Yes, it's really the end of the blog this time.
This news will come as no surprise to my readers who have noticed that I've slowed down a lot over the last couple of years and not watched many movies at all. For one thing, I don't have the time or patience for reviewing horror movies anymore, and for another, I've lost interest in movies completely. I could blame it on various health issues that have come and gone, but really it's just part of getting older and growing out of stuff.
I'll leave the blog up as some of what I wrote is funny to go back and look at. In particular, the horrible punctuation mistakes of the early posts are somewhat amusing, and all of the vitriol I poured out on crappy low-budget horror is still relevant. Pointless movies made by delusional people which I really only wrote about because I had nothing better to do. Meh, we live and learn.
So what's next? Nothing really.
Up until fairly recently, I'd still been buying the occasional DVD from CeX, and although I wanted to write a series of posts called "The Joy of CeX", it's just not the same as those fantastic pawn shop scavenger hunts I used to go on. There's no satisfaction from the hunt when you can easily look up whatever you want and buy it from a website. The bargains are there, of course, because DVD and Blu-ray are almost dead as a format. Hell, the entire movie industry is pretty much dead now too, or if not dead, it's certainly extremely poorly and ready to kick the bucket at any time. There's nothing relevant for anyone my age. In fact, there's very little which is relevant for anyone over 18 now. It's mostly a lot of misguided, preachy, virtue-signalling, political crap which is so poorly disguised with feeble "storytelling" that only the very foolish still buy into it.
Having said that, I don't even watch the older movies I collected, they just sit on my bookshelves as a reminder of this great time-wasting folly. Same with the books I will never read and games which I never play.
So yeah, that's it. Nothing more to see here unless I change my mind again one day. I can't really see it happening though. There's no money to be made from any of this. In case you missed it, the magazines are slowly disappearing, and the big name blogs (which have never been acknowledged by normal people for having any credibility) are apparently e-begging. Kickstarter, Indiegogo, and all those Patreon pan-handlers can fuck right off. If you really want to pay "idiot tax" to a bunch of people who don't care about anyone except themselves, go ahead, but I'm not falling for it.
The whole "scene" is now an even bigger pile of cliquey shit with nothing but the really shitty people left in it. When they aren't cross-promoting each other, or falsely playing the victim while bullying and inciting witch-hunts against anyone who challenges their brainwashed opinions, they are regurgitating the same old nostalgia crap as clickbait. It's pathetic and boring. The rest of us, the good people who've seen the light, have kicked the dust of this crap off our feet and moved on.
Later, gators.
Update
Photobucket is holding everyone to ransom over third-party image hosting. It looks like they finally did what all the trolls, haters, psychopaths, bullies, and pathological liars couldn't do. They killed my blog.
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label movies. Show all posts
March 26, 2017
September 1, 2016
Still nothing good to review
Every so often I think about reviewing something again, but unfortunately, there's been nothing worth watching this year. The quality (and quantity) of new horror movies is even worse than last year, and the year before, and the year before that. There are lots of reasons for this, but the blame mostly lies with lack of talent and new ideas. It doesn't help that the various nepotistic cliques of niche reviewers keep praising utter shit (when they aren't writing lazy nostalgia pieces) because it's all they have left to talk about.
Yes, we've had "The Conjuring 2" which deserves some kind of mention for trying to match its sets to how things looked in the Enfield poltergeist haunting videos on YouTube. I noticed the pop posters and had a bit of fun trying to identify the ones which were obviously different or in the wrong places. The Bay City Rollers, David Soul, and Joanna Lumley posters were close, but I don't remember The Kinks pullout poster from Jackie magazine actually being one of the girls' decorations. I also have some concerns over the family owning 1960s-style telephones (especially the wall-mounted kitchen phone) rather than trimphones from the late 1970s, but I can let that pass as "good enough". British telecommunications were not this movie's focus or forte. As for jump-scares, yeah, the nun-demon got me, and old Reg had a good moment.
Some people remarked how "The Conjuring 2" felt like more of a Christmas movie than anything else (duh, because it's set at Christmas), and I have nothing else to add to that uber "insightful" (oh God, that awful low-brow word overused by sheep across the internet!) observation. It's not Christmassy like "Gremlins", but the seasonal trappings are there in the background if you bother to look for them.
Maybe I should congratulate James Wan on trying his hardest to make heroes out of a pair of known charlatans. I'd never even heard of the Warrens before "The Conjuring", mainly because I don't really "do" paranormal investigation bullshit, and of course, I'm not American. According to ghosthunter Harry Price, the Warrens only turned up once, very briefly, and weren't big players in the Enfield poltergeist investigation at all. Patrick Wilson singing an Elvis song as Ed Warren is also a bit weird, out of place, but probably kind of nice for the ladies. So kudos for having very little historical accuracy then. But hey, the whole thing was a hoax anyway, so who even cares?
I've also watched some horrid Kevin Bacon movie called "The Darkness". It's filled with clichés and the usual predictable possession guff, albeit with a couple of seemingly original "native American" touches which fall flat. Typical Blumhouse shit and as worthless and instantly forgettable as everything else they churn out. I think they tried to make it controversial by having an autistic kid in it and making him even more evil than autistic kids usually are in movies, but it didn't work out too well. Most "reviewers" simply saw Kevin Bacon attached, exclaimed "Doesn't he look old now?", and that was the highlight for them. "The Darkness" was rendered virtually unwatchable, however, by being filmed with a handycam with its very noticeable quivers and judders. Could nobody afford a tripod? Perhaps they spent all the budget on advertising their website. I don't know and don't care.
From other genres, "Green Room" bored me rigid. American Nazis (for lack of a better term) imprison a punk band in their backwoods concert hall and much merriment fails to ensue. I couldn't understand what that Yeltsin guy (who died by running himself over this year) said in any of his mumbled lines, and the namby-pamby feebleness of the instantly unlikable characters frustrated me. A couple of gunshot effects were undoubtedly cool near the end, but "Romper Stomper" is still the go-to movie if you like this kind of thing.
The biggest theatrical release for me was "Gods of Egypt". I actually enjoyed "Gods of Egypt" to the extent that I got threatened with physical assault on Facebook (and one person blocked me) because I dared to like something. The fucked-up-ness of that whole situation is quite hilarious. I've seen people getting all bent out of shape because I didn't like something but never the opposite. Even my infamous and blatant love for the "Twilight" movies never went that far. To this day, people still bitch about how I liked an incredibly successful franchise which they consider to be "non-horror" even though it had vampires and werewolves in it, while at the same time, they rave about their shitty horror-comedies which are even less worthy of being part of the genre. Some people, as we know, are just nuts.
Don't get me wrong, "Gods of Egypt" isn't a great movie, but it's easily as good as "Clash of the Titans" or any of those other adventures meant for little kids. It looks fantastic, the story is okay-ish, and it certainly didn't wreck Egyptian mythology as much as "Immortals" shat all over the ancient Greek legends a few years ago. I saw some SJW bullshit about "whitewashing" with the casting, but since those comments came from people who have no education or faintest idea about the diverse ethnicity in Ancient Egypt, I can laugh that off. There's no point arguing online with liberals, SJWs, or any other brainwashed "causers" because their combined IQs are less than a tin of pilchards. They clearly didn't watch the movie anyway, because if they had, they would have realised that there are more black characters than any other race portrayed. It may be one actor (Chadwick Boseman playing Thoth) repeated hundreds of times, but it still counts!
Lastly, as far as new movies go, I watched "The Huntsman: Winter's War" and almost loved it. Again, nothing all that new, and no Kristen Stewart in it, but it has some nice bawdy British humour and a little bit of visual subtext which reduces the current "gender wars" (which really only exist in fake realities such as American college campuses or online, you know) into the minuscule kerfuffle that they truly are. If you don't pick up on it, you aren't good at reading images and certainly shouldn't review movies.
Among many things I've boycotted, I obviously haven't watched the remake/re-imagining/reboot/sequel of "Ghostbusters" because I don't like horror-comedies and didn't ever like the original or its sequel. The original failed at everything I call entertaining, apart from the one scene with the old woman/librarian ghost, and is just too sickeningly "American" for my taste. In other words, its comedy is fucking lame. Big deal that they changed all the genders, I couldn't care less if they replaced the characters with talking bags of shit. I doubt that anyone would notice the difference, but it's possible that I'd be more inclined to watch it if they had. Replace the cast with cats though, and I'd definitely watch the next one.
Thanks to Amazon Prime (and a mixture of curiosity and boredom), I suffered through the three "Divergent" movies. I had no idea what to expect, and now wish I hadn't wasted my time. They are full of "pretty" talent, owe a lot to "Starship Troopers", and have some decent eyecandy here and there, but sci-fi blows anyway, and this is particularly shit sci-fi at that. When the kids all celebrated one of their minor victories by self-harming with tattoos, that was enough for me. I'm not the target audience for this crap, and even if I was, such trendy teen sci-fi has really gone downhill since "The Hunger Games" ripped off "Battle Royale".
In other news, I may start a new blog eventually about computer games. Aside from making cat videos and intentionally awful 5-hour podcasts, I've been playing computer games more than watching movies this year because, as I said at the start, this has already been a truly shit year for movies, and it isn't going to get any better.
 |
| The only "Summer movie" I watched. |
Yes, we've had "The Conjuring 2" which deserves some kind of mention for trying to match its sets to how things looked in the Enfield poltergeist haunting videos on YouTube. I noticed the pop posters and had a bit of fun trying to identify the ones which were obviously different or in the wrong places. The Bay City Rollers, David Soul, and Joanna Lumley posters were close, but I don't remember The Kinks pullout poster from Jackie magazine actually being one of the girls' decorations. I also have some concerns over the family owning 1960s-style telephones (especially the wall-mounted kitchen phone) rather than trimphones from the late 1970s, but I can let that pass as "good enough". British telecommunications were not this movie's focus or forte. As for jump-scares, yeah, the nun-demon got me, and old Reg had a good moment.
Some people remarked how "The Conjuring 2" felt like more of a Christmas movie than anything else (duh, because it's set at Christmas), and I have nothing else to add to that uber "insightful" (oh God, that awful low-brow word overused by sheep across the internet!) observation. It's not Christmassy like "Gremlins", but the seasonal trappings are there in the background if you bother to look for them.
Maybe I should congratulate James Wan on trying his hardest to make heroes out of a pair of known charlatans. I'd never even heard of the Warrens before "The Conjuring", mainly because I don't really "do" paranormal investigation bullshit, and of course, I'm not American. According to ghosthunter Harry Price, the Warrens only turned up once, very briefly, and weren't big players in the Enfield poltergeist investigation at all. Patrick Wilson singing an Elvis song as Ed Warren is also a bit weird, out of place, but probably kind of nice for the ladies. So kudos for having very little historical accuracy then. But hey, the whole thing was a hoax anyway, so who even cares?
 |
| Not the worst thing I've ever seen but damned close. |
I've also watched some horrid Kevin Bacon movie called "The Darkness". It's filled with clichés and the usual predictable possession guff, albeit with a couple of seemingly original "native American" touches which fall flat. Typical Blumhouse shit and as worthless and instantly forgettable as everything else they churn out. I think they tried to make it controversial by having an autistic kid in it and making him even more evil than autistic kids usually are in movies, but it didn't work out too well. Most "reviewers" simply saw Kevin Bacon attached, exclaimed "Doesn't he look old now?", and that was the highlight for them. "The Darkness" was rendered virtually unwatchable, however, by being filmed with a handycam with its very noticeable quivers and judders. Could nobody afford a tripod? Perhaps they spent all the budget on advertising their website. I don't know and don't care.
From other genres, "Green Room" bored me rigid. American Nazis (for lack of a better term) imprison a punk band in their backwoods concert hall and much merriment fails to ensue. I couldn't understand what that Yeltsin guy (who died by running himself over this year) said in any of his mumbled lines, and the namby-pamby feebleness of the instantly unlikable characters frustrated me. A couple of gunshot effects were undoubtedly cool near the end, but "Romper Stomper" is still the go-to movie if you like this kind of thing.
 |
| Fuck me, I liked something! |
The biggest theatrical release for me was "Gods of Egypt". I actually enjoyed "Gods of Egypt" to the extent that I got threatened with physical assault on Facebook (and one person blocked me) because I dared to like something. The fucked-up-ness of that whole situation is quite hilarious. I've seen people getting all bent out of shape because I didn't like something but never the opposite. Even my infamous and blatant love for the "Twilight" movies never went that far. To this day, people still bitch about how I liked an incredibly successful franchise which they consider to be "non-horror" even though it had vampires and werewolves in it, while at the same time, they rave about their shitty horror-comedies which are even less worthy of being part of the genre. Some people, as we know, are just nuts.
Don't get me wrong, "Gods of Egypt" isn't a great movie, but it's easily as good as "Clash of the Titans" or any of those other adventures meant for little kids. It looks fantastic, the story is okay-ish, and it certainly didn't wreck Egyptian mythology as much as "Immortals" shat all over the ancient Greek legends a few years ago. I saw some SJW bullshit about "whitewashing" with the casting, but since those comments came from people who have no education or faintest idea about the diverse ethnicity in Ancient Egypt, I can laugh that off. There's no point arguing online with liberals, SJWs, or any other brainwashed "causers" because their combined IQs are less than a tin of pilchards. They clearly didn't watch the movie anyway, because if they had, they would have realised that there are more black characters than any other race portrayed. It may be one actor (Chadwick Boseman playing Thoth) repeated hundreds of times, but it still counts!
 |
| Starring lots of beautiful actresses whose names I can't remember. |
Lastly, as far as new movies go, I watched "The Huntsman: Winter's War" and almost loved it. Again, nothing all that new, and no Kristen Stewart in it, but it has some nice bawdy British humour and a little bit of visual subtext which reduces the current "gender wars" (which really only exist in fake realities such as American college campuses or online, you know) into the minuscule kerfuffle that they truly are. If you don't pick up on it, you aren't good at reading images and certainly shouldn't review movies.
Among many things I've boycotted, I obviously haven't watched the remake/re-imagining/reboot/sequel of "Ghostbusters" because I don't like horror-comedies and didn't ever like the original or its sequel. The original failed at everything I call entertaining, apart from the one scene with the old woman/librarian ghost, and is just too sickeningly "American" for my taste. In other words, its comedy is fucking lame. Big deal that they changed all the genders, I couldn't care less if they replaced the characters with talking bags of shit. I doubt that anyone would notice the difference, but it's possible that I'd be more inclined to watch it if they had. Replace the cast with cats though, and I'd definitely watch the next one.
 |
| Please don't make any more of these! |
Thanks to Amazon Prime (and a mixture of curiosity and boredom), I suffered through the three "Divergent" movies. I had no idea what to expect, and now wish I hadn't wasted my time. They are full of "pretty" talent, owe a lot to "Starship Troopers", and have some decent eyecandy here and there, but sci-fi blows anyway, and this is particularly shit sci-fi at that. When the kids all celebrated one of their minor victories by self-harming with tattoos, that was enough for me. I'm not the target audience for this crap, and even if I was, such trendy teen sci-fi has really gone downhill since "The Hunger Games" ripped off "Battle Royale".
In other news, I may start a new blog eventually about computer games. Aside from making cat videos and intentionally awful 5-hour podcasts, I've been playing computer games more than watching movies this year because, as I said at the start, this has already been a truly shit year for movies, and it isn't going to get any better.
August 1, 2015
5 Horror Films Which You Probably Haven't Seen
Many clickbait lists of "Horror Films You Haven't Seen" come and go, but I'm almost willing to bet money that you haven't seen all of these movies.
As usual, I'm sticking primarily to the best rather than the cheap and nasty, no-budget "hobby horror" indie crap. Having said that, some of these movies aren't highly-rated by the unwashed masses, and I haven't put them in any particularly order. None of their stories are very original, and your enjoyment of them, sadly, may differ from mine.
(Because I'm lazy, all the synopses are taken from the IMDb. Yeah, I know. No big surprise there.)
1. Sector 7 (2011)
"Something awaits 2,500 meters under the deep sea off the southern tip of Jeju Island... Directed by Kim Ji-hoon and produced by JK Youn, the sci-fi action thriller Sector 7 revolves around an oil rig crew forced to battle a deadly creature at sea."
If you liked "The Host" (2006), this will fill in some time while you continue to wait for the official sequel. It's mainly all CGI with a few practical effects, but the monster is suitably nasty.
The girls in it are very beautiful, the men are a mixed bag of quirky and handsome, and the setting itself is exactly what you might expect of an oil rig in a fun action movie rather than being in any way realistic.
Similar to: The Host, Alien, Deep Blue Sea, Leviathan, and Deep Rising.
2. The Hotel!! (2002)
"Sarapee and Pun inherit a beach mansion from Luang Narubal, the husband and benefactor whom they betrayed and left to die in sorrow. The two now decide to move in and turn the mansion into a hotel in order to make some money. Twenty five years pass. Sarapee has died. Her two children from her marriage to Pun, Parinya and Patama, are now fully grown and they return from living abroad to take over the hotel. After renovating it, the mystery begins. Deaths occur over and over again, and sometimes Parinya and Pattama witness them. It isn't long before they are the only two people left to uncover the mystery and fight to stay alive. But who is the mysterious murderer?"
It's a Thai ghost story/murder mystery. The story lags in a few places, and overacting abounds, but the effects are surprisingly good considering the obvious low-budget.
There aren't too many scares, but there are a few grisly bits which might surprise you.
Similar to: Spectres, The Green Man, The Haunting of Seacliff Inn, and even parts of The Omen.
3. Blacker Than the Night (1975)
"When four women move into an old house left by one woman's aunt, strange things begin to happen. Bizarre voices, visions of ghosts, and mysterious noises lead them to discover the darkest powers of evil and a horror and agony beyond terror."
Another supernatural murder mystery which borders on being a slasher. It's Mexican and better known by its Spanish title of "Más negro que la noche".
Before anyone starts thinking that the word "negro" is racist, the title refers the colour of the black cat's fur in the movie. And yes, Becker the cat does play a very important part.
Considered a classic in some circles, harsher critics only rate "Blacker Than the Night" as average. Inevitably, it was remade (albeit by another Mexican director) last year. Although it also has its detractors, the remake is okay too.
Similar to: The Legacy, The Amityville Horror, The Woman in Black, and virtually any other haunted house movie.
4. See the Sea (1997)
"Sasha, a young British woman, is living with her baby daughter at Ile d'Yeu, a peaceful beach community. A stranger appears. Her name is Tatiana, she's passing through, and pitches her tent in Sasha's yard. The two women build an odd rapport, and tension builds as events unfold."
Originally called "Regarde la mer" (because it's French), this is a short one in that it's only 52 minutes long. Fortunately, it doesn't feel like a modern short, and for a low-budget movie, the production values and acting are very good throughout.
The story certainly isn't as predictable as you might expect. Some might even say that it's shocking. Either way, it's notable for being a kind of precursor to "À l'intérieur" (2007), but it's far more classy, believable, and memorable.
Similar to: Empty Cradle, À l'intérieur (aka Inside), and The Hand That Rocks the Cradle.
5. The Dark Hours (2005)
"Dr. Samantha Goodman, an attractive psychiatrist in her thirties, joins her husband and sister for a weekend at a winter cottage when an unexpected guest arrives. Harlan Pyne, a violent sexual offender, is convinced that Samantha conducted unethical experiments on him while she was his doctor. With the assistance of his troubled yet eager protege, Harlan forces Samantha and her family to participate in a series of nightmarish games. On this night of terror, escape is not an option, truth guarantees nothing, and revenge will not necessarily be sweet."
It's Canadian (so it borrows from all over the place like most Canadian horror movies) and has great acting.
I have nothing new to say about "The Dark Hours" because I've already reviewed it. It's nice that you can get it for only 50c at Amazon now though.
Similar to: Identity, Sublime, Frailty, Cheap Thrills, and Would You Rather.
So there you have it. I was initially going to list ten movies, but it's too hot today, and as I said previously, I'm far too lazy.
I chose mainly foreign language movies because, let's face it, the slew of crappy American horror has had nothing good to offer anyone outside of the "noobs" and "nyuk-nyuk-nyuk brigade" for many years.
You can buy most of these movies from Amazon or rent them from Netflix. You'll also find them on YouTube, Hulu, Vudu, and other video streaming sites.
Tracking these movies down should keep you occupied, and hopefully, they will stop some people from constantly complaining that there's "nothing to watch".
As usual, I'm sticking primarily to the best rather than the cheap and nasty, no-budget "hobby horror" indie crap. Having said that, some of these movies aren't highly-rated by the unwashed masses, and I haven't put them in any particularly order. None of their stories are very original, and your enjoyment of them, sadly, may differ from mine.
(Because I'm lazy, all the synopses are taken from the IMDb. Yeah, I know. No big surprise there.)
1. Sector 7 (2011)
"Something awaits 2,500 meters under the deep sea off the southern tip of Jeju Island... Directed by Kim Ji-hoon and produced by JK Youn, the sci-fi action thriller Sector 7 revolves around an oil rig crew forced to battle a deadly creature at sea."
If you liked "The Host" (2006), this will fill in some time while you continue to wait for the official sequel. It's mainly all CGI with a few practical effects, but the monster is suitably nasty.
The girls in it are very beautiful, the men are a mixed bag of quirky and handsome, and the setting itself is exactly what you might expect of an oil rig in a fun action movie rather than being in any way realistic.
Similar to: The Host, Alien, Deep Blue Sea, Leviathan, and Deep Rising.
2. The Hotel!! (2002)
"Sarapee and Pun inherit a beach mansion from Luang Narubal, the husband and benefactor whom they betrayed and left to die in sorrow. The two now decide to move in and turn the mansion into a hotel in order to make some money. Twenty five years pass. Sarapee has died. Her two children from her marriage to Pun, Parinya and Patama, are now fully grown and they return from living abroad to take over the hotel. After renovating it, the mystery begins. Deaths occur over and over again, and sometimes Parinya and Pattama witness them. It isn't long before they are the only two people left to uncover the mystery and fight to stay alive. But who is the mysterious murderer?"
It's a Thai ghost story/murder mystery. The story lags in a few places, and overacting abounds, but the effects are surprisingly good considering the obvious low-budget.
There aren't too many scares, but there are a few grisly bits which might surprise you.
Similar to: Spectres, The Green Man, The Haunting of Seacliff Inn, and even parts of The Omen.
3. Blacker Than the Night (1975)
"When four women move into an old house left by one woman's aunt, strange things begin to happen. Bizarre voices, visions of ghosts, and mysterious noises lead them to discover the darkest powers of evil and a horror and agony beyond terror."
Another supernatural murder mystery which borders on being a slasher. It's Mexican and better known by its Spanish title of "Más negro que la noche".
Before anyone starts thinking that the word "negro" is racist, the title refers the colour of the black cat's fur in the movie. And yes, Becker the cat does play a very important part.
Considered a classic in some circles, harsher critics only rate "Blacker Than the Night" as average. Inevitably, it was remade (albeit by another Mexican director) last year. Although it also has its detractors, the remake is okay too.
Similar to: The Legacy, The Amityville Horror, The Woman in Black, and virtually any other haunted house movie.
4. See the Sea (1997)
"Sasha, a young British woman, is living with her baby daughter at Ile d'Yeu, a peaceful beach community. A stranger appears. Her name is Tatiana, she's passing through, and pitches her tent in Sasha's yard. The two women build an odd rapport, and tension builds as events unfold."
Originally called "Regarde la mer" (because it's French), this is a short one in that it's only 52 minutes long. Fortunately, it doesn't feel like a modern short, and for a low-budget movie, the production values and acting are very good throughout.
The story certainly isn't as predictable as you might expect. Some might even say that it's shocking. Either way, it's notable for being a kind of precursor to "À l'intérieur" (2007), but it's far more classy, believable, and memorable.
Similar to: Empty Cradle, À l'intérieur (aka Inside), and The Hand That Rocks the Cradle.
5. The Dark Hours (2005)
"Dr. Samantha Goodman, an attractive psychiatrist in her thirties, joins her husband and sister for a weekend at a winter cottage when an unexpected guest arrives. Harlan Pyne, a violent sexual offender, is convinced that Samantha conducted unethical experiments on him while she was his doctor. With the assistance of his troubled yet eager protege, Harlan forces Samantha and her family to participate in a series of nightmarish games. On this night of terror, escape is not an option, truth guarantees nothing, and revenge will not necessarily be sweet."
It's Canadian (so it borrows from all over the place like most Canadian horror movies) and has great acting.
I have nothing new to say about "The Dark Hours" because I've already reviewed it. It's nice that you can get it for only 50c at Amazon now though.
Similar to: Identity, Sublime, Frailty, Cheap Thrills, and Would You Rather.
So there you have it. I was initially going to list ten movies, but it's too hot today, and as I said previously, I'm far too lazy.
I chose mainly foreign language movies because, let's face it, the slew of crappy American horror has had nothing good to offer anyone outside of the "noobs" and "nyuk-nyuk-nyuk brigade" for many years.
You can buy most of these movies from Amazon or rent them from Netflix. You'll also find them on YouTube, Hulu, Vudu, and other video streaming sites.
Tracking these movies down should keep you occupied, and hopefully, they will stop some people from constantly complaining that there's "nothing to watch".
July 28, 2014
The Top 200 Horror Films
Once you've seen all these films, there's little else that the horror genre has to offer except for more repetition and inferior clones of the same.
If you are new to the horror genre, just fill up your DVD/Blu-ray collection with these and throw any other "horror movies" that you may have acquired in the bin. You aren't going to watch any of them ever again anyway.
Also note that a considerable number of these titles barely meet the minimum requirements for "horror"—mainly because they aren't SCARY—but I needed 200 of them for this list.
If you want to buy any of these films, you can save a small fortune by getting them from The Bloody Horror Store.
October 1, 2013
TCM's Horror Schedule for October 2013
What a difference a year makes! The last time I posted one of these TV schedules, there were loads of classic horror movies to watch. Sadly, apart from a ton of Public Domain and Vincent Price movies, there's not much else to look forward to this month. Shame on you TCM! How very disappointing.
Since they've also stopped providing a convenient .pdf file, I've manually reformatted the official schedule and corrected the typos. It's easier to print out and tick off the movies as you watch them this way, but as we've all got huge horror DVD collections and/or Netflix, I doubt that any of us will bother.
Tuesday, October 1st
NOTHING!
Wednesday, October 2nd
NOTHING!
Thursday, October 3rd
12:45am - The Collector (1965)
3:00am - Dr. Crippen (1963)
Friday, October 4th
8:00pm - Carnival of Souls (1962)
9:30pm - Night of the Living Dead (1968)
Saturday, October 5th
1:30am - Bride of Frankenstein (1935)
3:00am - Frankenstein Created Woman (1967)
4:45am - The Wasp Woman (1959)
10:30am - The Gorgon (1964)
12:00pm - The Devil's Bride (1968)
Sunday, October 6th
2:00am - Billy the Kid Vs. Dracula (1966)
3:15am - Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter (1966)
Monday, October 7th
NOTHING!
Tuesday, October 8th
NOTHING!
Wednesday, October 9th
NOTHING!
Thursday, October 10th
NOTHING!
Friday, October 11th
8:00pm - Horror of Dracula (1958)
9:30pm - Isle of the Dead (1945)
11:00pm - Dead of Night (1945)
Saturday, October 12th
1:00am - The Haunting (1963)
3:00am - The House of Seven Corpses (1974)
4:30am - Horror Castle (1963)
12:00pm - The Two Faces of Dr. Jekyll (1961)
4:30pm - It Came from Outer Space (1953)
6:00pm - The World, the Flesh, and the Devil (1959)
Sunday, October 13th
NOTHING!
Monday, October 14th
12:00am - Nosferatu (1922)
2:00am - Vampyr (1932)
3:15am - The Vampire Bat (1933)
4:30am - The Vampire (1957)
Tuesday, October 15th
NOTHING!
Wednesday, October 16th
NOTHING!
Thursday, October 17th
NOTHING!
Friday, October 18th
8:00pm - Burn, Witch, Burn (1962)
9:45pm - The Tomb of Ligeia (1964)
11:15pm - The Seventh Victim (1943)
Saturday, October 19th
12:30am - Curse of the Demon (1958)
2:15am - I Walked with a Zombie (1943)
3:30am - The Leopard Man (1943)
10:30am - The Devil's Own (1966)
12:15pm - The Plague of the Zombies (1966)
8:00pm - Freaks (1932)
9:15pm - Mark of the Vampire (1935)
10:30pm - The Devil Doll (1936)
Sunday, October 20th
2:15am - Incubus (1965)
3:45am - The Hypnotic Eye (1960)
Monday, October 21st
12:00am - Haxan (1922)
2:00am - Kwaidan (1965)
6:15am - Eye of the Devil (1966)
Tuesday, October 22nd
4:30pm - A Place of One's Own (1945)
Wednesday, October 23rd
NOTHING!
Thursday, October 24th
8:00pm - House of Wax (1953)
9:45pm - The Mad Magician (1954)
11:00pm - House of Usher (1960)
Friday, October 25th
12:30am - Diary of a Madman (1963)
2:15am - The Tingler (1959)
3:45am - House on Haunted Hill (1959)
6:45am - Tower of London (1962)
8:15am - The Raven (1963)
6:30pm - The Walking Dead (1936)
8:00pm - A Bucket of Blood (1959)
9:15pm - Dementia 13 (1963)
10:45pm - What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? (1962)
Saturday, October 26th
1:15am - Sisters (1973)
3:00am - Spider Baby (1964)
4:30am - Village of the Damned (1961)
10:30am - Maniac (1963)
8:00pm - Bride of Frankenstein (1935)
9:30pm - The Mummy (1932)
11:00pm - Cat People (1942)
Sunday, October 27th
12:30am - White Zombie (1932)
2:00am - Psychomania (1973)
3:30am - The Witches (1966)
4:15pm - Children of the Damned (1964)
6:00pm - Them! (1954)
Monday, October 28th
NOTHING!
Tuesday, October 29th
NOTHING!
Wednesday, October 30th
NOTHING!
Thursday, October 31st - HALLOWE'EN!
12:00am - Freaks (1932)
6:00am - The Curse of Frankenstein (1957)
7:30am - The Mummy (1959)
9:00am - Horror Castle (1963)
10:30am - The Castle of the Living Dead (1964)
12:15pm - Dracula, Prince of Darkness (1965)
1:45pm - The Devil's Bride (1968)
3:45pm - Dracula Has Risen from the Grave (1969)
5:30pm - Horror Express (1972)
8:00pm - Pit and the Pendulum (1961)
9:30pm - The Haunted Palace (1963)
11:15pm - The Masque of the Red Death (1964)
Continuing Hallowe'en through to Friday, November 1st
1:00am - The Abominable Dr. Phibes (1971)
2:45am - Twice-Told Tales (1963)
5:00am - The Tomb of Ligeia (1964)
6.30am - The Conqueror Worm (1968)
8:15am - Theatre of Blood (1973)
What will you be watching?
December 9, 2012
Blu-ray discs are a scam!
With dual layer Blu-ray discs being the industry standard for feature-length videos why isn't the 50 GB storage space used more efficiently?
50 GB is around 12 times the storage space of standard DVD discs with 4.3 GB yet still entire seasons of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", for example, don't come on a single Blu-ray disc. What the Hell? Why?
"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" isn't even on Blu-ray, but the seasons do already exist in 6 disc DVD packs. Theoretically, that means that 6 seasons should fit on 3 Blu-ray discs. Give or take a few pointless extras and maybe adding the original 1992 movie to a boxset, the maximum number of Blu-ray discs needed would be 4. How much do you want to bet that when "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" does come out on Blu-ray, there'll still be 6 Blu-ray discs to every pack and the price will be doubled?
What's the reason for this? Do you think that the original 4:3 ratioed, standard television format shows will be magically enhanced somehow to make them clearer or the stories will become any better because of it? You can't save the final season of "Buffy" from being crap anyway no matter how much you polish the turd, but I digressed. No, the truth is that Blu-ray is a scam.
No matter what the media and the nerd blogs tell you, there's no huge difference between the transfers of movies available on DVD and Blu-ray in the same way that DVD was a huge technological upgrade from VHS. The movie industry simply needed something else to get money out of people. If there is any benefit at all, it's that the plastic which covers the label where the information is really stored is a little bit harder to scratch. It's still not impossible though. Errors in duplication are just as frequent too.
I've seen Blu-ray discs which look absolutely no different to the DVD versions of the same movie. I've also seen transfers to Blu-ray which are a lot worse so it's become obvious that it's all a con. Unless you have a huge HDTV with at least a 70 inch screen, you aren't going to notice much difference either way. On my 3 year old 42 inch television, there's no difference at all.
Blu-ray players, on the other hand, aren't a scam. If they'd been used the right way in the beginning to play multi-featured discs back then they'd be a fantastic upgrade for those of us who always wanted a DVD jukebox from Sony which actually worked properly. The bonus features which allow Netflix, Amazon, Hulu and other streaming services through the same boxes are also commendable additions.
But is it worth upgrading everything to Blu-ray when you already have a huge DVD collection already? The answer is no. You aren't going to get any benefit out of it. The DVDs you own will automatically be up-scaled by the Blu-ray player to the resolution of your new HDTV, but most HDTVs should do that with a standard DVD player anyway. That's also the same process used by most of the Blu-ray manufacturers who claim to have "remastered" the movies. What did they do? They enlarged the picture and burnt it back onto Blu-ray, that's all. Give me a break! Only a movie filmed in HD specifically for the Blu-ray format is ever going to look "better" (and without letterboxing) because your old beloved '80s slashers probably don't even exist on a better format originally than VHS or Beta (if you are lucky).
So the process might be more intricate in the case of transferring 35mm prints to Blu-ray than merely up-scaling low-budget horror DVDs, but the principle remains the same. If the original source material is crap, the result of the transfer will be too. It's not some kind of magic that turns fuzzy into non-fuzzy at the press of a button. In some cases, it nearly is, but not really. But do you really believe that anyone is going to invest the time or money into rescanning movies when a few digital enhancements are all that it will take to satisfy the masses? Of course, not. 99.9% of "remastered" Blu-ray movies are the same as the DVD except up-scaled and re-burnt onto new media.
Does one movie really require the whole 50 GB of space for the resulting image to be stored on? Hell, no! You could fit 10 remastered movies on each Blu-ray disc if you wanted to, but obviously the movie studios don't want to do that. They want you to buy everything again individually apart from the movies which didn't sell well in the first place. They don't care about those at all which is why there are so many DVD multi-feature bargains to be found.
While the majority of people would rather buy multipacks of two or three movies per side of a flipper disc, the single feature scam continues to entice the cash from the wallets of those people with more money than sense.
Do yourself a favour this Christmas. Just say no to Blu-ray until the movie distributors start using the format properly.
50 GB is around 12 times the storage space of standard DVD discs with 4.3 GB yet still entire seasons of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", for example, don't come on a single Blu-ray disc. What the Hell? Why?
"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" isn't even on Blu-ray, but the seasons do already exist in 6 disc DVD packs. Theoretically, that means that 6 seasons should fit on 3 Blu-ray discs. Give or take a few pointless extras and maybe adding the original 1992 movie to a boxset, the maximum number of Blu-ray discs needed would be 4. How much do you want to bet that when "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" does come out on Blu-ray, there'll still be 6 Blu-ray discs to every pack and the price will be doubled?
What's the reason for this? Do you think that the original 4:3 ratioed, standard television format shows will be magically enhanced somehow to make them clearer or the stories will become any better because of it? You can't save the final season of "Buffy" from being crap anyway no matter how much you polish the turd, but I digressed. No, the truth is that Blu-ray is a scam.
No matter what the media and the nerd blogs tell you, there's no huge difference between the transfers of movies available on DVD and Blu-ray in the same way that DVD was a huge technological upgrade from VHS. The movie industry simply needed something else to get money out of people. If there is any benefit at all, it's that the plastic which covers the label where the information is really stored is a little bit harder to scratch. It's still not impossible though. Errors in duplication are just as frequent too.
I've seen Blu-ray discs which look absolutely no different to the DVD versions of the same movie. I've also seen transfers to Blu-ray which are a lot worse so it's become obvious that it's all a con. Unless you have a huge HDTV with at least a 70 inch screen, you aren't going to notice much difference either way. On my 3 year old 42 inch television, there's no difference at all.
Blu-ray players, on the other hand, aren't a scam. If they'd been used the right way in the beginning to play multi-featured discs back then they'd be a fantastic upgrade for those of us who always wanted a DVD jukebox from Sony which actually worked properly. The bonus features which allow Netflix, Amazon, Hulu and other streaming services through the same boxes are also commendable additions.
But is it worth upgrading everything to Blu-ray when you already have a huge DVD collection already? The answer is no. You aren't going to get any benefit out of it. The DVDs you own will automatically be up-scaled by the Blu-ray player to the resolution of your new HDTV, but most HDTVs should do that with a standard DVD player anyway. That's also the same process used by most of the Blu-ray manufacturers who claim to have "remastered" the movies. What did they do? They enlarged the picture and burnt it back onto Blu-ray, that's all. Give me a break! Only a movie filmed in HD specifically for the Blu-ray format is ever going to look "better" (and without letterboxing) because your old beloved '80s slashers probably don't even exist on a better format originally than VHS or Beta (if you are lucky).
So the process might be more intricate in the case of transferring 35mm prints to Blu-ray than merely up-scaling low-budget horror DVDs, but the principle remains the same. If the original source material is crap, the result of the transfer will be too. It's not some kind of magic that turns fuzzy into non-fuzzy at the press of a button. In some cases, it nearly is, but not really. But do you really believe that anyone is going to invest the time or money into rescanning movies when a few digital enhancements are all that it will take to satisfy the masses? Of course, not. 99.9% of "remastered" Blu-ray movies are the same as the DVD except up-scaled and re-burnt onto new media.
Does one movie really require the whole 50 GB of space for the resulting image to be stored on? Hell, no! You could fit 10 remastered movies on each Blu-ray disc if you wanted to, but obviously the movie studios don't want to do that. They want you to buy everything again individually apart from the movies which didn't sell well in the first place. They don't care about those at all which is why there are so many DVD multi-feature bargains to be found.
While the majority of people would rather buy multipacks of two or three movies per side of a flipper disc, the single feature scam continues to entice the cash from the wallets of those people with more money than sense.
Do yourself a favour this Christmas. Just say no to Blu-ray until the movie distributors start using the format properly.
May 17, 2012
Time Magazine's 100 Best Movies List
Somebody recently drew my attention to Time magazine's list of the 100 "best movies" since Time's inception in 1923. It's not all that recent and has been kicking around the internet since 2005 as far as I can tell.
As I expected, not many horror movies made the list; "Bride of Frankenstein" (1935), "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" (1956), "King Kong" (1933), "The Fly" (1986), and "Psycho" (1960) are on there.
Only 5% of their top films come from the horror genre although, really, two of those are more sci-fi than horror, one is an adventure story, and one is a thriller
Whenever I see something like this, it really brings home the fact that my favourite genre is such a niche product and so despised by many.
Even though I disagree with nearly everything on this list, I've highlighted (in bold) all the movies which I've seen as an example of how their critics' piss poor taste in movies has no effect on what I choose to watch.
I've only watched 33 of these movies (34 if you include "The Singing Detective" which was actually a BBC TV series) or, in other words, a third of them. I have no interest in all those boring old black and white movies, comedies, or artsy-fartsy foreign rubbish.
I've honestly never even heard of 50% of these movies in the first place and only know anything about them now because I looked them up.
How many have you watched?
As I expected, not many horror movies made the list; "Bride of Frankenstein" (1935), "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" (1956), "King Kong" (1933), "The Fly" (1986), and "Psycho" (1960) are on there.
Only 5% of their top films come from the horror genre although, really, two of those are more sci-fi than horror, one is an adventure story, and one is a thriller
Whenever I see something like this, it really brings home the fact that my favourite genre is such a niche product and so despised by many.
Even though I disagree with nearly everything on this list, I've highlighted (in bold) all the movies which I've seen as an example of how their critics' piss poor taste in movies has no effect on what I choose to watch.
| Time Magazine's 100 Best Movies | |
| Aguirre: the Wrath of God (1972) The Apu Trilogy (1955, 1956, 1959) The Awful Truth (1937) Baby Face (1933) Bande à part (1964) Barry Lyndon (1975) Berlin Alexanderplatz (1980) Blade Runner (1982) Bonnie and Clyde (1967) Brazil (1985) Bride of Frankenstein (1935) Camille (1936) Casablanca (1942) Charade (1963) Children of Paradise (1945) Chinatown (1974) Chungking Express (1994) Citizen Kane (1941) City Lights (1931) City of God (2002) Closely Watched Trains (1966) The Crime of Monsieur Lange (1936) The Crowd (1928) Day for Night (1973) The Decalogue (1989) Detour (1945) The Discreet Charm of the Bourgeoisie (1972) Dodsworth (1936) Double Indemnity (1944) Dr. Strangelove (1964) Drunken Master II (1994) E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) 8 1/2 (1963) The 400 Blows (1959) Farewell My Concubine (1993) Finding Nemo (2003) The Fly (1986) The Godfather, Parts I and II (1972, 1974) The Good, The Bad and The Ugly (1966) Goodfellas (1990) A Hard Day’s Night (1964) His Girl Friday (1940) Ikiru (1952) In a Lonely Place (1950) Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956) It’s a Gift (1934) It’s a Wonderful Life (1946) Kandahar (2001) Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949) King Kong (1933) | The Lady Eve (1941) The Last Command (1928) Lawrence of Arabia (1962) Léolo (1992) The Lord of the Rings (2001-03) The Man With a Camera (1929) The Manchurian Candidate (1962) Meet Me in St. Louis (1944) Metropolis (1927) Miller’s Crossing (1990) Mon oncle d’Amérique (1980) Mouchette (1967) Nayakan (1987) Ninotchka (1939) Notorious (1946) Olympia, Parts 1 and 2 (1938) On the Waterfront (1954) Once Upon a Time in the West (1968) Out of the Past (1947) Persona (1966) Pinocchio (1940) Psycho (1960) Pulp Fiction (1994) The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985) Pyaasa (1957) Raging Bull (1980) Schindler’s List (1993) The Searchers (1956) Sherlock, Jr. (1924) The Shop Around the Corner (1940) Singin’ in the Rain (1952) The Singing Detective (1986) Smiles of a Summer Night (1955) Some Like It Hot (1959) Star Wars (1977) A Streetcar Named Desire (1951) Sunrise (1927) Sweet Smell of Success (1957) Swing Time (1936) Talk to Her (2002) Taxi Driver (1976) Tokyo Story (1953) A Touch of Zen (1971) Ugetsu (1953) Ulysses’ Gaze (1995) Umberto D (1952) Unforgiven (1992) White Heat (1949) Wings of Desire (1987) Yojimbo (1961) |
I've only watched 33 of these movies (34 if you include "The Singing Detective" which was actually a BBC TV series) or, in other words, a third of them. I have no interest in all those boring old black and white movies, comedies, or artsy-fartsy foreign rubbish.
I've honestly never even heard of 50% of these movies in the first place and only know anything about them now because I looked them up.
How many have you watched?
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