I've bought and watched some horrible movies in my time, but nothing prepared me for how awful this Echo Bridge Entertainment multi-feature DVD would be. I didn't make it through any of the movies in one sitting and had to do other more interesting things such as housework just so that I could wake myself up enough again to watch them in 20 minute bursts.
As you know, I got this DVD from my local pawn shop ages ago, but didn't get round to watching it. The first three movies are also in the Pendulum Pictures "Mortuary of Madness" pack, but if Mill Creek Entertainment had continued that series, the final one most certainly would have been included in the "big boxes of shite" as I call them.
Just like the Mill Creek/Pendulum Pictures packs, the transfer is terrible and the movies are even worse. While some of us can laugh at how badly made these movies are and use them to torture the people who were involved in them for the rest of their internet lives, there are actually people who like this kind of thing and who clearly have something very wrong with them mentally otherwise there wouldn't be a market for such abominations. No matter how long I live, I'll never be able to work out why that is.
In the coming series of posts, I'm going to go through these multipacks and finally sort out which ones are going to be flipped so that I can buy something good such as all the seasons of "True Blood" on Blu-ray instead.
And so, without further ado, here's what I thought about this one.
The Vampire Conspiracy (2005)
"Five people are abducted by a maniacal vampire and put into a deadly maze of wits and endurance. If they make it through alive, the Vampire's fortune is theirs. If they fail, they'll be placed back in the game—forever—as bloodthirsty slaves pursuing the next round of victims. The group must discover the connection between them to solve complex clues and survive the band of slaves to escape a twisted game of predator and prey."
To say that this is the best of a bad lot doesn't do it any favours since all the movies are total crap. It's all in black and white, with lots of constantly angry, shouty "actors", and whoever filmed it lacks any framing ability whatsoever.
As far as the story goes, I was intrigued enough to want to find out how all the characters were linked together, but as soon as that was revealed, nothing else interested me.
Fist of the Vampire (2007)
"As an undercover detective infiltrates an illegal underground fighting ring, he begins to piece together bizarre clues connected to an unsolved murder. And when he discovers that the ring is run by bloodthirsty vampires, the underworld of the undead becomes more dangerous than ever..."
Although it's pretty much unwatchable due to all the faux film damage effects such a scratches and grit constantly on screen, I stuck with this for the sexier bits. One of the vampiresses looks the part, but it's all bad acting, and the story isn't very interesting either.
I haven't checked out the Mill Creek version of this yet to compare it, but "Fist of the Vampire" came up "windowboxed" right in the centre of my TV screen and was too small to enjoy even if it hadn't been a turd to begin with.
Curse of the Wolf (2006)
"Dakota, a young werewolf, has finally learned to control her nighttime transformations. She desperately wants to live a normal life, and to break free from her curse, she flees to hide in the city. When the pack aggressively hunts her down, the bouncers offer her protection and band together to battle the werewolves who want her dead... and who won't give up their wolf without a vicious fight."
I only watched this to see what happened to Pamela Sutch who I interviewed through MySpace back in the day. "Curse of the Wolf" is very slow with a few nudie bits which don't make up for it. The horrible rock music in the background also had me fast forwarding to anything that looked interesting just to avoid it.
At nearly two hours long, I will probably watch this again one day and review it for another blog I write, but I don't have the patience to do it now.
Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned (2008)
"Sammy, who wants to throw the ultimate bachelor party in the Hamptons for his best friend Chuck, has scored a bungalow for the fest. The wild weekend takes a turn for the rowdy and raunchy when a trio of strippers arrives at the door... but these are no ordinary strippers! They're smokin' hot and dance to kill. One by one, the guests are seduced and devoured—only a lucky few will survive the Bungalow of the Damned!"
Hahaha. I've finally seen Zoe Hunter in all her glory, but sorry, I'm not impressed. I know this is meant to be some kind of comedy, but it's not funny in any way apart from the amusing end credits.
The best thing I can say about "Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned" is that it's always interesting to see what the insides of other people's houses look like. These "indie horror" films are great for that.
Although I definitely don't recommend it, if you really want to torture yourself, you can buy the "Blood Predators" collection from Amazon, eBay, Wal-mart, K-mart, and most good pawn shops near you.
I've included the Amazon link to the left (as usual) anyway since it leads to some even more venomous reviews than mine.
You also have to laugh that the best price offered is only 1¢. Bear in mind that the shipping will be probably be equal to the normal retail price that this DVD sells for anywhere.
The best price I've seen "Blood Predators" for is $2.99 in K-mart's bargain bin.
My own copy of this DVD is heading for the yard sale where I'll be lucky if I get $1 for it.
No comments:
Post a Comment