The Eurovision Song Contest 2013 is coming!

So far I've only picked three favourites (out of four), but it's still early days yet.


1. Zlata Ognevich - Gravity (Ukraine)



Fantastic, but she needs to get rid of her overloud backing singers.


2. Emmelie De Forest - Only Teardrops (Denmark)



A mixture of Shakira and The Cranberries perhaps?


3. Danica Muscat - Fantasy (Malta)



I'm not completely sold on this, but she's pretty like Martine McCutcheon used to be.


4. Alyona Lanskaya - Rhythm of Love (Belarus)



Catchy, very catchy. Probably won't win though.


Have you seen or heard anything that you like?

Ivi Adamou won the Eurovision Song Contest!

Actually, she didn't but she should have. Cyprus came joint sixteenth with Ukraine. Either the votes were rigged or people were stupid and voted for the scruffy Swedish baglady trying to swat invisible flies in a wind storm instead.

Here are the results of the top four and their points:

1	Sweden	372
2	Russia	259
3	Serbia	214
4	Azerbaijan	150

Disgusting, wasn't it? It's not that I've got anything against Sweden but they had far from the best song in the competition. The other acts might as well have not turned up especially the predictably depressing dirge from Serbia or the Albanian girl with the acne scars and ball of rope on her head who screamed for most of her three minutes.

When a joke entry like the old Russian grannies (who presumably have all been stacked inside each other now that the show is over) gets almost four times the points of a catchy pop song such as "La La Love", it's time to never watch that Eurovision crap again.

I've been watching the show every year since I was a small child but it pissed me off way too much this time. Even Mr Lordi turning up in his full monster costume and make-up to slowly give the results of the Finnish voting couldn't redeem things.

So, you'll be glad to read that I will never waste another week of my blog on this musical horror. Normal service, including horror movie reviews, will recommence in a few days (once I adjust to the unbearable heat and humidity).

For now, I will leave you with a beautiful picture of Ivi Adamou who, unlike the "winner" of the Eurovision Song Contest who we'll never hear of again, is still thanking all her supporters and fans on Facebook and Twitter.

She's a classic beauty and pure class all the way.

Eurovision Song Contest 2012 - Grand Final

The results of the second semi-final are now in so, coupled with the winners of the first semi-final, here is the line up for the not-so-grand final on Saturday.

I've highlighted the ones I like in red. We will see if I managed to predict the top four.

01	United Kingdom	Engelbert Humperdinck	Love Will Set You Free
02	Hungary	Compact Disco	Sound Of Our Hearts
03	Albania	Rona Nishliu	Suus
04	Lithuania	Donny Montell	Love Is Blind
05	Bosnia & Herzegovina	Maya Sar	Korake Ti Znam
06	Russia	Buranovskiye Babushki	Party For Everybody
07	Iceland	Greta Salóme & Jónsi	Never Forget
08	Cyprus	Ivi Adamou	La La Love
09	France	Anggun	Echo (You And I)
10	Italy	Nina Zill	L'Amore È Femmina (Out Of Love)
11	Estonia	Ott Lepland	Kuula
12	Norway	Tooji	Stay
13	Azerbaijan	Sabina Babayeva	When The Music Dies
14	Romania	Mandinga	Zaleilah
15	Denmark	Soluna Samay	Should've Known Better
16	Greece	Eleftheria Eleftheriou	Aphrodisiac
17	Sweden	Loreen	Euphoria
18	Turkey	Can Bonomo	Love Me Back
19	Spain	Pastora Soler	Quédate Conmigo (Stay With Me)
20	Germany	Roman Lob	Standing Still
21	Malta	Kurt Calleja	This Is The Night
22	F.Y.R. Macedonia	Kaliopi	Crno I Belo
23	Ireland	Jedward	Waterline
24	Serbia	Željko Joksimović	Nije Ljubav Stvar
25	Ukraine	Gaitana	Be My Guest
26	Moldova	Pasha Parfeny	Lăutar

Unfortunately, the results of the Eurovision Song Contest are never based on the quality of the music. It will be the usual shenanigans with all the European countries voting for their political allies and neighbours so absolutely anything could happen.

The Grand Final starts on Saturday, May 26th at 8pm (GMT) and ends around 11.15pm. If you don't have access to the BBC, you can watch the whole thing live online at the Eurovision website (presumably by using the Octoshape plugin yet again) or on the official YouTube channel later on.

Of course, if you have no desire to make this your appointment television for the weekend, you can always watch the playlist of all 42 contestants (below) and save yourself from having to listen to Graham Norton babbling and cackling.



They didn't think it through really, did they? Now that we all have the internet, there's no reason to watch what was once Europe's most highly viewed show on TV ever again.

Who do you think will win? More to the point, do you even care?

Eurovision Song Contest 2012 Semi-Final (2)

As you may have guessed, there will be no horror reviews this week due to my annual Eurovision Song Contest fandom. I love this stuff and tonight (or this afternoon if you are watching it in the USA) is the night of the second semi-final.

My favourite to win this round of musical nastiness is Gaitana (representing the Ukraine). Although it uses the trumpet blasts of fellow Ukrainian Ruslana's "Wild Dances" (which won in 2004), the song has been criticized for sounding too "African". I like it but, just as the critics say, it's not European enough. I still loathe Paul Simon's "Graceland" album though.



If Jedward hadn't already found the most garish motorcycle gear, Litesound (representing Belarus) would have been notable for their spectacularly hot (and sweaty) leather outfits. Even though they sing, "We are the winners", it ain't gonna happen. They'll probably go through to the final anyway.



Joan (representing the Netherlands) is the novelty act which will go through just to rival Engelbert Humperdinck's retro British entry. This is like a horrible fusion of Nicole (from 1982), Brotherhood of Man (from 1976), The Cranberries, and The Village People. It'll definitely go through because she's pretty.



Of course, the United Kingdom, France, Germany, Spain, Italy, and Azerbaijan, have already qualified due to putting up most of the money for the contest. It isn't fair but nothing ever is. Ironically, all their songs are awful (apart from a passable entry by France) and none of them will win unless the voting is rigged.

Ivi Adamou is through to the Eurovision final!

Ivi Adamou flew through the semi-final (as I knew she would), but she still has to go on and win the Eurovision Song Contest to make me truly happy for five minutes.

Hopefully, once she becomes world famous, she can give up singing and replace her lookalike, Liv Tyler, in movies. She already has more facial expressions.

Eurovision Song Contest 2012 Semi-Final (1)

The first semi-final of the Eurovision Song Contest is tomorrow night. As usual, it's mostly a load of crap.

I've already written about her on here but Ivi Adamou (representing Cyprus) is the clear winner of not only this semi-final but the entire Eurovision Song Contest itself. She has to be. I've decided. It must be so.



Obviously, Russia don't want to win. I wouldn't be suprised if one of their old grandmothers drops dead on stage. It would be hilariously tragic though.



Thus, even Jedward (representing Ireland) might stand a chance this year. At least they look the part.



It's going to be interesting to see what other musical dreck goes through to the final just for padding.

At last, some new horror - Eurovision 2012

I'm baaa-ack!

Well, I finally gave in and have decided to start blogging on here again. I haven't watched any new horror movies and have no interest in the latest Harry Potter ghost story or any of that faux found footage crap, but it's nearly time for the Eurovision Song Contest! Yes, this is real horror!

My favourite to win so far is Gaitana with "Be My Guest".



Ruslana was the last Ukrainian entry who I remember winning and the trumpets in the opening bars of this song homage "Wild Dances".

If Gaitana doesn't win, my second favourite is Ivi Adamou with "La La Love". She's gorgeous.



Don't you think that she looks like a really good mixture of Michelle Rodriquez and Liv Tyler?

The Eurovision Song Contest 2011

I just thought I'd post my favourites (such as they are) from the appalling Eurovision Song Contest entries for 2011. Yeah, I know that it has nothing much to do with horror movies (Lordi, anyone?) but, as this will probably be the first year ever that I can't be bothered to watch the whole event, I thought it was blogworthy.

Lucia Perez - Que me quiten lo bailao (Spain)


Dana International - Ding Dong (Israel)


Kati Wolf - What about my dreams (Hungary)


Paradise Oskar - Da Da Dam (Finland)


Getter Jaani - Rockefeller Street (Estonia)


Anastasiya Vinnikova - I Love Belarus (Belarus)


Emmy - Boom Boom (Armenia)


I haven't posted the videos in any particular order since there weren't even enough good songs out of the 43 entries for me to make a top ten.

I'm often guilty of choosing songs just because there are pretty European girls in them and I admit that it almost hurts me this year to leave out a couple of songs which couldn't be redeemed by the attractiveness of the singers. Hey, it's a song contest not a beauty contest after all.

If you want to see all the other songs before May 14th, the official website has a preview player created from a YouTube playlist. The best thing about it is that you don't need to mess about with the usual octoshape plugin or waste a Saturday evening on this horror.

Just to make this post horror related here's a song that didn't make it through the semi-finals a couple of years ago followed by one that won the whole thing the year before that.

DJ Bobo - Vampires Are Alive (Switzerland)


Lordi - Hard Rock Hallelujah (Finland)


I used to love the Eurovision Song Contest but this year makes me sad. Have you chosen your favourites yet? What do you think about the Eurovision Song Contest? Let me know in the comments below or on my message board.