Cloverfield (2008)

I absolutely hated it. It's just "The Blair Witch Project" but in New York with monsters.

Not only was it yet another kiddie-rated PG-13 unscary monster film, but it sucked on all levels. The acting was pure Hollywood drama school stuff where everyone pauses and tries to convey as much emotion as possible with eyes and teeth before delivering a line, the dialogue was poor and as unrealistic as could be, and the camerawork was so bad that I imagine a lot of people would throw up in the movie theatres or suffer some kind of epileptic seizure from all the whirling and spinning.

It was 18 minutes of wedding party, 30 minutes of "Oh my god... oh my god... oh my god... oh my god... boom... bang... shriek... boom... oh my god... oh my god", and then the rest was all "Run... oh my god... shriek... boom.... rarrrr... boom... boom... shriek... bang... run... run... oh my god... rarrrrr... oh my god... oh my god.... oh my god... boom..."

I give it 1 out of 10 for the ability to con so many people into watching it. It's just another crappy motion-sickness-inducing-shakycam film with about 5 seconds of CGI monster in it. It's more overhyped and poorly executed rubbish!

I can see it being used for the "Oh my god" drinking game in future though. Alcoholics will love it!


OMG! The Blasphemous Cloverfield Drinking Game

Here are the timings so you can print them out and keep track.

18.14 "Oh my God"
18.18
18.30
18.40
19.43
19.56
20.28
20.40 "Oh my God, Oh my God" BONUS!
20.48
21.09
21.10
21.21
21.22
21.48
23.00
24.20
28.00
29.21
29.29
30.17 "Oh my God, Oh my God" BONUS!
30.43
35.19
36.24 "Oh my God, Oh my God" BONUS!
37.41
43.22
43.26
50.10
51.28
51.38
51.42
51.46
54.06 "Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God, Oh my God" 4 in a row DOUBLE BONUS!!
55.40 "Jesus" (If he is your God - BONUS!)
56.23
56.53 "Jesus" (If he is your God - BONUS!)
56.54
56.55 "Oh my Gosh" PENALTY! Eat something!
57.28 "Jesus" (If he is your God - BONUS!)
59.13
59.25 "Oh my God, Oh my God" BONUS!
60.35
61.17
61.39
62.00
62.01
62.13
62.22
62.37
62.42
63.59
64.02
64.40
65.14
65.21
65.30
65.39
66.00 "Oh God, Oh God, Please God, Forgive Me" BONUS!
68.13 MONSTER CLOSE UP BONUS! Say "Oh My God" for him!
69.59
70.00

Extra drinking BONUS for spotting the "Blair Witch Project" line at 70.32 - "I'm so scared, I'm so sorry!"

There are 66 OMGs in "Cloverfield" yet when the monster appears full frame no one says it. The audience.is encouraged to say it because the character with the camera keeps saying, "Oh... oh.... oh...."


I think the whole film is a work of the Devil to get everyone to worship the Beast! :)

Revelation 13:1 “And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.”

Seriously, it has to be intentional! The devil is a master of chaos and confusion which is pretty much the subject and the style of the film too.

Just look at the timing for the "God forgive me!" line. 66 minutes in!!!

And clover? A four-leafed clover is a good luck charm, i.e. it's witchcraft. Anything "lucky" derives from the word "Lucifer" which is again equated with the Devil! We only see the monster's face at sunrise in the film. Lucifer is the "bearer of light". The monster is therefore the DEVIL!

We're all going to HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!