Grave Halloween (2013)

"An American college student studying in Japan risks her own life to save the spirit of her dead mother, who killed herself in the notorious Suicide Forest."

Have you heard of Aokigahara Forest before? No? Me neither. Apparently, it's the trendy place to go if you want to commit suicide in Japan, and there's a famous book about it from the 1960s called "Black Sea of Trees" by Seichō Matsumoto. It's also the setting for Steven R. Monroe's vengeful ghost movie "Grave Halloween".

Since Hallowe'en is a Western custom, if you're now wondering what Japanese ghosts have to do with it, remember that this is a "Syfy Original" movie. Even the most tenuous links will suffice when Syfy are putting titles together for their "31 Days of Halloween" month. The Japanese may not celebrate Hallowe'en as such (although many of them are aware of it), but this movie is primarily about a group of American and Canadian exchange students who decide to film their investigation of the haunted Aokigahara Forest on Hallowe'en anyway. Additionally, it was all shot in Vancouver.

Director Steven R. Monroe is, of course, famous (or infamous) for the "I Spit on Your Grave" remake, its sequel, and nearly a dozen more cheap and nasty Syfy Channel movies. Basically, he's a professional director for hire rather than an auteur, but he usually manages to slip a nice bit of gore into his movies as a kind of trademark. Thus, "Grave Halloween" may surprise a few people with the level of gore in a made-for-TV movie. There's a stick through the throat, an "Evil Dead"-style pulling of arms and legs off, and a fairly realistic broken leg among the effects. Obviously, there's no swearing or nudity this time because "Grave Halloween" is another hypocritical MA-14.

Canadian Kaitlyn Leeb and a taller American guy.

Fans of Asian horror will certainly find something to enjoy in this movie even if it's only to ogle half-Chinese Kaitlyn Leeb (the three-breasted woman from the "Total Recall" remake). Her character, Maiko, is the one responsible for everyone going to the forest due to her birth-mother's suicide there and having received a mysterious box of trinkets through the mail which she wants to use for a Sadake (or blessing/atonement) ritual. If you aren't down with the kids who all seem to be obsessed with Japan these days, or have never heard of "Sadake" before, simply replace the word with Sudoku because it's only a MacGuffin. The students never get to perform their ritual or play Sudoku because they're too busy getting killed by long-haired ghosts!

Ignoring the Japanese elements, "Grave Halloween" is essentially a backwoods slasher which homages "The Evil Dead" and "The Blair Witch Project". Unlike the latter, however, it's not a found footage movie, just one that's quickly filmed with slightly shaky handycams. It's bickering "teenagers" getting bumped off, one by one, by various ghosts (some of which look a lot like zombies) with all the usual clichés and tropes.

The main actors are a mix of bit part players from American and Canadian TV, but they do okay in their poorly differentiated and two-dimensional roles. It's not worth mentioning their names because nobody has ever heard of them. One of the more obnoxious Americans says, "That's super comforting!" at 42 minutes in, and if you already know my feelings about this bloody annoying valley girl intensifier, you'll probably be surprised that I didn't switch the movie off right there and then. But I made it to the end (with my teeth-clenched in fury) just so that I could pan it some more.

Apart from being predictable, the worst thing about "Grave Halloween" is that the backstory is more interesting than the mystery which unfolds or the creepiness of the setting. The details about Japan, its laws and customs, and how ignorant gaijin (foreigners) often behave like disrepectful assholes (and deserve to be cursed) are spot-on, but for all the positives, too much relies on xenophobia. Maybe that's a good thing, though, if it keeps people away from the real Suicide Forest.

The Devil's Curse (2008)

(AKA "Credo")



"A modern supernatural horror film that explores the dark side of the human psyche, and the terror in facing up to one's darkest fears."

While hunting for something to half-way decent to watch, I remembered that I bought a copy of "The Devil's Curse" from my local pawn shop way back in June and still hadn't opened it. From the trailer, it looked as if it was going to be something shit-yer-pants scary and supernatural so I was really looking forward to it.

Unfortunately, it was another low-budget, Lionsgate distributed title which, in terms of disappointment, turned out to be just like "Spirit Trap" (2005) all over again but without Billie Piper.

MyAnna Buring, who you may know as Sam from "The Descent" (2005) and Lotte from "Lesbian Vampire Killers" (2009), was the big name in this although Colin Salmon had almost a minute on screen as a professor of psychiatry. Colin Salmon's role was so small that I'm surprised he was even credited, but his name was right at the top of the DVD artwork as if he was one of the stars.

Another blink and you'll miss it "star" was the late Stephen Gately, the famously gay member of the Irish boyband "Boyzone", who died in 2009. This was supposed to have been his acting debut, but he only had a couple of seconds sitting round a Ouija board at the beginning. If that was acting then every extra can now claim an IMDb credit. Actually, I think they already do.

I didn't and still don't know the names of anyone else involved in this, but I think the token obnoxious American character wasn't really played by an American. I'd hazard a guess that they were all bit-part actors from various TV shows which I've never seen because "The Devil's Curse" had that vibe to it.

While it was refreshing to hear British voices in a horror movie again, one girl (whose character's name was Timmy) committed the crime of saying "uz" (with a "z") instead of "us" at one point. That nearly made me pull the DVD out and snap it in half! I hated when that Northernism got popular in the South of England back in the mid-2000s almost as much as I now loathe how Americans are hellbent on replacing every instance of the word "very" with "super" in a way that makes them all sound like affected rejects from "The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin". There are now certain blogs and YouTube channels which I can no longer bear to visit because of it.

Anyway, "The Devil's Curse" started off okay, had some interesting if not very likeable characters, and seemed to be on track to be a pretty good "haunted house" kind of deal. I could tell by the sparseness of the sets that my initial feelings were going to be dashed to pieces, but I suffered through the boredom of the story in twenty minute stages during the day just so I could say that I'd seen it.

The funny thing is, I think I have seen "The Devil's Curse" before and probably on "Netflix" when I still had it. It all seemed very familiar and not just because the scenario was so unoriginal. If I had watched it before, I didn't make it all the way to the end. I barely made it all the way to the end this time either.

The main problem was that the script wasn't very good, the story was overambitious and tried to be a thinking man's "psychological horror" with a twist which didn't make a lot of sense, and the pace at which it unfolded was slower than a snail crawling through treacle.

The acting was okay with MyAnne Buring carrying most of the film, but there was hardly any depth to the characterisation. The camerawork was above average too with none of that shaky nonsense going on. It was just so boring without any jump scares, gore or nudity that I have no idea how it even got an R-rating. Maybe there was some swearing which, since I'm English, I didn't even notice.

If the story had been more shocking or, at the very least, scary then it could have been a pretty decent little film. As it was, I didn't get anything out of it.

The Haunting of Sarah Hardy (1989)

"As a child, Sarah witnesses her wealthy mother's suicide. Later, as a young bride, she is haunted by her mother's voice and other strange manifestations. Is it her imagination, someone playing tricks on her, or her dead mother's spirit?"

Since I made a mistake and watched this because I thought it was a horror movie which I'd never heard of before, I'm going to review this really quickly and get it out of the way.

If you've ever seen "Dominigue" (1979), "The Haunting of Sarah Hardy" was much the same, but with more twists. Some of the twists worked while others were as ridiculous as the ones in the also similar "Double Jeopardy" (1999).

It's interesting that the three films which I've just named are ten years apart from each other. Maybe Hollywood thinks that people are stupid and forget what was put out a decade before, but I'm one of the reasons why they can't get away with it. I wonder if there was a movie which used the same plot in 2009? I'm sure there was.

Certainly, Sela Ward, the star of "The Haunting of Sarah Hardy", was in a another remade thriller which pretended to be a horror movie in 2009. I actually wondered when I watched "The Stepfather", if the mother was somebody who I should know for being famous for something else. Of course, even with the aid of the IMDb, I'm still none the wiser. I don't even remember her from "The Fugitive" and, amusingly, even though she also starred in another movie called "Double Jeopardy" rather than the one I've mentioned, it was from 1992, and I've never seen it.

I'm not going to pretend to know anything about any of the other actors in "The Haunting of Sarah Hardy". I simply haven't watched enough of the American TV shows where most of them came from and went on to work in. Morgan Fairchild was the exception because I used to watch her in "Flamingo Road". She always played the part of a scheming bitch really well and was successfully typecast in this movie too. I thought that she looked surprisingly plain in comparison to Sela Ward, but maybe it's because I prefer brunettes.

One of the unnamed stars of this movie was actually the house where it all took place. If you've ever watched those conspiracy theory documentaries about Stanley Kubrick and "The Shining", you'll be surprised that nobody ever made more of the fact that Pittock Mansion isn't anywhere near an ocean in real life. If the missing maze of the Overlook Hotel means that Kubrick faked the moon landings then surely the director of this film, Jerry London, must have been in on them too. Sometimes I despair of people.

The whole thriller was basically about romantically linked schemers trying to get ownership of the mansion and the rest of Sarah Hardy's wealth. If it had been more original and scripted better, it would have been a classic. Unfortunately, film noir fans had been enjoying this plot over and over again for donkey's years. Apparently, although "Gaslight" (1944) may have been the first to use this story, it was done to death. Even Agatha Christie used it for "Endless Night" which became a movie in 1972.

There were no scares in this, not much suspense, and it was all very predictable. The acting was pretty good though with nobody disgracing themselves with anything but their dated clothing. Shoulder pads, big permed hair and huge glasses abounded; it was all so very '80s.

The ending was too rushed and the final shock which was intended fell flat. I'm willing to forgive that since I was entertained in spite of "The Haunting of Sarah Hardy" not being the ghost story which I initially wanted it to be. Misleading titles really annoy me.

I can't forgive the lack of anything sexy even though I know that this was a made-for-TV movie and American TV is full of prudes. A couple of nice rumpy-pumpy scenes would certainly have made the story more realistic since there wasn't enough sexual tension between the characters or chemistry between the actors to make any of their relationships believable.