing similar lists, so if you don't like mine, it's not the end of the world. Maybe you'll find one which you agree with somewhere else. Nobody needs to take this personally. Outside of the big name cliques and shills who all repeat each other, I'm sure everyone has different favourites from this very polarising year.

Merry Christmas, everybody, and have a very Happy New Year!

Adiós.

Something that's been bugging me for a while

As much as I hate to break up my "Hallowe'en Countdown", I just thought I'd share a couple of grammatical problems which have arisen since I began doing my reviews as a blog back in June 2006.

When I still had a "real" website but was using MySpace to blog on, I wrote small capsule reviews in the "literary present" tense, and didn't really think about it too much. Many websites and academics will tell you that all movie reviews should be written in the present tense. That way of doing things has even become a universally accepted convention.

As I've been blogging, however, I've found myself increasingly writing more in the past tense than the present. This is mainly due to writing about older films which I've already watched rather than them being something current.

I'm not sure when my style changed, and now it's become a difficult habit to break. Looking back on my earlier reviews which were written far too quickly, contained many punctuation errors, and were, quite frankly, embarrassing anyway, I don't see any way back to how I did things before. I'm not sure that I'd even want to go there.

When I read other people's "reviews" which are written in the present tense, they don't come across as correct. I'll just explain what I mean with a snippet of one of Roger Ebert's recent reviews:

In 1984, Tim Burton launched his career with a live-action short named "Frankenweenie," and now he returns to that material for the new "Frankenweenie," a stop-motion, black-and-white animated comedy inspired by "The Bride of Frankenstein" and countless other classic horror films in which science runs amok.

Do you see anything wrong with this other than it was written by Roger Ebert and nobody cares about what he has to say anyway? I do. To me, it reads as if Tim Burton is returning right now (at the present time) to create "Frankenweenie" when, in reality, he has already made this film. It's completed and ready to watch so he's not returning to anything. He already returned to his older material, remade it, and now he's sitting back waiting for the money to come rolling in from his fans. He's not still returning to it. Therein lies the danger of always tring to use the present tense for a movie review.

Given how he began, wouldn't Ebert's sentence have read better the following way?

In 1984, Tim Burton launched his career with a live-action short named "Frankenweenie," and he returned to that material for the new "Frankenweenie," a stop-motion, black-and-white animated comedy inspired by "The Bride of Frankenstein" and countless other classic horror films in which science ran amok.

Some people have argued that writing reviews in the present tense is closer to how conversations are in real life, but I don't see it. People don't use the present tense when they've just seen a movie, do they? Here's an example of a typical conversation that I'm likely to have:

"So what did you do last night?"
"I watched a horror movie."
"Was it any good?"
"Not really. A load of people who I've never heard of were in it and none of them could act. It was crap."

See what I mean? It's all past tense. If you turn it into the present tense, it makes the person sound like a moron and you need to add a contraction to the final part:

"Is it any good?"
"Not really, A load of people who I don't know are in it and none of them can act. It's crap."

In my opinion (and logically), any discussion about something which you've seen should be in the form of a report and be written in the past tense. Some say that is just for writing about history, but if you've watched a movie and it's over then surely it is history. It's part of your history. That specific act and your reactions during it are never going to happen again.

Although you can rewatch a movie at any time, does that really bring it back into the present tense? The very medium which you are observing is also just a recording of something which has already happened. Confusing, isn't it?

Another problem which I've found with present tense movie reviews is that many people fall into the trap of retelling the story in their own words. That isn't a review, it's a synopsis. A synopsis should be written in the present tense because it's paraphrasing something which continues to exist, but a synopsis is not a review.

A movie review is supposed to be all about emotional reactions, technical deconstruction, and such like. Simply retelling the story in the present tense with occasional asides works occasionally too, but it's messier that way.

The other danger is coming across like a Bulgarian used car salesman if you choose to overwrite praise-laden movie reviews in the present tense. Everything sounds sycophantic and affected plus it makes the reader wonder if the subject matter is about a newly released movie or an upcoming release even if the title clearly states that the movie was made, for example, in 1941.

Even as someone who got the highest grades possible at University, I can't remember being formally taught anything about tenses other than in Latin classes. I still don't actually know which is the best method. My own writing sucks because I don't invest enough time manipulating the words into the best possible order, and I rarely have the patience to go back and correct my mistakes. I only write blogs (like a diary) not books which will last forever or anything important. If I use one tense over the other, it's merely the result of trying to keep things consistent rather than any other reason. It's not as if I'm earning millions of dollars from my ramblings.

It's all food for thought though. Maybe you have an opinion about this? If you do, please leave a comment below.

The Cabin in the Woods (2011)

"Five friends go for a break at a remote cabin in the woods, where they get more than they bargained for. Together, they must discover the truth behind the cabin in the woods."

As much as I really want to give you my review of "The Cabin in the Woods", with so many other horror bloggers all falling over themselves to write about the same clever yet unscary movie, I thought I'd give everyone else a chance at some page hits.

Much as I did last year with "Scream 4" (ironically another "meta-horror"), I'm simply going to list all the reviews from my blogroll as and when they happen. You can call it a "shoutout" if you like as I'm sure there are quite a few horror blogs here which you've never heard of and would be wise to follow.

HorrO's Gory Reviews - THE CABIN IN THE WOODS REVIEW
horrorfatale.com - ‘THE CABIN IN THE WOODS’ – Opens Today
The Non-Review - Cabin in the Woods, Lockout, The Three Stooges: 7 Word Weekend Review
Horror Movie A Day - The Cabin In The Woods (2011)
PLANET OF TERROR!! - The Cabin in the Woods (2012)
Dinner With Max Jenke - The Horror Film To End All Horror Films?
The Fear Corner - The Cabin in the Woods (2012) Review
Full Moon Reviews - Horror, Sci-Fi, Action, B-Movies - The Cabin in the Woods (2012)
Zombots! - The Cabin in the Woods
DARKMATTERS - The Mind Of Matt - Darkmatters Review: The Cabin In The Woods
The Man-Cave - The Cabin in the Woods (2012)
A Mighty Fine Blog - Film Review: The Cabin In The Woods (2011)
The Gentlemen's Guide to Midnite Cinema - The Cabin in the Woods (SXSW 2012)
Kilplix's Blog - The Cabin in the Woods review
Uncle Frank's Film Blog - The Cabin in the Woods
Andy's Film Blog - The Cabin in the Woods
The Fear Corner - The Cabin in the Woods (2012) Review
IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS - THE CABIN IN THE WOODS
the jaded viewer - The Cabin in the Woods (Review)
Horror Smorgasbord - The Cabin In The Woods (Review/Overview/Discussion)
The Horror Club - The Cabin in the Woods (2012)
A Wimp Does Horror - Cabin in the Woods
Horror Lovers Spot - Cabin in the Woods

Also, just like before, I'm going to wait until the DVD comes out and not get caught up in this zero-day maelstrom of spoilers (although I think you can probably tell what I thought of "The Cabin in the Woods" anyway). If you follow me on Twitter then you already know.

Anyway, if you have yet another review of "The Cabin in the Woods" which I haven't mentioned, just leave it as a comment below and I'll edit it into this post accordingly.

Scream 4 (2011)

(AKA "Scre4m")



"Ten years have passed, and Sidney Prescott, who has put herself back together thanks in part to her writing, is visited by the Ghostface Killer."

Even though I know that everybody else has been raving about going to see "Scream 4" for weeks, it doesn't really interest me so, at this present time, I'm just going to post links to other people's blogs who I know have done a great job of reviewing it already. As I see the reviews appear on my blogroll, I'm going to list them here.

Horror Movie A Day - Scream 4 (2011)
Super Marcey's Super Website - Scream 4
Black Sheep Reviews: A film review site - SCREAM 4
Horro's Gory Reviews: Reviews to die for!!!! - SCREAM 4 REVIEW
The Paradise of Horror - Review - Scream 4 (2011)
Zombies are Magic! - Scream 4: Meta Whateva
The Non-Review - N is For: Non-Review: Scream 4 - Shrunken Head Review
From Midnight, With Love - Scream 4
Obscure Movie Thoughts From An Obscure Movie Fan - REVIEW: Scream 4
Dinner With Max Jenke - Something To Scream 4
Things That Don't Suck - Scream 4
Freddy in Space - Scream 4: Just What I've Been Craven
Little Miss Zombie - MOVIE REVIEW: Scream 4
SLAUGHTER FILM - SCRE4M
Mendelson's Memos - Review: Scream 4 (2011)
Dead End Drive-in - Scream 4 (2011)
The Diary of an Indy Grrrl - Scream 4, A Relevant and Refreshing Sequel
cinebrooding - movie review: scream 4
The World of Disgruntled Monkey - Review - Scream 4 (2011)
Cannelton Critic - "Scre4m"
The Horror Club - Scream 4 (2011)
DARKMATTERS - The Mind Of Matt - Scream 4 Review and Promo
Thrill Fiction - Scream 4

This may seem like a bit of a cop out considering that I'm usually right up there with the other "zero day review" people but I just can't motivate myself enough to go and see the fourth instalment of a franchise that, in my opinion, really should have died with "Scream 3" (2000).

I didn't like "Scream 3" and I've never really been all that enamoured by Wes Craven as a director. Yes, I liked "The Hills Have Eyes" (1977) and "Deadly Friend" (1986) but I've never been a big Freddy Krueger fan and the "Scream" series was more a miss than a hit to me as well.

I have no idea how a one-time "trendy teen horror" is supposed to work again with the main characters being far from trendy teenagers now but, maybe one day, I'll watch "Scream 4" on DVD and find out.

If you've seen "Scream 4" and have a review that you think I should add to my list, please feel free to post it as a comment below.

Horror Websites Who Endorse DVDs

Seriously, how pathetic does your horror film marketing have to be for you to have to resort to using lines taken out of context from online reviewers to endorse the sleeve or slipcase of your DVD?

Ever since the overhyped and absolutely awful French "Inside", I've had a very healthy distrust of this method of using complete nobodies from the internet to recommend products. "One of the scariest movies I have ever seen in my life." Puh-leese. Give me a break!

For a start, most of the original reviews go into far greater depth than "It's two thumbs up from me!", but that'll be the only part which ever gets reprinted. One line or some exciting and alliterative words tell me nothing about the film at all.

Looking through my DVD collection, I've noticed a bit of a trend with the "Thumbs up!" business from Roger Ebert too. He may be a "real" film critic, but you'd think he could give a horror film a few words every now and then rather than just parts of his anatomy. I must have over 50 DVDs now where all it says is 'Two thumbs way up!" I can tell you where to stick those thumbs too, Roger, especially after watching the films.

Similarly, what's with all the "one of the best films of the year" nonsense? According to my collection I now have titles ranging from "one of the best" and "best in a long time" to "absolutely the best you will ever see". Depending on the date of these movies, I do of course take it all with a huge pinch of salt.

Some of the more embarrassing quotations though have always come from "Bloody Disgusting". For instance, on the back of "Hatchet", Brad Miska says, "Amongst the greatest slasher flicks of all time". Are you kidding me? I can name about 100 slasher films right now and "Hatchet", entertaining as it was, wouldn't be on that list. On "The Ruins", another great Miska quotation consisting of nothing but a short series of adjectives - "intense, disturbing and gut-wrenching" - does little to inspire confidence about what I know is on that DVD, especially as, in my opinion, it is none of those things. I'm sure if you look through your own DVDs, you'll find quite a few of these comments which will amuse you.

I suppose I shouldn't be too harsh about all this useless promotion. Most people rarely look at the sleeves anyway nowadays and just grab the latest thing whether it's good, bad or totally insipid. For a certain demographic, the words "must see" are just what they do anyway and are totally without any weight whatsoever. If you rent from Netflix, you'll never encounter an original DVD case. It's only when you are buying movies for your own collection that what's written on the back may even matter.

I have learned my lesson by believing some of the hype in the past though. When Fangoria used to tout certain movies as if they were the second-coming in plastic, I got burned a few times too. I still can't believe that I watched "Brainscan" and even more that I actually bought "Seed of Chucky" (albeit for $3 in Big Lots!).

I've seen comments on films from TV stations I've never heard of, websites that don't even exist, and newspapers that I can't ever imagine having a circulation to more than a dozen people, yet for some bizarre reason they still stick them on the DVDs. I'm pretty sure that somewhere out there there's probably some obscure title that has put my web presence as an endorsement. If you should ever see one with "Two Thumbs Up Your Arse! - Dr Blood's Video Vault" please be aware that I had nothing to do with it and you shouldn't buy that film ever!

There are a great many factors that will sell a DVD to somebody including the cover art, the content and, ultimately, the price. But recommendations from websites? You have to be joking.

No matter who you are, whether "Bloody Disgusting", "Dread Central", "Shock Till You Drop", "Ain't It Cool News", "Arrow in the Head" or just Tom, Dick or Harry (Knowles) from any number of online blogs and forums, do you really think that anyone cares what you have to say about anything now especially when the same tired old lines could be attributed to anybody at all? How can you sell out that little bit of credibility that you could have had? Was a free DVD really worth it?

I have an idea for the DVD distributors though which may change all this. Why not have the reviewers write the DVD description honestly? Now that would be an original concept. Imagine next time you pick up "Monster Venus Flytraps From Planet Lesbian" and it says, "In my opinion, this film has an amusing title but no content worth watching..." Wouldn't that be wonderful? It would save us all loads of time and we wouldn't need to blog about all the wasted hours we've spent sifting through movies which no-one in their right mind would want to watch just to find a few good ones to write about!

Well, that's my October rant over. Leave me a comment or two and let me know what you think of the skillfully designed marketing prose and pull quotes on the back of your DVDs.