2011 - The Year In Review

And so ends one of the crappiest years for horror ever.

I haven't returned to horror blogging but with this post (and maybe one more to come), I'm just tidying up a few loose ends with a quick look back over 2011.

A few films were better than I expected them to be. I actually enjoyed "Apollo 18", "Final Destination 5", "The Human Centipede II", "The Woman", and even "The Rite" from way back at the start of the year. Who would have thought that a mixture of sequels and derivative-as-hell clones of better films would have made it to the top of my list? Unfortunately, that's all we seemed to have this year.

I hated "Season of the Witch", "Attack the Block", "Contagion", "Hatchet II", "Hobo with a Shotgun", "Scream 4" and "Wake Wood". My biggest disappointment was "ChromeSkull: Laid to Rest 2" which was so awful that I couldn't even bring myself to write a review of it. I didn't even watch "Insidious" until it got to Netflix and, likewise, couldn't be bothered to write anything about that lame "Poltergeist" ripoff either.

The others, including "Paranormal Activity 3", "Red State", "The Thing" (premake), and the various DVD releases of films which were actually made last year ("The Ward", "Stake Land" and "Lost Boys: The Thirst") were just sort of there apart from "Trollhunter" which was by far the best DVD release this year but hardly horror.

One film which didn't actually make an appearance on DVD but I ended up watching on YouTube instead was the Korean mystery/ghost story called "The Cat". It was definitely my favourite film from this year but, considering that everything else was basically a huge steaming pile of shit, it wasn't difficult for it to stand out.

I really don't have anything else to add as far as horror films are concerned. Horror TV was good for as long as "American Horror Story" lasted but "The Walking Dead" bored me to tears with all its talk and no action.

In other news, I became addicted to Twitter and then gave up on it, finally moved house (into an actual house rather than yet another apartment), and sold 150 of my DVDs at a yard sale because, basically, they were all really crappy ones like "Killer Klowns from Outer Space" (which is allegedly getting a sequel which I have no interest in), "The Dunwich Horror", "Wrong Turn 3", and anything else which I would never, in my right mind, ever watch again.

I've officially given up on Netflix as I've watched everything that they had to offer horror-wise and put my membership on hold for the next three months (now that I've watched all their film noir selection as well). If I don't see any decent films appear in the next three months then I'll simply cancel Netflix altogether.

My New Year's resolutions are to spend more time with my cats and not waste my time on the internet. I also intend to eat better than I have been following frequent bouts of constipation followed by diarrhoea. Yes, I'm sure you wanted to know that but, since I'm writing this whole year off as completely shitty, it seems an appropriate way to end this post.

Happy 2012! I hope the Mayans get proven right.

New Horror Films 2011

I've been searching around various websites and the IMDb to see what excitement we can all look forward to next year. Apart from one or two crappy handycam movies which are more than likely to be churned out without warning, this is as much as I've been able to come up with.

The Blob (2011) [REMAKE]
It's a remake which will obviously not even be as good as the 80s version.

The Cabin in the Woods (2011)
A twisted and unusual take on the familiar "cabin in the woods" formula. We shall see.

Castlevania (2011)
Yet another obsolete video game turned into a movie but at least it has vampires in it.

Child's Play (2011) [REMAKE]
Another remake which I'll avoid.

Clock Tower (2011)
A woman is tormented by an evil that has haunted her family for generations, but the only man who believes her is the psychiatrist she meets in a mental institution. Together they must find the source of her family's damnation and then fight for their lives, until the curse is finally laid to rest.
I bet it turns out to be crap.

Deathlok (2011)
A man unwittingly finds himself the subject of an experiment which slowly turns him into a cyborg, with computer and robotic parts replacing nearly his entire body...
Not really horror and bound to be inferior to "Robocop".

Evil Dead IV (2011) [SEQUEL]
Is this really going to happen? It's listed on the IMDb but nobody in the know has revealed anything about it. I think it's about as likely as Timur Bekmambetov finishing the "Dozor" trilogy or making "Wanted 2".

Final Destination 5 (2011) [SEQUEL]
Survivors of a suspension-bridge collapse learn there's no way you can cheat Death. Whoopee, here we go again. It has to be better than the fourth one.

Halloween III (2011) [SEQUEL]
Patrick Lussier is taking over from Rob Zombie. Er... yay?

The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (2011) [SEQUEL]
I'm doubtful whether this one-trick-pony will be worth the wait especially as we all know what's going to happen. The rumour is that a dozen victims will be joined together this time which could be interesting to see. I hope it's gory this time though.

I, Frankenstein (2011)
I can imagine what this is about, can't you?

Jeepers Creepers 3: Cathedral (2011) [SEQUEL]
I'm hoping this will be good but I fear the worst.

Scary Movie 5 (2011) [SEQUEL]
I don't like comedies and I have no idea what they will parody after the appalling horror movies of 2010. If they do "The Human Centipede" as a comedy it might work.

Scream 4 (2011) [SEQUEL]
Ten years have passed, and Sidney Prescott, who has put herself back together thanks in part to her writing, is visited by the Ghostface Killer.
And ten years have passed since I even cared about this franchise.

Silent Hill: Revelation 3D (2011) [SEQUEL]
Heather Mason and her father have been on the run, always one step ahead of dangerous forces that she doesn't fully understand, Now on the eve of her 18th birthday, plagued by horrific nightmares and the disappearance of her father, Heather discovers she's not who she thinks she is. The revelation leads her deeper into a demonic world that threatens to trap her forever.
I hated "Silent Hill" and the video games were about as boring as could be but this might be okay.

The Strangers 2 (2011) [SEQUEL]
Why?

The Suffering (2011)
I have no idea what this is about but the title makes it sound promising. It'll probably live up to its name for viewers anyway and I'll be able to rip it to shreds on this blog.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 (2011) [SEQUEL]
I don't know about you but I have to know how it all ends now. Well, I already do know because I've spoiled it for myself but I still want to see the last two outings with the sparkly vampires and bare-chested werewolves.

Zombieland 2 (2011) [SEQUEL]
There aren't any details available for this either but I should imagine that it will be more of the same only even crappier. I hated "Zombieland" and probably won't even watch it unless it has somebody interesting in it.

So there you have it, another slew of sequels and remakes with a couple of unoriginal low-budget formulaic titles thrown in for good measure. What are you looking forward to seeing next year?