Horror Lovers Challenge

I was sent this little quiz thing earlier today by DirtyGirl on Twitter. I have no idea where it originally came from, who made it, or why they made it, but it's been cropping up on various horror blogs and Facebook pages as some kind of meme.

Although it's more of a series of headings than actual questions, and I assume that it was created to preface a month's worth of daily blog posts, I thought I might as well get it out of the way. As usual, I've corrected the American spelling of "favorite" to British/Canadian/Australian English (because that missing "u" is so important!), but the other grammatical errors remain.

1. SCARIEST KID CHARACTER IN A HORROR MOVIE Ralphie Glick from "Salem's Lot" (1979). Runners-up would be the ghostly kids in "Lost Hearts" (1973). 2. BEST SEX SCENE MURDER I think this means somebody being murdered while having sex, in which case "A Serbian Film" (2010) has the best one. 3. CREEPIEST DEAD BODY Belén Rueda as Mayka in "The Body" (2012). Not only creepy but a terrible waste too. 4. A HORROR MUSICAL YOU ENJOY None. That's easy to answer. I can't stand horror musicals. I do like "Cabaret" (1972), but it only counts if you really stretch the definition of horror. 5. FUNNIEST HORROR MOVIE CHARACTER Martin in "Twisted Nerve" (1968). My ideal choice would've been Cindy Campbell in the "Scary Movie" series except that she's not actually funny. 6. FAVOURITE WOMAN IN THE WORLD OF HORROR According to my recent "Top Ten", it's Katharine Isabelle. That may change again very soon though. 7. A HORROR YOU'D BE IN My whole life is one long horror movie, but anything with cats would be good. 8. FAVOURITE ALIEN-RELATED HORROR MOVIE Again, according to my "Top Ten" on the subject, it's "The Thing" (1982). 9. BEST HORROR TV SERIES The first "American Horror Story" (2011). I would have said "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" or "Angel" but their final seasons ruined them. 10. A SERIAL KILLER YOU HATE All of them. I hate serial killers. A fictional one is The Collector because of his cat cruelty. In reality, Fred West stands out the most. 11. MOST DITZY CHARACTER Paige Edwards (Paris Hilton) from "House of Wax" (2005). There are others in the same vein, but she's the first one who springs to mind outside of a horror-comedy. 12. FAVOURITE HORROR MOVIE FROM THE PAST YEAR The best of a bad lot is "Frankenstein's Army" (2013). 13. BEST IMPALEMENT There are two ways this can go, so I choose Father Brennan's death in "The Omen" (1976). If you want a more traditional method, "Cannibal Ferox" (1981) has one of the best. 14. KILLER WHO HAS THE BEST WEAPON Death aka The Grim Reaper. He just has to touch you. 15. A HORROR LOVE-STORY I can't decide between "Spectre" (2006) or "Blood & Chocolate" (2007), even though you all expect me to say "Twilight".

16. BEST THROAT SLICING I want to say "Braveheart" (1995), but it's not horror. "Saw II" (2005) also has a very good one. 17. FAVOURITE SEQUEL TO A HORROR I really like "Hellbound: Hellraiser II" (1988), but Rob Zombie's "Halloween II" (2009) deserves an honorable mention. 18. BEST HORROR MOVIE IN THE WOODS Just to be predictable, I'll go with "The Evil Dead" (1981). This subgenre is not one of my favourites. 19. AN ACTOR YOU ENJOYED TO WATCH GET MURDERED Taking this as an actor being fictionally murdered rather than in real life, Sergi López at the end of "Pan's Labyrinth" (2006). I'm usually on the side of the bad guys, but not in this case. The runners-up would be either Kathy Bates in "Misery" (1990) or Anne Ramsey in "Deadly Friend" (1986). 20. MOST ATTRACTIVE HORROR MOVIE KILLER Jennifer (Megan Fox) in "Jennifer's Body" (2009). It's a pity that Floriana (Edwige Fenech) doesn't actually kill anyone in "Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key" (1972) or I would have chosen her instead. Ladies would probably choose Patrick Bateman in "American Psycho" (2000). 21. BEST FAMILY IN HORROR The Munsters. They are all really nice and not dysfunctional at all. 22. WORST RECENT HORROR MOVIE YOU'VE SEEN Just because it was so boring: "The Conjuring" (2013). 23. FAVOURITE 1970'S HORROR Taking the grammatical error as a non-error, "Mumsy, Nanny, Sonny, and Girly" (1970). Otherwise, it's "The Omen" (1976) again. 24. FAVOURITE HORROR THEME SONG "Ave Satani" from "The Omen" (1976). 25. BEST VERSION OF JASON VOORHEES The first one where he's a little deformed kid. 26. A HORROR YOU CAN'T WAIT TO SEE The remake of "Suspiria". And, yes, I do know that it's been cancelled. I'm honestly not looking forward to anything. 27. BEST BEHEADING Jennings (David Warner) and a sheet of glass in "The Omen" (1976). 28. FAVOURITE B-MOVIE HORROR The Asylum wins with "Sharknado" (2013). I don't do hobby horror. 29. MOST RIGHTEOUS KILLER Death aka The Grim Reaper. He comes to everyone in the end. 30. HORROR WITH AN ENDING YOU DIDN'T EXPECT TO HAPPEN Not only didn't I expect the ending of "High Tension" (2003), but it royally sucks too.

Done!

Now it's your turn!

Haters Gonna Hate: 2 New Interviews with Me

Oh, what it is to be internet famous! LOL I wouldn't know.

First, I was interviewed by Left Field Films:

An Interview with Dr Blood
http://leftfieldfilms.blogspot.com/2013/07/an-interview-with-dr-blood.html

And then I was interviewed by Horror Bob's Blog II:

Exclusive Interview: Dr Blood
http://horrorbobblog.blogspot.com/2013/07/normal-0-false-false-false.html

Click the links to read the answers to everything you were afraid to ask!

Don't forget to subscribe to the blogs while you're there. There's bound to be some other good stuff to read on both.

Want to keep this interview meme going? Either contact me or one of the horror bloggers above.

Smiley (2012)

"After discovering an urban legend on 4chan's /b/ board of a demented serial killer that has nothing but a carved 'smiley' on his face, Ashley, a mentally fragile teen, must decide whether she is going insane, or is the next victim."

Every so often I'm forced to watch a horror movie directed by someone I've never heard of and starring a load of people I've never heard of either. Sometimes it's a necessity for writing this blog, but occasionally I just do it for the lulz. Thus, when the chance came to see a movie about a supernatural serial killer on the internet who does it "for the lulz" too, I was intrigued.

Apart from Roger Bart (formerly the creepy pharmacist who fancied Bree in "Desperate Housewives" as well as one of the sickos in "Hostel 2") and Keith David, I honestly have no idea who any of the other cast members are, whether or not they are real actors or YouTube wannabes, or anything other than a vague recognition of a couple of their names.

Allegedly, one of the cast members is named Toby Turner, and he's big on YouTube for something, but I couldn't even tell you what he looks like or who he plays. Shane Dawson is more obvious as I've seen his picture floating about on the internet before yet have never watched even one of his YouTube videos either. From his limited acting ability in "Smiley", I probably never want to. As a non-actor, he isn't that bad, but he's a lot older, hairier, fatter and uglier than I thought a popular YouTube children's entertainer would be. His character name of "Pedobear" might be an in-joke based on his fanbase of 12-14 year olds. If there's something more to it than that, I didn't understand it.

In case I start to sound too negative, let me just say that I didn't hate "Smiley" or anyone involved in it. In fact, I really liked it as a "meta" movie about internet trolling. We all love to troll "teh interwebz", don't we? Imagine if the misery we like to inflict on others with our keyboards could manifest itself in physical form and you get the premise behind "Smiley". I thought that was kind of great.

I can haz cheezburger now? Oops, wrong meme.

Even though "Smiley" first appears to be little more than a ripoff of "Candyman" and the "Bloody Mary" urban myths, it's actually a bit cleverer than that. With a couple of twists at the end, although derivative of "Scream", "April Fool's Day" and "Urban Legend", "Smiley" is quite successful (yet overambitious) in what it sets out to achieve. As a horror movie though, maybe not so much.

It's probably not going to win any awards for originality, scares or gore, but it's still a decent looking movie with good production values, not too many lags, and only a few moments of dodgy camerawork. Unlike the current slew of "found footage" crap, there's certainly no need to take any dramamine before watching "Smiley" unless the jealousy that someone who you don't think deserves it has managed to get their horror movie released theatrically makes you nauseous.

Of course, "Smiley" has some flaws especially in the dialogue which may be a tad too unnatural for most people's ears. If people on the West Coast really speak to each other like that, they need slapping. It's a debut feature by somebody just out of film school, Michael J. Gallagher, who has been lucky enough to be able to make it so you have to make allowances. As much as I will always bash the talentless handycam brigade with their backyard "zombedy" epics, "Smiley" doesn't fall into the same category. It looks like it had a fairly decent budget for one thing, and there's obviously some technical ability behind the scenes.

The killer actually looks pretty good too. I think he'll be a poster on a few people's walls before too long especially if this becomes a franchise. As ever, the characterisation doesn't have much depth to it, and quite a few of the characters are instantly dislikeable, but that's always a bonus for a jaded movie reviewer looking for something to write about. For those people who loathe Shane Dawson's antics as a YouTube money whore, seeing him get his comeuppance is a nice piece of wish fulfilment which will most certainly drive his haters to this film only to be quite surprised.

To give more credit where it is most certainly due, Caitlin Gerard, who plays Ashley, is highly watchable and gives an outstanding performance. Looks-wise, she isn't my cup of tea although I'm sure the intended audience will find her incredibly hot. If I have a type, it's not mental, skinny blondes who scream, cry a lot and smash their laptops to pieces, but to each their own.

I'll take the one on the right, please.

Ashley's brunette friend, Proxy (stupid name but whatever), is sensationally gorgeous. Melanie Papalia is her real name (in case you wondered), and having looked it up, I think it's one to remember. Although I'm torn between her and Nikki Limo (who plays a babysitter at the start) for the "best looking chick in the movie" award, she definitely made "Smiley" more enjoyable for me. She can really act too, and I can't wait to see her in more movies.

As I said right at the beginning, "Smiley" is full of unknown actors, actresses and YouTube "stars" who you either may or may not recognise. The only big YouTuber who I've ever watched regularly is iJustine and, unfortunately, she isn't in this. That was a missed opportunity and a bit of a shame. If she had been in it, maybe the "real critics" wouldn't have been so harsh about "Smiley". Having accidentally read the titles of their critiques, I wonder if we've even watched the same film because I enjoyed it. Although everyone has an opinion, most internet critics aren't honest and a lot have become negative just to stir up controversy and more pageviews. The irony of that in reference to the subject matter of "Smiley" won't escape anyone.

Without checking, I can almost guarantee that Bloody-Disgusting, Dread Central and Ain't It Cool News will be overpraising "Smiley" as the second-coming in horror movie form just to get their names on the DVD artwork. Unless, of course, they didn't get a kickback (in which case they'll be hating it too). "Smiley" is a good film, but please take their nonsense with a huge pinch of salt. Better yet, ignore it altogether if you don't want the hype to spoil it for you.

If you love the internet, like to hang out in video chatrooms or just generally surf YouTube, you'll get a lot of entertainment out of "Smiley". It's not ideal for the older generation or hardcore horror aficionados, but if you are lucky enough to have it playing in a movie theatre near you at the moment, I encourage you to check it out... for the lulz. =)

My Cinematic Alphabet

Even though my entire blog could be described as an A-Z of horror movies, I saw this meme being passed around a while back and have finally given it a go.

I'm not going to post a ton of screencaps or videos. This is just a quick list and short explanation of why each film that I've chosen is on there.

A is for An American Werewolf in London because it isn't a horror-comedy.
B is for Bram Stoker's Dracula and the scene where Mina kisses Lucy.
C is for The Collector starring Terence Stamp as a kidnapper of pretty girls.
D is for Dawn of the Dead since I prefer the remake over the original.
E is for Event Horizon because even though it's sci-fi, it's still horror.
F is for Frankenstein Created Woman which is the best thing Hammer did.
G is for The Ghoul starring Peter Cushing and John Hurt in their best roles ever.
H is for Hellraiser II: Hellbound because I would do Julia too.
I is for It especially the first half of this Stephen King adaptation.
J is for Jaws just because I like the male-bonding scenes.
K is for The Kingdom (aka "Riget") which I watched religiously on BBC2.
L is for The Legend of Hell House for outstandingly sexy Gayle Hunnicut.
M is for Monkey Shines because I used to like monkeys.
N is for The New Daughter which has the best director's commentary ever.
O is for Orphan for all the wrong reasons.
P is for Phantoms (aka "Meridien") for werewolf-sex with Sherilyn Fenn.
Q is for Q - The Winged Serpent which nobody seems to remember except me.
R is for Rawhead Rex because it's so underrated.
S is for Satan's Triangle which scared me a child.
T is for Teeth just for Jess Weixler getting progressively hotter.
U is for The Unnameable for having a great monster which it wastes.
V is for The Vineyard because I liked the brunette with big boobs in it.
W is for The Woods which is a million times better than "Suspiria".
X is for The X-Files movie from 1998 which killed the overrated TV series.
Y is for Young Frankenstein even though I don't really like it.
Z is for Zoltan: Hound of Dracula because it's almost the stupidest idea for a horror movie that anyone could think of.

And just for the sake of "LinkWithin", here's a picture of Willow asleep.

A Meme for Horror Bloggers

(Taken from The First Ever Billy Loves Stu Meme for Horror Bloggers)

I saw this was being passed around so I thought I'd have a crack at it myself. :D

1: In Ten Words or Less, Describe Your Blog:

Not quite how I want it to be yet.

2: During What Cinematic Era Where you Born?
A: The Classic Horror Era (late 30's to 40's)
B: The Atomic Monster/Nuclear Angst Era (the late 40's through 50's)
C: The Psycho Era ( Early 60's)
D: The Rosemary's Baby Era (Mid to Late 60's)

E: The Exorcism Era (Early to mid 70's) - this one.

F: The Halloween Era (Late 70's to Early 80's)
G: The Slasher Era (Mid to late 80's)
H: The Self Referential/Post Modern Era (1990 to 1999)

3: The Carrie Compatibility Question:
(gay men and straight women - make your choice from section A)
A: Billy Nolan or Tommy Ross, who would you take to the prom?
(straight guys and lesbians - make your choice from section B)
B: Sue Snell or Chris Hargensen, who would you take to the prom?

Chris Hargensen because she was played by Nancy Allen and I'd be a fool to turn something like that down.

4: You have been given an ungodly amount of money, and total control of a major motion picture studio - what would your dream Horror project be?

I'd like to make "A Serbian Film Part 2" but with even more offensive scenes.

5: What horror film "franchise" that others have embraced, left you cold?
"Friday the 13th". It lost me after the one with Ryan Dallion (John D. LeMay) from the TV series in it. I liked the first one but the rest are just the same old thing over and over. The remake was terrible too.

6: Is Michael Bay the Antichrist?

No. He just shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a horror movie.

7: Dracula, The Wolf Man, The Frankenstein Monster - which one of these classic villains scares you, and why?

None of them really scare me but I wouldn't want to hang out with the Frankenstein Monster. He's made up of dead bodies all stitched together and it would put me off my coco-pops.

8: Tell me about a scene from a NON HORROR Film that scares the crap out of you:

I'm trying to think of one that has any kind of aerial shots of a building or city because I'm afraid of heights and it makes me feel giddy. For lack of anything else, the end of "Die Hard" where Alan Rickman falls to his death. I can just imagine my skull cracking on the concrete in a similar situation.

9: Baby Jane Hudson invites you over to her house for lunch. What do you bring?

A bag for her head and some lubricant.

10: So, between you and me, do you have any ulterior motives for blogging? Come, on you can tell me, it will be our little secret, I won't tell a soul.

I'm just replacing my website that I had for 13 years with it because it's easier to write a blog than to recode a ton of HTML pages and upload them.

11: What would you have brought to Rosemary Woodhouse's baby shower?
A bag for her head and some lubricant... and an orange. Oh, and another plastic bag for the baby to play with.

12: Godzilla vs The Cloverfield Monster, who wins?

Godzilla - the cartoon version. The Cloverfield Monster was nothing but a big baby and Godzilla would just breathe fire on him and make him cry.

13: If you found out that Rob Zombie was reading your blog, what would you post in hopes that he read it?

Something along the lines of how hot his wife Sheri is or how jealous I am that he can get away with making such awful movies for enormous sums of money while I have to watch them and eat Ramen Noodles.

14: What is your favourite NON HORROR FILM, and why?

This is the most difficult question ever because it changes all the time. If I had to choose just one then it would be "Day Watch" the sequel to "Night Watch" even though both films are part of the same whole. It's just pure escapism and completely different to anything else.

15: If blogging technology did not exist, what would you be doing?

I'd still be uploading my reviews to my website. If I couldn't even do that then I suppose I'd just watch the horror films anyway and bitch about them to the TV screen.