31 (2016)

"Five carnival workers are kidnapped and held hostage in an abandoned, Hell-like compound where they are forced to participate in a violent game, the goal of which is to survive twelve hours against a gang of sadistic clowns."

Yet another adaptation of "The Most Dangerous Game", but this time populated with the usual American white trash characters and psycho clowns which are the norm for Rob Zombie's movies. Maybe he has something against Juggalos, or maybe he likes them? I really don't know. What's far more evident is how there isn't a whole lot of anything very original about "31".

In other words, "31" is Rob Zombie's version of "Hostel" and "The Running Man" with his very beautiful wife Sheri Moon Zombie as the star, and Malcolm McDowell picking up a pay cheque for doing not very much except play dress-up and chew scenery in the background.

Jeff Daniel Phillips as Roscoe Pepper and Richard Brake as Doom-Head steal every scene they are in, but Richard Brake is the most memorable as a cross between Rorschach from "Watchmen" and a much better version of The Joker than in any of the "Batman" movies.

The rest of the cast play mostly disposable characters who exist only to be killed off before you even have time to care about them. Everyone runs around stabbing, bashing, slicing, and wielding various weapons against each other in a very satisfying manner if only this movie had been made 10 years ago. The kills aren't very inventive, but they are competently executed. Pardon the mostly intentional pun.

Malcolm McDowell punctuates all the expected blood, gore, and violence like something out of Derek Jarman's "Jubilee" (1978), but there's not really enough of him to stand out like he often does. Shame. Fan favourites Meg Foster and E.G. Daily make up for this to some extent by adding more pathos to their performances and characters than the rest of the movie actually deserves.

Minor spoiler: Sheri Moon Zombie has lovely wrists, but the open ending is annoying.

Nicely shot, "31" isn't a bad movie, and it's certainly much better at storytelling than "The Lords of Salem" (2012), but Rob Zombie's best work still begins and ends with "The Devil's Rejects" (2005).

More crappy movies from the Pawn Shop

It was raining yesterday so I was in the mood to visit my local pawn shop again. I don't know what it is about rain and my desire to buy other people's discarded crap but it just goes together in my own mind.

Anyway, here's what I bought.

Again, because they were 4 for $10, I started off with a "Blockbuster Exclusive" version of "1408". I have no idea what makes it such an exclusive and I probably wouldn't have bought it if it hadn't been cheap. I saw the spine first and didn't know that the artwork was going to be all messed up with Blockbuster logos and other nonsense until I pulled it off the shelf.

I also decided to get "The Devil's Rejects" even though it was a full screen version because it's the only copy of it that I have ever seen in the flesh. I don't really like the film all that much but I do like Sheri Moon Zombie so it was a done deal.

Next, I saw the first two "Resident Evil" movies in a double feature pack so I had to get it. I like "Resident Evil: Extinction" anyway, and, having watched the first one again, it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. Getting what used to be a $13 double feature for $2.50 seemed worth it.

Finally, to complete the "4", I went for "Vacancy 2". The first one was good but I have a feeling that this one won't be. I've never seen it so it was a choice between this or "Creepshow III" which I watched ages ago and didn't like apart from the bit with the blonde prostitute. I'll probably review "Vacancy 2" later this week.

Do you like the pawn shops? How about the thrift stores and yard sales? What bargains have you found recently?