Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2016)

"Alice returns to where the nightmare began: The Hive in Raccoon City, where the Umbrella Corporation is gathering its forces for a final strike against the only remaining survivors of the apocalypse."

There's no point writing any kind of in-depth review of "Resident Evil: The Final Chapter". It's just as disappointing and "samey" as all of the "Resident Evil" movies, and it's even more boring than playing one of the linear computer games that it's based on.

With lots of overly dramatic music, big bangs and explosions, crowds of zombies, close-up hand-to-hand combat, surprise T-virus mutated-zombie jump scares, and too much reliance on timers to create tension (which nearly always falls flat), you will rightly wonder who exactly this movie is intended for other than diehard fans. It certainly wasn't intended for me or anyone looking for characters with any depth or a story that can't be summarised in more than three sentences.

The only character to stand out even a little bit is Isaacs (played by Iain Glen, otherwise known as Ser Friendzoned from "Game of Thrones") who goes through various incarnations of being either a clone or the real Isaacs until you don't care which is which. Various other characters from the previous movies return as little more than cameos. Wesker, the Red Queen, and Claire whatever-her-name-is (played by Ali Larter) all get dressed up to play pretend for hardly any reason.

The rest is just a mess of running around and fighting in the dark with CGI everywhere and computery things popping up to remind you that this is all based on the Capcom console game which nobody has played since the late 1990s. It's not difficult to follow what little story there is, but it's not worth paying too much attention to it either.

There's a bit of anti-Christian nuttery to make it appeal to the Lefties, but since the motivation of the bad guys and subtext is blatantly more akin to the the rise of the SJW religion/virus and the rioting zombies who subscribe to that ideology, it comes across as a pathetic and hilarious misfire.

Sadly, the once uber hot Milla Jovovich really looks her age now (and more so, once you get the in-joke that I've just made), so I'm glad this is "The Final Chapter". Any more would be as embarrassing as middle-aged James Bond.

Resident Evil: Retribution (2012)

"Alice fights alongside a resistance movement in the continuing battle against the Umbrella Corporation and the undead."

After watching "Underworld: Awakening", it was only fitting to finish off my Sunday with another pointless action-horror which looks like a 3D computer game. At least "Resident Evil: Retribution" has the excuse of being based on a computer game series for its impressive visuals and, once again, the complete lack of any coherent plot.

If all you want from a movie is to see lots of fighting and things getting blown up, "Resident Evil: Retribution" is the film for you. Occasionally, I also like to watch those very things and have always thoroughly enjoyed Milla Jovovich getting physical so, although I'll try to be objective, my review is undoubtedly going to be biased.

Even though Milla Jovovich's Alice lacks the grace and more feline attributes of Kate Beckinsale's Selene, there's little difference between them in terms of female badassery. Milla Jovovich has slightly more tomboyish looks, but it's hard to choose between which heroine is the sexiest. Why choose anyway when you can watch both and have neither in real life?

One major style difference is that the fight sequences in the "Resident Evil" series have never been quite as smoothly choreographed as the ones in "Evolution". Both originally owed a lot to "The Matrix", of course, but the "Resident Evil" fights have always seemed rougher and bloodier. Some people prefer them for that very reason.

Alice hates cosplayers!

As far as the fights in "Resident Evil: Retribution" were concerned, I thought they were quite weak at the start with Milla Jovovich being a lot slower and more awkward than usual. As the movie progressed, her skills improved until her final battle with Jill Valentine (Sienna Guillory) turned out to be everything a girl-on-girl fight in one of these things should be. Not to be too much of a pervert, but it was definitely the ultimate battle of the latex catsuits.

The various CGI monsters were much the same as before and as close to the ones in the console games as I remember them. I started playing the games when they first came out on the Playstation back in 1997, but, as I haven't played one since I came to America, I honestly can't remember what the last "Resident Evil" game or its monsters looked like. I'm sure the latest versions have been upgraded to be more like the movies and create a more effective tie-in though.

I'm not going to say a lot about the acting as it was perfectly acceptable. Everyone was overly stressed-looking and angry as usual with only a few chances to show more depth due to the flashbacks and clones. Michelle Rodriguez stood out the most in that respect and even managed to inject some humour into her brief alternative role.

Let's face it, the characters don't really matter all that much anyway. At their best, the "Resident Evil" films are only meant to be some fast-paced, mindless fun. In this case, the non-stop action really made things fly by, perhaps a little bit too quickly, but nothing was spoiled in the process. It was certainly a lot better than "Resident Evil: Afterlife" from two years ago.

Everything looked great, the various sets of different "holodeck"-style cities were very well done, but there was still no resolution to the story which looks as if it might just be coming in the next sequel. From previous experience, I doubt that even the next "Resident Evil" movie will be the last.