We Are What We Are (2013)

"The Parkers, a reclusive family who follow ancient customs, find their secret existence threatened as a torrential downpour moves into their area, forcing daughters Iris and Rose to assume responsibilities beyond those of a typical family."

I'm just going to do a couple of quick reviews today to get them out of the way. To be honest, I've found it a bit of a struggle to fill this month with something horror-related every day, and I'm looking forward to my time off on Hallowe'en.

The first of today's movies is Jim Mickle's reimagining of "Somos lo que hay" (2010) with the genders changed of the protagonists for no good reason whatsoever. Changing the sons from the original into daughters and having the mother dying instead of the father doesn't add much. Actually, it downgrades the social commentary of the original to such an extent that there's nothing here which you haven't seen before in any generic American horror movie from the last 3 years.

In many ways, "We Are What We Are" reminded me of "Flowers in the Attic" (1987) although its story is closer to being a non-comedic version of Jack Hill's "Spider Baby or, The Maddest Story Ever Told" (1968). As with all new horror movies, some scenes are very formulaic, and because this is only a special kind of remake anyway, its borrowings are fairly obvious.

Julie Garner and Ambyr Childers.

Decent enough cinematography and above average acting are becoming de rigueur in remakes, and are the reasons why I'm not going to pan this one completely. It's always nice to get a movie which looks like a real movie. I was impressed by the camerawork in the opening scenes, and that was enough to hook me into watching the rest of it. If "We Are What We Are" had looked like another low-budget nasty, I would have ditched it after 5 minutes.

The biggest problem is that "We Are What We Are" is extremely slow over the ground and plays as a drama/thriller until the final scene. Mystery elements including a decoy murder and a doctor working out that the family are cannibals by looking up the symptoms of Kuru (or spongiform encephalopath for the more medically minded) are added to pad the running time, but a lot more gore spread throughout would have been better. I don't mind a languid pace in some movies, but this one made me want to scream, "Hurry up and do something!" at the screen.

The ending finally brings the much needed gore to the table (literally!), but it's so over-the-top and from out of left field that it completely ruins everything which preceeds it. The gore effects themselves are nothing to write home about either.

Worth a rental, I suppose, but neither of the "We Are What We Are" movies are as shocking as Pete Walker's "Frightmare" (1974).

I liked the setting with all the rain.

The Woman (2011)

"When a successful country lawyer captures and attempts to civilize the last remaining member of a violent clan that has roamed the Northeast coast for decades, he puts the lives of his family in jeopardy."

I really don't know where to begin with reviewing "The Woman" because, although it's quite unlike anything that I've seen before, it's still somewhat derivative of a lot of other dysfunctional family stories in places.

With anything written by Jack Ketchum, you know it's going to be a little bit "out there" and, by having Lucky McKee direct it, it's likely to be even more so. Paradoxically, everything is extremely very well reigned in here and doesn't ever become bizarrely unrealistic or comical. I find that to be a very welcome and refreshing change.

Now as much as I want to say that "The Woman" is unique, it isn't. If you've ever seen "The X-Files" season one episode called "Jersey Devil" then the idea of a feral human being won't be much of a surprise to you. It was even done more recently in "Shiver", a Spanish film from 2008.

Demented, dysfunctional families aren't all that new either. You only have to look up "Spider Baby" (1968) to see how that all began. But, as I've said, "The Woman" is no comedy or, at least, not a comedy that I can categorise as one. It's amusing in places but there really aren't any major chuckles to be had out of it unless you are as sick and twisted as I am.

Combining the two elements by having a dysfunctional family kidnap a feral woman, and then to have their characters being further revealed by their interactions with their captive, is an ambitious idea which actually works fairly well. Of course there are flaws and quite a few moments which are too reminiscent of Dario Argento's "Jenifer" (from the "Masters of Horror" series) for comfort.

One thing which I'm puzzled over is whether or not "The Woman" is a kind of feminist movie or a totally misogynistic one. I wondered the same thing about Lars Von Trier's "Antichrist" (2009) although I gave up ever trying to analyse that director's mind a long time ago.

If I had to pick a side, I'd say "The Woman" is very feminist yet it shows misogyny in all its ugliness. I'll leave all the stuff about whether the message of the film is that women can only survive against men by reverting to their animal natures to people who actually give a damn plus I don't want to give away any spoilers.

For me, the nudity, torture and gore are far more important when rating a horror movie plus the effect that the characters have on me. "The Woman" isn't the most brutal movie that I've ever seen but the effects are certainly worthwhile and the acting is pretty decent too.

Angela Bettis stands out (as she always does when directed by Lucky McKee) but Sean Bridgers isn't too shabby either. Think of "The Stepfather" (1987) but take it up several notches and you have Chris Cleek. Although none of the characters are very much more than caricatures, it's how the full extent of their relationship is slowly revealed that makes the drama so engrossing.

The star of the whole thing though is, of course, Pollyanna McIntosh as the nameless feral woman. She may not look as pretty here as she did in "Exam" (2009) but she certainly knows how to pull off a purely animal look. Getting to see her completely nude is a bonus too.

Neither Pollyanna McIntosh or Angela Bettis are the best looking women in this film though. That honour belongs to Carlee Baker whose acting, unfortunately, is so bad that she can't even pronounce her own character's name properly. You never know with Lucky McKee so the bad acting and mispronunciation may well be intentional.

If you've already seen "The Girl Next Door" (2007), "The Lost" (2006) or "Offspring" (2009), Jack Ketchum's style will be quite familiar. Although I don't think that "The Woman" is nearly as controversial as any of those, it still continues the same style of dealing with taboo subjects in a more horrific format than some people will be used to.

You can read as much or as little into "The Woman" as you like but it won't change the fact that it's an immensely satisfying experience.

Mum & Dad (2008)

"Mum and Dad, and their 'adopted' children, Birdie & Elbie, work at the airport. The family live off whatever they scavenge from cargo holds, offices and hotels - including a steady stream of transient workers who populate the airport's soulless hub. When Lena, a young Polish office cleaner, is befriended by Birdie, she gets drawn into a nightmarish world of torture, murder and perversity. Imprisoned in a suburban House of Horrors and designated a 'Mummy's Girl', Lena's only options appear to be to become part of the family - and join them in their insanity - or die."

I first watched "Mum & Dad" over two years ago when my local Hollywood Video still existed. Not only was I extremely happy to find a fairly new British horror movie, but I was quite surprised that they even had it. Just before they closed down, I went back and bought myself a copy of "Mum & Dad", and I love it so much that I've watched it over 20 times since.

I'm going to keep this review as spoiler free as I can because you absolutely have to see "Mum & Dad" for yourself. I haven't had my heart pounding so hard from the tension in a horror film ever before, so I'm sure that you will enjoy it too.

Basically, it's a modernised, almost "torture porn" version of "Girly" (1970) mixed with an unhealthy number of nods to the crimes committed by Fred and Rosemary West. At no point during any interviews about this movie, or anywhere on the DVD commentary, did writer/director Steven Sheil admit to using any specific real life murderers as his inspiration, but anyone British will pick up on it immediately. American audiences will notice a lot of similarities to "The People Under the Stairs" (1991) and certain scenes from "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre" (1974). Like all horror movies, it's derivative, but "Mum & Dad" has a lot of original touches too so you can't really hold any reworking of existing genre themes against it.

It's amazing that something with such incredible production values was made for as little as £100,000. When I hear people crowing about how successful James Wan's "Insidious" was compared to its budget, it makes me laugh that "Insidious" cost over five times the amount of "Mum & Dad" and wasn't even half as intense. A lot of this has to do with where most of the funding came from. To qualify for a grant from the U.K. National Lottery, you simply have to have something so impressive that it's worth investing in.

As I said, I'm not going to give any spoilers apart from any that are unavoidable through praising this film. Perry Benson as "Dad" is cast completely against type, but it still works. Dido Miles as "Mum" is so psychotically evil that she is also completely different from anything I've seen her in before. I am still blown away by how good these recognisable TV faces are in such a demented horror film. Each of the main characters are memorable in their own way, and that doesn't happen very often. Toby Alexander as the mute "Elbie" doesn't even have a single line of dialogue yet conveys so much emotion with just his expressions. You will probably hate "Birdie", I know I did at first, though that's the point. Ainsley Howard nails her role too.

The acting and character development is just fantastic and way ahead of anything you'd usually find in such a low-budget independent horror movie. The nastiness of the dysfunctional family is so believable that it comes as quite a surprise when you watch the special features on the DVD and discover how nice (and funny) all the actors are in real life. It's like chalk and cheese and that's the sign of real actors. You can never go back to watching amateur handycam dreck after seeing something like this, although I'd advise you to never get involved with any of that crap to begin with.

Of course, the character who stands out the most for me is Lena. I had never really heard of Olga Fedori before though I remember her vaguely from a few episodes of "Eastenders". A quick check of her IMDb profile reveals that she's Ukrainian rather than Polish and is a Harvard Graduate. I think she's lovely and I felt for her character all through the film. The stuff Lena goes through is absolutely awful yet she remains one of the strongest female characters that I've ever seen in a horror movie. She has a lot of inner strength and really doesn't make any of the clichéd mistakes which other girls do and that is, of course, another credit to Steven Sheil's writing.

The practical effects are all disgustingly realistic although one gruesome scene near the end could be argued to be little bit too far-fetched due to their inclusion. You'll know exactly what I'm referring to when you see it but, the more I think about it, the more I can see how it could work. I am, of course, talking about a certain "Christmas decoration", so feel free to discuss it in the comments section below.

The make-up, costumes, set dressing, camerawork and, well, just about everything really is all first class, so I have definitely included this in my Video Vault. "Mum & Dad" is something I can bring out just to show my American friends exactly how sick and twisted us Brits really are. I highly recommend this film!