Kick-Ass 2 (2013)

"The costumed high-school hero Kick-Ass joins with a group of normal citizens who have been inspired to fight crime in costume. Meanwhile, the Red Mist plots an act of revenge that will affect everyone Kick-Ass knows."

I'm writing this while still buzzing from the post-movie adrenaline rush—and a can of green apple Rockstar Supersours—so this is not going to be a review as much as gushing fanboy-ish praise for a much darker and more adult sequel than I ever imagined "Kick-Ass 2" could be.

Having barely registered the first "Kick-Ass" (2010) as anything more than a quasi-hipsterish hack job meant for teenagers, the change of director and screenwriter has allowed levels of ultra-violence to rival something which Tarantino would be proud of. "Kick-Ass 2" has lots of bloodshed, multiple murders, and even an attempted rape! It's nearly as ridiculous as an exploitation movie, and I love it!

The cinematography is very good with only a few fight scenes where quick cuts make it hard to tell what's happening. It's not as bad as "The Dark Knight Rises" or "Iron Man 3", so be grateful. The effects are decent throughout, and some of the kills are extremely brutal. Although even more blood and gore would have made me ecstatic, there's enough for an R-rated movie, and it's guaranteed to upset some people. Jim Carrey refused to promote "Kick-Ass 2" because of the violence, but that's his problem. It's doubtful, but I hope there will eventually be an "Unrated Version" which will add more meanspiritedness.

Of course, "Kick-Ass 2" is aimed primarily at the now three-years-older teenage crowd who enjoyed the first movie more than I did, so there are some kiddified comedy bits which are mostly based around Hit-Girl's attempts at fitting into high school. As a fully grown adult of another gender and country, I can't relate to any of that, but I can acknowledge that the "gross-out" puking and defecating scenes are amusingly over-the-top. One thing is for certain, "Kick-Ass 2" is definitely not aimed at little kids, prudes, or comicbook-reading manchildren. Apparently, the latter really hate this movie, as do the mainstream "critics", but that's because they have no taste anyway. Anybody over the age of 12 years old who reads "Spider-Man" and "Batman" comics regularly obviously suffers from some kind of mental retardation, so I couldn't care less what those people have to say about anything.

Unlike the comicbook fantards, I can't find anything wrong with "Kick-Ass 2". As an action movie, it all works, but I suppose you do need to have seen the original for everything to make sense. There are minor attempts to bring a new audience up to speed with who is who, but "Kick-Ass 2" is a faster-paced sequel rather than a standalone story. Given the time that's passed, it's probably better if you don't watch the two movies back-to-back because of the change in tone.

Yes, that is Jim Carrey on the left!

Acting-wise, Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Christopher Mintz-Plasse are much the same as before, but "McLovin" is maybe more comedic than strictly necessary as a supervillain. Jim Carrey is completely unrecognisable in a role which proves that he can genuinely act when/if he wants to, and Chloë Grace Moretz steals the show yet again. She overuses her cute, wide-eyed expressions, but she's absolutely fantastic for a 16-year-old. I'm almost looking forward to seeing her in the "Carrie" remake now.

John Leguizamo has an important supporting role and continues to talk out of the side of his mouth like a champ, Iain Glen has a nice cameo as a mafia boss, Olga Kurkulina is fearsome as Mother Russia, and Morris Chestnut (aka Luke from the first "American Horror Story") replaces Omari Hardwick as Detective Marcus Williams. In another cast change, Todd is now played by Augustus Prew instead of Evan Peters. I can't say that I noticed the difference. I was too busy ogling Lindy Booth as Night Bitch, Lyndsy Fonseca as Katie Deauxma, and Claudia Lee as Brooke the bitchy popular girl. Oh yes, there's a lot of lovely eyecandy here!

While "Kick-Ass" is a semi-parody of more famous superheroes, "Kick-Ass 2" continues that idea although only pays lip-service to a few of them. "Batman" gets a couple of explicit mentions, not because Big Daddy's oft-shown empty costume looks just like Batman's but due to a minor character using his backstory. The nerdy Marvel homages and in-jokes are mostly part of the plot itself rather than shout-outs, yet it's easy to spot them all. If you're inclined to see the whole thing as a rip-off or a clone, it won't disappoint you in its lack of originality. You could also criticise "Mystery Men" (1999) for the same reasons and the things which both films share. Superhero movies are all the same anyway.

Despite the dangers of vigilantism being more of a contrivance and a satirical afterthought than in "Mystery Men" or "Kick-Ass", there's a bigger message here about being what you are meant to be and doing the right thing no matter what the rest of society thinks. Thankfully, that message doesn't extend to encouraging the lameness which cosplayers indulge in though, and their childish "dressing-up for Hallowe'en everyday" bullshit continues to be ridiculed throughout.

As a massive snark about cosplayers, geeks, nerds, teenagers, pop-culture, and American society in general, "Kick-Ass 2" surpasses all expectations. No wonder they had to film it in Toronto instead of New York! Since infantilisation, pussification, entitlement, selfishness, lies and injustice have now become the American way, "Kick-Ass 2" has a counter-culture message which will be hated by its lampooned targets and is subversive enough for me to wholeheartedly support.

I'm not going to deconstruct or spoil anything else for you because you need to see this movie for yourself. I don't often recommend non-horror movies, so just watch it, okay?

Kick-Ass 2 kicks the original Kick-Ass' ass!

Batman: The Movie (1966)

"The Dynamic Duo faces four super-villains who plan to hold the world for ransom with the help of a secret invention that instantly dehydrates people."

Starting my Bat-weekend off with a load of camp crap such as the movie version of the "Batman" TV series seemed like a good idea at the time especially as the whole thing is available to watch in several places online including, of course, YouTube. I didn't even have to leave my computer to go and find the DVD which is always a good thing.

Unfortunately, although the movie was much the same as the TV series and used 99% of the same actors, the overall style was a little bit different especially when it came to the onscreen "Biff!", "Pow!", "Whap!" and "Thwack!" captions which didn't get used until almost the end. I won't say that this really hurt the movie all that much since it was still vibrant with colour, but it lacked the comic book feel of the TV episodes.

I still enjoyed the four "Super Criminals" even though none of them stood out as much as Lee Meriwether who had a dual role in this as The Catwoman and her disguise as a Russian journalist named Kitka. Lee Meriwether was pretty funny and ridiculously sexy yet I wish she'd been a little bit more evil with it. Possibly throwing her cat, Hecate, at Batman was the most evil thing she did in the entire farce.

The "Dynamic Duo" were the same as I remembered them. Adam West's Batman was an uber moral parody of puritanical and prohibition-era American values while Burt Ward was just a Dick (Grayson). I've always hated Robin more than any other superhero's sidekick. All that "Holy this" and "Holy that" bullshit while he punched his gloves together got on my nerves not to mention that the guy was "Captain Obvious" with his stupid comments.

I realise that this "Batman" was supposed to be a kind of satire, but if kids really bought into such antiquated values without knowing any better, I think it would be quite damaging to them. I had to keep telling myself that this was a bit of 1960s fun and I shouldn't take any of it too seriously.

They see me rollin', they hatin'

Seeing all the Bat-vehicles in action was a bit of a bonus. I didn't realise that the diecast Corgi toys were inspired by this movie even though the colours were completely wrong. My Corgi Batmobile was the later one with the towing hook rather than the flame that popped in and out. I don't believe that any of them had the red edges on their paintwork though. As for the Batcycle, Batcopter and Batboat, well, mine were just black and red with the dominant colour being black. If you ever had a bright blue Batboat, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.

One moment which I found amusing (for personal reasons which I won't go into too much detail about right now) was when Batman couldn't dispose of a bomb because a Salvation Army band was in the way. For anyone, like me, who has ever had to endure the annoyance of their bellringing beggars in the run up to Christmas, that was such a wasted opportunity, Suffice it to say that I would've loved to have seen those hypocritical Chuggers blown straight to Hell where they belong.

The interaction between the various "Super Criminals" was okay for anyone with a particularly childish mind, but their on screen time and roles were greatly reduced by having so many of them. Cesar Romero was great as The Joker in the TV series and sadly underused here. I never could stand Burgess Meredith in anything so it annoyed me that his part was larger than Cesar Romero's and far more than it needed to be.

The tiny masks make all the difference if you're a costumed criminal.

My favourite male Batman villain was always The Riddler as played by Frank Goshin. I think John Astin played him a couple of times on TV, but it was never the same. Frank Gorshin really looked the part and was mischievous with it. Again, he was very underused in this movie as well.

As for the plot, who cares? Really, does it matter? I suppose the idea of combining the four rather inept escaped criminals in a plan to destroy the United Nations seemed good on paper, but, honestly, it took way too long for them to get to the punchline and it was predictable that they were never going to get away with it.

I wouldn't say any of the movie was "laugh out loud" funny, but it was entertaining even for a horror-addicted adult such as myself to watch. I perked up at the use of an Edgar Allan Poe poem at one point, and the very awkward date between Bruce Wayne and Kitka was priceless.

The ending was a big "Oops!" moment for Batman and the Boy Blunder which was kind of funny with its implications especially if you aren't a big fan of either of them.

The Avengers (2012)

It appears that all the movie review bloggers are nerding out over this but I really don't understand the attraction.

For a start, it has nothing to do with John Steed and Emma Peel.

It has even less to do with Gambit and Purdey.

I don't really care about the 1998 version of "The Avengers" and neither did anyone else at the time, but I thought I'd mention it anyway.

"The Avengers" is obviously something to do with comic book characters which I have no interest in.

It would be like comparing apples to oranges.

I won't be watching it because I'm not 12.

It also doesn't have Spider-Man in it.