A Week Without Horror

I haven't watched any horror movies for almost a week now.

For one thing, it's been too hot to concentrate, and for another, there's been loads of "horror community" drama going on which is far more interesting than a bunch of silly movies. I am, of course, referring to the latest plagiarism scandal.

Considering how I've already talked about it on social networking sites, I'm not going to get into another huge discussion of that foolishness on my blog. Lianne Spiderbaby won't be the first or last to plagiarise movie reviews from other bloggers, and just from knowing who she's associated with in the past, it didn't surprise me in the least that she turned out to be a fake. As far as I know, she didn't steal any of my stuff, so I don't really care, but I still found it absolutely hilarious to watch "the mighty" fall. Seeing a certain gender-based clique trying to promote their other half-arsed movie reviewers throughout the fallout straddled the line between irritating and desperate. Thus, I've also had a great time pointing a finger at them like Nelson Muntz from "The Simpsons" and laughing.

Suffice it to say that Lianne Spiderbaby's plagiarism highlighted a lot of hypocrisy from people who should know better, especially in the cases of anyone who tried to defend her actions because of her gender or (allegedly) because she's pretty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and she does nothing for me, but this kind of "white knighting" nonsense is the bane of the internet (and real life). Many people stuck their feet in their mouths and lost all respect among their peers, friendships which spanned decades went down the drain, and insults were hurled at innocent bystanders who did nothing but see Lianne Spiderbaby's fraud for the crime it was.

The result of this is that I'm probably not the only person who is never going to buy another copy of Fangoria, Rue Morgue, or Video Watchdog again. But since I rarely buy obsolete papery media anyway, my attitude to those magazines is kind of redundant. All of them had their heyday before you could look up whatever you wanted on the internet instantly and for free. With the importance of the news aspect gone, these low-brow rags aren't much more than advertisements strung together with badly written fanboy articles which barely interest anyone. Hell, people aren't even reading blogs anymore, so what chance do niche magazines have in the foreseeable future?

In more important news, I've finally started watching the Drive-in Classics 32 Movie Collection which I bought last Summer. Some of the movies are pretty good although they aren't much of a step-up from softcore porn in most cases. I find nothing wrong with that whatsoever though, and I love Mill Creek's Crown International acquisitions for that very reason.

I briefly thought about starting up another blog just to review "drive-in movies", but I can't really compete with an excellent site like "The Deuce". I've found all kinds of interesting movies listed there which I didn't know even existed before. I always give credit where it's due, and I have to say that I thoroughly enjoyed browsing through their database. Check it out if you have the time.

Since I've been sacrificing quite a few of my social networking followers to the horror DVD gods in the hope of something good turning up to write about (although, in reality, it's also because they've bored me to tears with kiddified nerd-crap which I have no interest in such as San Diego Comic Con), I'll probably be back with more articles and reviews next week. It all depends on if the weather cools down enough to not have to sit in a room full of fans and an ancient air conditioner which barely redresses the balance between being boiled alive in the humidity or deafened, but we'll see what happens.

My Top Ten Sexiest Vampires

Since I've been watching a lot of vampire movies this week, what better way to end it than with a list of my sexiest vampire girls?

I know this is a bit of a cheat since there are far more than ten sexy vampires below, but I'm sure you'll appreciate the extras anyway.


1. Dracula's Bride (Monica Belucci) from "Bram Stoker's Dracula" (1992)

It's hard to choose between Florina Kendrick, Monica Bellucci and Michaela Bercu, but Monica is definitely the sexiest for me.


2. Solina (Jennifer Esposito) from "Dracula 2000" (2000)

Lucy Westerman (Colleen Fitzpatrick) is very sweet, Valerie Sharpe (Jeri Ryan) knows how to work her figure, but the hottest here is Solina who exudes sexiness throughout the whole movie.


3. Aleera (Elena Anaya) from "Van Helsing" (2004)

Again, it's almost impossible to choose between Marishka (Josie Maran), Verona (Silvia Colloca), and Aleera (Elena Anaya). I like them all, but the Spanish lady takes the prize for being the best part of this terrible film.


4. Carmilla Karnstein (Yutte Stensgaard) from "Lust for a Vampire" (1971)

Whether she's Mircalla or Carmilla doesn't matter, Yutte Stensgaard was one of the most beautiful Hammer actresses, especially when she was playing a vampire. Her victim in this picture, Amanda, was played by Judy Matheson who went on to become a TV presenter.


5. Frieda Gellhorn (Madeleine Collinson) from "Twins of Evil" (1971)

I know what you're thinking, but I can tell the difference between them, and I pick the bad twin. Mary and Madeleine Collinson played Maria and Frieda respectively, in case you wonder which is which.


6. Lilith (Angie Everhart) from "Bordello of Blood" (1996)

Not the most flattering picture of this former model, but she's still sexy. I still can't understand how Rafe Guttman managed to resist her.


7. Vamp Willow (Alyson Hannigan) from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" (1999)

Although Willow was only a vampire in two episodes of the series, "The Wish" and "Doppelgangland" (both from Season 3), she was pretty memorable. She was only ever hotter when she became an evil witch, but that's another story.


8. Mae (Jenny Wright) from "Near Dark' (1987)

Is she really only the second blonde on this list? I can't think why that is except that the lovely Mae is also the only vampire who is actually nice to her victims before sucking them dry.


9. Marie (Anne Parillaud) from "Innocent Blood" (1992)

Just for being naked as many times as she kept her clothes on, I have to include Anne Parillaud. She's a little bit too boyish to rate any higher, but she's still gorgeous.


10. Selene (Kate Beckinsale) from "Underworld" (2003)

Okay, Kate Beckinsale doesn't actually do anything sexy in the "Underworld" movies, so it's all about the way she looks. She looked even lovelier in "Van Helsing" but, unfortunately, she wasn't a vampire in that.


Bonus: Bella Cullen (Kristen Stewart) from "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2" (2012)

I always thought Alice Cullen (Ashley Greene) was the best looking vampire in the "Twilight" movies, but that was before Bella changed. Now it's "Team Bella" again all the way to the end of the Saga.


Runners up include any other Hammer vampiress (especially Ingrid Pitt), Santanico Pandemonium (Salma Hayek) in "From Dusk Till Dawn" (1996), and Darla (Julie Benz) from the "Angel" TV series.


These are the hottest vampires I can think of. Who are your favourites?

It's Caturday! Some celebrities and their cats

It's Caturday again! It's also 95 degrees outside, so don't expect to see much from me on here today apart from some even hotter pictures of celebrities and their cats. Yes, I know that's a crappy introduction, but I feel like I'm dying here. Where I come from even our cooked food doesn't reach this temperature.

I thought about doing a top ten of horror celebrities with cats, but that would be far too easy by just dipping into my screencaps folders and pulling out scenes from horror movies where someone is in the same shot as a cat. I also want to save that for another time when I can concentrate better.

I even thought about posting up some behind the scenes stills from older horror movies such as the one below from "Tales of Terror" (1962) with Peter Lorre, Vincent Price and a couple of black cats.

But that would be kind of boring really, especially if you don't know anything about the movie itself.

Instead, I trawled the internet in search of some famous celebrities who aren't nearly so famous for horror or their feline adoration. I actually found hundreds of them. I could even go through some back issues of "Cat Fancy" magazine (yes, I subscribe) and pull out a couple of dozen more.

I had to be selective though, and since I'm a rampant heterosexual, I decided to make the following list of twelve actresses and their cats. I may do another one for male celebrities next week, but we'll see how it goes.

These aren't in any particular order except, perhaps, for the cuteness of the cat involved. If you believe that then you'll also believe that if you say "gullible" really slowly, it sounds like "orange".

1. Zooey Deschanel

She was in "The Happening" (2008) which sort of counts as a horror film, but since I gave up on that idea, just look at the cute little kitten. Awww!

2. Penélope Cruz

She's also never been in a horror movie although she's been in some simply horrible ones. Doesn't Penélope look good with a cat on her shoulder? Nearly everyone looks good with a cat on their shoulder though, even pirates. Harrr!

3. Sherilyn Fenn

Most famous for "Twin Peaks" but a lot sexier in "Meridian" (1990), Sherilyn Fenn has a really grumpy looking puss in this picture. The Persian doesn't look too happy either.

4. Paris Hilton

The "House of Wax" (2005) star is obviously more famous for carrying nasty little yappy dogs around with her, but she also likes cats. I believe she has a "Munchkin" cat (one of those poor beasts which has been selectively bred with legs too short for its body) and several others.

5. Nicole Kidman

Ginger hair and a black cat? Obviously Nicole Kidman must be a witch! It's a good thing that we don't live in the 16th century anymore, isn't it?

6. Maggie Gyllenhaal

Currently most famous for being in "The Dark Knight" (2008), Maggie Gyllenhaal clearly loves her cat. That poor cat has a face that only a mother could love too.

7. Cameron Diaz

I watched Cameron Diaz in "The Box" (2009) recently, but I'm sure that isn't her only claim to fame apart from also being a nutter in "Vanilla Sky" (2001). Here she is with a vanilla cat though (a lot like my first white cat) which makes for a great picture. The cat's name is Little Man.

8. Drew Barrymore

It's nice to see an older Drew Barrymore clutching a kitten, especially after all those publicity shots with General for "Cat's Eye" (1985) when she was a child herself. Start them young and they'll always be cat lovers.

9. Christina Ricci

Either this is a still from "That Darned Cat" (1997) or Christina Ricci must have learned that she was going to be in that awful "Cursed" movie one day. I've seen this photograph credited as Christina and her very own cat so I'll go with that (especially as this is the scariest picture on the list!). I'm glad that Christina looks a lot better than this nowadays.

10. Madonna

Yes, she counts as an actress, sort of. She was good in "Die Another Day" (2002), wasn't she? There are other photos of Madonna with her cat, but I'm not sure about their legality. This one clearly came from Madonna.com so I'm making sure that I give both the credit and the link.

11. Katy Perry

Mainly a popstar but with aspirations to be an actress, Katy Perry is now known for her love of cats. Strangely, there aren't many pictures of her online with a feline companion. This seems to be an older photograph, and the cat doesn't look too comfortable. Katy has confessed that she wasn't a cat person until fairly recently and it shows. The cat's name is Kitty Purry, of course.

12. Audrey Hepburn

Okay, so this is a bit of a cop-out ending. I really wanted a picture of the late Audrey Hepburn with her own cat, but this on set shot of Audrey and "Cat" from "Breakfast at Tiffany's" (1961) will have to do. It's not the usual picture which a lot of these lists use anyway.

As much as I would like to sit here all day posting pictures while I dehydrate, that's all for now, folks.

If you are currently owned by a cat make sure that he or she has plenty of water today (and every day for that matter). Also, if you know that there are some strays where you live, stick some bowls of water outside for them too. You wouldn't want to be thirsty on a day like this, would you?