Devoured (2012)

"An intense, troubling film, boasting a spectacular lead performance from Marta Milans, DEVOURED calls to mind such bleak and visceral late '70s NY urban dramas as TAXI DRIVER and DRILLER KILLER in its expert depiction of alienation and escalating horror."

The synopsis from Amazon.co.uk describes "Devoured" so perfectly that there's very little I need to add. That product description absolutely nails it, uses the word "visceral" correctly, and reminds me of the days when I used to write such concise one or two sentence reviews instead of rambling on to fill up a blog post. For someone who doesn't often suffer from nostalgia, I miss those days a lot.

But as I wouldn't be me if I didn't have my own two cents to add, I will just say that I haven't enjoyed any "low-budget" movie as much I did this one. According to the IMDb, the estimated budget was only $1,500,000. That's still a huge amount of money for normal people, but hardly anything in movie industry terms, so maybe that's one of the few points in any independent movie's favour which I'm willing to concede. You don't need hundreds of millions of dollars to make a good movie if you know what you're doing, but the caveat is that you really do need to know what you're doing.

Although this is Greg Olliver's first horror movie, he's been around for a while making award-winning rock documentaries. His IMDb profile page details how he learnt his craft the right way by going to film school and then working his way up in the industry, so he isn't one of the half-arsed hobby horror filmmakers. The result of his knowledge and experience is that he has created an impressively adult "descent into madness" drama here which, despite its obviously Poe-like elements, isn't predictable at all.

Maybe I would have noticed some flaws if I hadn't been so captivated by Marta Milans as the lead, but the attention to detail is such that I doubt there are any important ones anyway. I would like to say that Marta Milans is to "Devoured" what Gretchen Lodge is to "Lovely Molly" (2011), since they both give outstanding performances which carry the rest of their respective movies, but that wouldn't be a completely accurate or fair comparison. It also wouldn't be fair on everyone else involved. Movies are a team effort, after all.

Everything about "Devoured" is as close to perfection as the budget allows. The cinematography is excellent, and from the script by Marc Landau to the smallest acting role, this is a classy, thought-provoking, and thoroughly engaging production. There are some movies which can draw you in as if you're living in them, and "Devoured" is certainly one of them. Whether you would actually want to live inside another person's nightmare is, however, another matter.

For an American movie, "Devoured" has a very European atmosphere and grittiness about it which means that it's bound to be a bigger success overseas, even if it's only for a niche audience. Such slow burns with great characterisation are unlikely to be so highly praised by the teenage slasher crowd who just want to see boobs and blood, and that's a real shame, but stranger things have happened. No matter what your age or tastes, if you call yourself a horror fan, you owe it to yourself to see this movie.

As far as I know, "Devoured" is currently only available from Amazon.co.uk as a DVD or Blu-ray. Hopefully, a US version will start appearing in stores soon. Keep an eye on the official website for further details.

Eva (2011)

"A shy genius is employed by his former university to design robot software."

Although "Eva" is really sci-fi, I needed something for "Fantasy Friday", and it fits this category too. In fact, it's closer to being a "Frankenstein"-esque fairytale than anything else, and for those of you who've noticed a theme going on this month, yes, it's another beautiful Spanish movie. I've been watching more foreign movies recently than ever before due to the lack of decent English language titles, but that will change again next week because I haven't got many new ones left.

Not to be confused with Peter Dickinson's YA novel of the same name (which I know you've never heard of!), "Eva" is about robots rather than chimpanzees, but it still brings up the same questions about life, consciousness, and what makes us what we are. The subject matter is a staple of sci-fi books and movies, so it's not the most original story in the world, and there are similarities to "Bicentennial Man" (1999) and "A.I. Artificial Intelligence" (2001).

I'm not going to knock the big Hollywood robot movies which are obviously excellent, but I enjoyed "Eva" just as much as "Bicentennial Man" and more than "A.I. Artificial Intelligence". Apart from a twist which I didn't see coming (but should have done!), there's a cat robot in "Eva" which is outstanding, plus I'm kind of in lust with Marta Etura who plays Lana. If you don't know who she is, check out "Sleep Tight" (2011) and "Los Últimos Días" (2013).

Marta Etura and Claudia Vega.

Detractors may say that "Eva" is too slow, overuses long shots, and the characters don't have much depth, but I disagree. There are no pacing problems, and the cinematography is very good indeed. The characters could have been fleshed out a little bit more, especially in the case of Alex Garel (played by Daniel Brühl) who is a bit boring even for a scientist, but there's enough made of them to tell the story. Bearing in mind that a 20 minute prologue (which is included on the Spanish Blu-ray) was removed to give more emphasis to the twist, the characters weren't originally so flat.

As "Eva" isn't set that far ahead in the future, there aren't too many weird effects used except at the robot lab and every time Alex runs his computer program. Some people may find that disappointing, but I didn't. Less is more, as they say, and the snowy location covers a multitude of sins. There are plenty of robots if you look for them including little horses, dogs, more traditional machines, and, of course, the cute prototype 519. Channelling Robin Williams slightly, Lluís Homar undoubtedly steals the show as creepy servant-robot Max. His menace is a total red herring though and is completely unintentional. In this movie, it's the "free robots" that you have to be careful of.

Claudia Vega as Eva.

Horror fans will notice several similarities to "Splice" (2009) but without the incestuous implications. Claudia Vega who plays Eva isn't as sexualised as some reviewers suggest despite a couple of scenes which might make you wonder. If anything, she comes across like a nicer version of the little girl in "Sleep Tight", and her use of age-inappropriate dialogue is meant as a clue to her secret instead of turning her into another Esther from "Orphan" (2009). I can't say any more about that without spoiling the movie for you, but it doesn't take a genius to work it out.

According to a rumour on the IMDb, the Weinsteins will be distributing "Eva" in the USA later this year. In what format, I have no idea, but I expect there will be a dubbed version for the hard of understanding, and an inevitable Hollywood remake eventually. For now, I recommend importing the English subtitled Blu-ray from Amazon.

The Hidden Face (2011)

(AKA "La cara oculta")



"A Spanish orchestra conductor deals with the mysterious disappearance of his girlfriend."

Don't watch the trailer!!!

I can't stress that enough! Do not watch the spoiler-filled trailer or read anything else about this beautiful movie before watching it!

All you need to know about "The Hidden Face" is that it was directed by Andrés Baiz, it's set in Bogotá, Colombia, and it stars Quim Gutiérrez, Martina García, and Clara Lago. Oh, and there's lots of lovely nudity too!

I'm not going to review it except to say that, just like its stars and location, it's almost perfect. This is what movies should be and used to be like before the handycam brigade ruined everything with their slew of shit.

"The Hidden Face" is simply one of the best Spanish thrillers that I've ever seen! The tension was so great that it had me shouting at the screen near the end, and I hope it will give you the same pleasure.

Just enjoy this one!

We Are What We Are (2010)

(AKA "Somos lo que hay")



"When the patriarch of the family passes away, the teenage children must take responsibility for the family chores: the preparation of the rituals, the hunting and putting the all-important meat on the table. These newfound responsibilities are even more daunting, however, when you live in the city and happen to be a family of cannibals."

Just a quick one for "Woeful Wednesday". I'm not going to spend much time on this older Mexican movie since the only reason I watched it was in preparation for the American remake which is coming soon.

Although I now love Spanish language movies (whether they be Mexican, Chilean, Colombian or Spanish), I didn't get much out of this one. "We Are What We Are" is more about the family's disintegration after the death of the father than it is about horror. There's plenty of blood and gore along the way. but most of the kills are off camera with only the aftermath shown. Don't believe the quote on the DVD cover about it being "a cannibal gore-fest" because it isn't.

Everything else you need to enjoy a movie is in place including decent (mainly handheld) camerawork and adequate acting, but the story isn't that great. For a family of cannibals, they are more about keeping a superstitious ritual going than appeasing their appetite, and they're pretty stupid in the way they go about it. Despite having some comic relief anyway, "We Are What We Are" might have been better played as a comedy.

Meh. Whatever.

I won't say that "We Are What We Are" is boring, but it does drag from time to time. There's a pretty girl in it, of course, who doesn't get to do as much as the others, so it's also a bit barren on the tottie front. Hopefully, Paulina Gaitan, the aforementioned pretty girl, will turn up in something horrific again one day because, apparently, she's become quite successful in other Mexican movies and TV shows.

I really don't have anything else to say about this movie. It has a few similarities to "Spider Baby" (1968), "The Hamiltons" (2006), and "Mum and Dad" (2008), but it's not even close to being as entertaining as any of them, and the ending is full of clichés. Thus, I wasn't completely disappointed, but I wasn't amazed by it either. "We Are What We Are" is simply an instantly forgettable movie which could have been so much better.

Here's a trailer for the remake (with the genders of the family members changed) which I might not watch now. It does look quite good though.

Atrocious (2010)

"Two teenage siblings endure a terrifying experience while investigating a rural legend near their family's vacation home."

Thank God for "Bloody Disgusting Selects", not because the horror movies they've chosen are any good but because it's easy to write them off with a tirade of abuse.

"Atrocious" is yet another faux found footage movie in much the same vein as "The Blair Witch Project", and we all know how little I think of that piece of shit. Other than being Spanish, the only real difference is that the kids are younger, and that, in and of itself, is a big clue to the intended target audience.

After an exceedingly boring first-half with nothing but a dead dog to show for it, it all becomes a series of poorly filmed night vision scenes of lots of bushes and trees! Give or take some annoying screaming and shouting, it's just like watching a typical episode of "Ghost Hunters" which doesn't have any ghosts in it either.

With nauseating camerawork and no scares, "Atrocious" certainly lives up to its name and is going straight into the dungeon. I don't have time to watch any more shakycam crap like this, and I didn't have the patience to make it all the way through this one.

Supposedly, it has some kind of non-supernatural twist at the end.

Aptly named.

Baby Shower (2011)

"Four ex-classmates get together to celebrate the pregnancy of one of them. The venue chosen for the party is a country house located one hour away from the city. It has been a while since the four of them saw each other for the last time, and one recently committed betrayal threatens to destroy their long and deep friendship. The revelation of a dark secret and a series of violent deaths transform the baby shower into a nightmare. A very disturbing one."

Something which surprised me after watching "Baby Shower", and then looking up reviews to steal pictures from, is that there aren't any positive reviews of this movie to be found on the IMDb (or anywhere else for that matter). That seems very odd to me, and means one of two things: either not enough people have seen this movie yet, or a lot of copying and pasting has been done from one review to another. Bearing in mind that the "critics" in every case mainly retell the story in their own spoilerific words, I have no respect for any of them, least of all one who hated the movie because it had subtitles, and another douchebag who I know didn't give it his full attention because he practically lives on Twitter.

I have no idea what director Pablo Illanes did to upset these "reviewers" apart from placing non-comedic versions of the "Sex and the City" girls in the middle of a Chilean forest and bumping them off in fabulously gory ways—especially as I think the whole idea is absolutely fantastic—so just because he's managed to bring one of my own sordid dreams to life, I'm going to give "Baby Shower" a thoroughly positive review to redress the balance.

Okay, I admit that in my imagination, it would only be the most irritating characters from "Sex and the City" being tortured in insanely erotic ways that wouldn't ever legally make it to film, but you have to take what you can get. Obviously, nobody would want to see anything bad happen to Charlotte (Kristin Davis), since she's the only pretty one in the show, and I'm pleased to say that her lookalike Ángela (Ingrid Isensee) doesn't suffer too much either (except emotionally!). Everyone else does—oh, yes, indeedy—and there's lots of blood, nudity, and mean-spiritness to enjoy here!

Aside from (but including) the boobs and blood, the cinematography is sometimes quite beautiful, especially for a low-budget foreign movie (if you can call $900,000 low-budget!), and the location looks the part. Where logically there should be spaciousness, the atmosphere is parodoxically claustrophobic, and that takes some doing, especially as the camera looks at everything you want to see and quite a few unpleasant things which most people don't!

"You have to let go of who you were to become who you will be."

With a hint of "Rosemary's Baby" (1968) and a little bit of the craziness from "Inside" (2007), the plot itself isn't the most original, but it's handled in a much better way than either of those aforementioned borefests. Let's face it, I might like "Rosemary's Baby" myself, but it's still 45 years old and has become horribly dated now. It was never very believable to begin with, and teenagers are more likely to laugh at it. On the other hand, "Inside" is simply an overrated idiot play with unrealistic gore, and I'll never understand its appeal if I live to be a hundred.

Thus, even with its stereotypical characters which aren't really developed, and other clichés such as non-functioning cell phones abounding, "Baby Shower" is much more suitable for a modern audience, especially if they're sick puppies like me who appreciate realistic woundings and creative kills. The fact that the actresses are some of the best-looking women in Chile also doesn't hurt. Just pick out your favourite and enjoy her for as long as she remains on screen.

Once again, I'm not going to give any spoilers because I hate it when other people do that. Suffice it to say that the sexy "Samantha" character called Olivia (Claudia Burr) steals the show from creepy lunatic Soledad (Patricia López), but the rest of the cast are still impressive. In particular, Sofía García, Francisca Merino, and Kiki Rojo don't play typical helpless victims; they fight back and scream very well indeed!

The only eyecandy for the ladies is Álvaro Gómez as Julio whose first appearance is shirtless and riding a horse, so you can imagine the impression that makes! He's not quite Marcus Tandy from "Eldorado", but women shouldn't be watching horror movies for hunky men anyway. To be honest, women shouldn't ever watch horror movies like this in the first place because they'll only bitch about the gratuitous nudity, misogynistic violence, and rape afterwards. I've had enough of those prudes to last me a lifetime, and I'm sure you have too.

As "Baby Shower" isn't available on DVD yet (except in Germany), you'll have to be a Netflix subscriber to see it legally anywhere else, but you should definitely check it out if you're into the gory stuff, and unlike some dumbass reviewers, you don't mind reading subtitles.

Highly recommended.

My Top Ten Spanish Horror Films

Yes, it's just another lazy "Top Ten" post, but to be even lazier, I'm not even going to say anything about these films other than post their synopses from the IMDb.

I do, of course, reserve the right to come back and add a mini-review of each film later, but all you need to know is that they are great. You can now throw away every other horror movie and thriller you own because these are the best of the best!

No, not really, but I really do wish that it was that simple.

Spain has started to become the new Canada in the way that its filmmakers borrow plots from several existing movies and mix them together, but they do it very well indeed. The cinematography in every case is exactly what real films should look like, and the actresses are the hottest in the world. If only the stories weren't so clichéd, and the movies were a little bit more brutal instead of so cerebral, Spain would rule the horror industry.


1. The Orphanage - El orfanato (2007)

"A woman brings her family back to her childhood home, which used to be an orphanage for handicapped children. Before long, her son starts to communicate with an invisible new friend."

It's only $5 in Wal-mart, so you've all got this now.

Read my review here.


2. Spectre - Espectro: Regreso a Moira (2006)

"Alejandro is an elderly writer, and is driving back to the small costal village where he was born and raised. But the peaceful place of his memories has been turned into a vast tourist resort, full of brazen consumerism with no charm left at all."

The best of the "Films to Keep You Awake" (aka "Películas para no dormir") series. It's like "The Reflecting Skin" (1990), but Natalia Millán is far sexier than Lindsay Duncan.

I haven't written a full review of this yet.


3. Childish Games - Dictado (2012)

"Daniel and Laura, both teachers, are confronted by an unusual situation when Mario, a childhood friend of Daniel's, turns up acting strangely and wanting them to meet his daughter, Julia."

Bárbara Lennie is hot!

Review coming very soon!


4. [Rec] (2007)

"A television reporter and cameraman follow emergency workers into a dark apartment building and are quickly locked inside with something terrifying."

It's only "Demons 2" (1986) with shakycams, and I actually prefer "Quarantine" (the remake) in some ways, but... this has a more supernatural ending.

Read my review here.


5. Sleep Tight - Mientras duermes (2011)

"You wake day after day to the comfort and security of your home. But how safe is it really?"

A thriller/drama with horror elements... and Marta Etura, OMG!

Read my review here.


6. Thesis - Tesis (1996)

"While doing a thesis about violence, Ángela finds a snuff video where a girl is tortured until death. Soon she discovers that the girl was a former student in her faculty."

Directed by Alejandro Amenábar. Starring Ana Torrent, Fele Martínez, and Eduardo Noriega! What more do you need to know?

Review coming soon!


7. Julia's Eyes - Los ojos de Julia (2010)

"The story of a woman who is slowly losing her sight whilst trying to investigate the mysterious death of her twin sister."

I haven't written a review of this either because it's more of a thriller than a horror. But Belén Rueda again, oh yes!


8. The Devil's Backbone - El espinazo del diablo (2001)

"After Carlos, a 12-year-old whose father has died in the Spanish Civil War, arrives at an ominous boy's orphanage he discovers the school is haunted and has many dark secrets that he must uncover."

You don't even need me to review this, do you? Maybe I will one day.


9. Kidnapped - Secuestrados (2010)

"Three hooded Eastern-European criminals burst into a home in a Madrid gated community, holding the family hostage in its own home, and forcing the father to empty his credit cards."

It's a home invasion movie which makes "You're Next" look even less original. I thought I'd already reviewed it, but apparently not.


10. Painless - Insensibles (2012)

"Set in Catalonia, Painless weaves two stories: in one, starting during the Spanish Civil War and running through to the '60s, an asylum attempts to rehabilitate children who feel no pain, by teaching them physical suffering. In the second, in the present time, a brilliant neurosurgeon who needs a bone marrow transplant, discovers this dark past when he searches for his biological parents."

Read my review here.


This is how the Horror Lamers do it and get hundreds of comments, right?

[REC] 4 Apocalypse posters revealed!

Los Últimos Días (2013)

"2013. A mysterious epidemic spreads across the planet. Humanity develops an irrational fear of open spaces that causes instant death. Soon, the world population is trapped inside buildings."

It's taken me almost a week to get through this Spanish sci-fi adventure, but don't let that put you off because it's not a bad one! For a number of reasons in real life including the heat and babysitting someone else's three cats, I just couldn't get into this movie as much as I wanted to.

Having finished it only a few minutes ago, I don't think we have a classic here, but "Los Últimos Días" (which you don't need to be an Einstein to translate as "The Last Days") is another competent apocalyptic fantasy from David and Àlex Pastor. As a similarly themed but totally unrelated follow-up to "Carriers" (2009), the generic plot is, once again, more concerned with separations and reunions than anything too cerebral, although if you like this subgenre as much as I do, you'll be pleased with it overall.

Starring Quim Gutiérrez (yes, that really is his name!) as Marc Delgado, and José Coronado from "The Body" (2012) as Enrique his companion, "Los Últimos Días" is nicely acted but very reminiscent of "The Happening" (2008) at times. With no reason given (but some ecological ones suggested along the way) for why the world's human population has started to drop dead from agoraphobia, our heroes' quest isn't for answers or a cure however, but mainly to reunite Marc with his girlfriend Julia.

Rather than being sci-fi per se, the story is set in the present and plays out as a kind of one-sided ancient Greek novel with various problems for the protagonists to overcome. Despite frequent flashbacks, the focus is on the male-bonding between Marc and Enrique in ways which shamelessly homage "The Edge" (1997) while being completely different in intention. I'm not going to spoil it for you, but one scene and its aftermath is a very recognisable borrowing.

To offset the clichéd sausagefest, female eyecandy is mostly provided by gorgeous Marta Etura from "Sleep Tight" (2011) as Julia. Unfortunately, she has very little screen time compared to the importance of her character. To compensate, the two or three fans of "[REC]³ Génesis" (2012) will be pleased to see Leticia Dolera as Julia's friend Andrea, especially as she briefly gets to kick ass again!

Beards are very popular in Spain.

The rest of the cast is comprised of Spanish TV actors (mostly from soaps and miniseries) which is de rigueur with these Barcelona-based productions. Spain is now as guilty of overusing their limited supply of actors and actresses as much as Australia, but I'm willing to let that slide. I've recently become very biased in favour of Spanish movies due to their consistently beautiful cinematography and solid characterisation which makes everything in modern American movies look cheap, soulless and amateur.

As most of the claustrophic action takes place in tunnels, sewers, and stairwells, the balance between unrealistic sources of light and being too dark to see what's going on is handled perfectly. There's none of the Zippo lighter being able to illuminate a whole room nonsense here, and bless them, our heroes even mention that trope and find an inventive way around it! There's not a great deal of humour, but there's a lot of such wittiness in the dialogue if you're open to it.

The make-up/wardrobe crew are also to be congratulated for making Marc and Enrique look progressively and realistically filthier. That's the thing here though; there's so much realism that the ridiculousness of their situation can almost be forgotten. Further attention to detail in the set dressing certainly helps to make everything more epic, and it's only a couple of CGI-enhanced views of the city outside which ever give away the modest, non-Hollywood budget.

Inevitably, for all of its good points, "Los Últimos Días" is still not without a few lapses in logic and some blatant contrivances, but it's very easy to willingly suspend your disbelief and just enjoy the ride. Thus, I have no problem with recommending "Los Últimos Días" as a rental or even a purchase once it gets an official US release. At the moment, the only version available is an overpriced Blu-ray import, so you may want to wait for a while.

The Body (2012)

(AKA El Cuerpo)



"A detective searches for the body of a femme fatale which has gone missing from a morgue."

If you're a regular follower of my Twitter feed or Facebook page, you'll know that I've been raving about this thriller intermittently ever since I first heard about it. Not only am I an enthusiastic ogler of Belén Rueda, but I naively expected "The Body" to get a theatrical release.

Unfortunately, after only playing at a few festivals, "The Body" has gone straight-to-DVD (and Blu-ray) in the UK, and there's still no news of any US release. This is a bit of a disappointment, but it's only to be expected in a country where envious eyes are probably drawing up their plans for a remake and holding off distribution for as long as possible. Such shenanigans surrounded "[REC]", "Let the Right One In" and "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo", so I have every reason to be cynical. Also, since this movie is already so American in style, you just have to laugh at the irony of anyone wanting to remake it in the first place, but I'm sure it'll happen eventually.

"The Body", you see, is a genuine homage to classic film noir without falling into the neo-noir trap. It's a contemporary version of Agatha Christie-style thrillers for the most part with twist on top of twist. It also owes a great deal to Chan-wook Park's "Vengeance Trilogy" stylistically, but only insofar as Park's movies also homage better pulp mysteries of the past. "The Body" is as beautifully filmed but less taxing on the senses as, essentially, it's an easy to follow "popcorn flick" dressed up to look like more than it really is. That is until, of course, everything is revealed at the end.

Without giving away the plot too much, all I can tell you is that "The Body" is mainly a police investigation which takes place over one rainy night with flashbacks and some hypothetical scenes of events which may not have happened. Structurally, it's reminiscent of "Endless Night" (1972) and "Basic Instinct" (1992) but not without a couple of healthy dollops of "Sunset Blvd." (1950) mixed in. Thus, noir genre fans should feel right at home among the formulas. One very gory make-up effect will please horror fans too.

Belén Rueda and Hugo Silva.

While some people might say that "The Body" is clichéd, generic, and a little bit too slick for its own good, the perfect pacing, atmosphere, and performances turn it into a very classy piece of storytelling. There's maybe not quite enough depth to the characterisation to cause empathy, but you could say that about "Double Indemnity" (1944) or any of the Bogart vehicles. Two-dimensional characterisation is crucial for the various reveals in such thrillers anyway. Outside of Mankiewicz or Hitchcock, there's never been much time devoted to character driven mysteries which actually work, and writer/director Oriol Paulo hasn't taken that route with "The Body" either.

The focus is on Hugo Silva, who as Álex Ulloa is trapped like a fly skewered on a pin, and José Coronado as the tenacious detective Jaime Peña who questions him. Both are well cast in their roles although there are moments when it's hard to believe that bearded and bespectacled Hugo Silva would have enticed not one but two beautiful women into his bed. With much sport made of Belén Rueda's age along the way, Álex Ulloa is immediately defined as a gold digger who has bitten off more than he can chew this time, and he's not a likeable character.

José Coronado, on the other hand, doesn't develop any further than being a typical cop haunted by his own "Lost Lenore" tragedy. He certainly looks the part, and even the most casual glance at his previous TV and film credits indicate that he's been typecast here. In case you're wondering, a lead role in "R.I.S. Científica" (a one-season Spanish version of C.S.I.) is his most recent claim to fame. There's a little bit more to detective Jaime Peña than meets the eye, but you'll have to find out what that is by watching this movie yourself. Unlike some over-privileged, douchebag movie reviewers, I'm not going to give away the details.

Sadly, Belén Rueda doesn't get nearly as much screen time as she did in "The Orphanage" (2007) or "Julia's Eyes" (2010)—both of which are credited to the producers of this movie—but she still has a very important part to play even as a corpse. That bit I can give away because it's in the synopsis. However, as a compensation for the lack of Belén Rueda's MILFy goodness, Aura Garrido provides a decent amount of eyecandy as Álex's girlfriend Carla. Once again, there's more to her than just a pretty face.

Aura Garrido as Carla.

The supporting players are all top notch Spanish TV actors from various dramas which haven't travelled. Some stand out more than others including fierce-looking Patrícia Bargalló as Agent Norma who deserved to have a bigger part. Trust me, you'll notice her because she looks like Noomi Rapace from "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo". I'm sure it's meant to be an intentional in-joke as there are several other visual homages to that movie. For even more fun, write down a list of as many famous thrillers as you can remember before watching "The Body" and tick off all the lines of dialogue that you've heard before.

Ultimately, "The Body" is a noir-geek's paradise for identifying all the "borrowings", but that's exactly what it's meant to be to some extent. Despite its overall serious tone, and one "gross-out" moment, the ending is so contrived that you know little more was intended than a display of Oriol Paulo's erudition and some very dark humour. Make no mistake, "The Body" is not a comedy—no jokes are cracked, and nobody except Belén Rueda laughs—but that doesn't stop it being witty for other reasons. Whereas some thrillers allow the journey to become more important than the destination (or vice versa), "The Body" is pleasing throughout.

Even if you're not a big fan of mysteries and thrillers, "The Body" is easily the best movie you will see this year.

Click the pic to visit the official Facebook page.

Painless (2012)

(AKA Insensibles)



"Set in Catalonia, Painless weaves two stories: in one, starting during the Spanish Civil War and running through to the '60s, an asylum attempts to rehabilitate children who feel no pain, by teaching them physical suffering. In the second, in the present time, a brilliant neurosurgeon who needs a bone marrow transplant, discovers this dark past when he searches for his biological parents."

Since American horror is as dead as a zombie that's just been shot in the head, incinerated, and ground-up into ink to be used to print more articles from Lianne Spiderbaby in Fangoria, I've decided to return my attention to the European offerings as I continue my quest to find something horrific again. Sadly, for all of its beautiful camerawork and moments of brilliance, "Painless" was not what I was looking for.

Ostensibly a drama about congenital analgesia, "Painless" has much the same look and atmosphere as "American Horror Story: Asylum" but without the silly bits. It's pretty dour stuff all the way through since that's exactly what anyone should expect from a story set mostly during the various civil wars in Spain. If you've ever seen "The Devil's Backbone" (2001) or "Pan's Labyrinth" (2006), they have a similar socio-political commentary in the background. You can tell that director Juan Carlos Medina (actually an American by birth) fancies himself as the new Guillermo del Toro, but employing Luis Berdejo Arribas, the weaker writer from the "[REC]" series, hasn't helped his cause.

While the acting is to the same high standard as any of the big name Spanish movies from the last 10 years, the script leaves the characters begging to be more than two-dimensional. The highlight is seeing a now totally unrecognisable Derek de Lint from "Poltergeist: The Legacy" playing a German doctor who speaks Spanish. Minor as it is, he's the only one allowed to have any development.

"Domi-nique -nique -nique s'en allait tout simplement, routier, pauvre et chantant."

Other than the modern half of the story being a lot less interesting than the first hour of period set scenes, "Painless" becomes very rushed and contrived in its last third. Even if I had a thorough knowledge of Spanish political history, I doubt that it would make a great deal of sense, plus there are enormous plotholes.

Yes, there are real, physical plotholes rather than continuity errors or small lapses in logic that can be reasoned away. For one thing, I would love to know what the inmates of the hospital, especially Berkano (Tómas Lemarquis), get to eat during their incarceration. I know the kids are supposed to have supernatural abilities along with their inability to feel pain, but a couple of spoonfuls of soup, in one important case, couldn't keep a mouse alive! Cannibalism is suggested later on, but for five years with only one rotting corpse to feed on? Not likely, is it?

"We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious!"

For a reasonably well-funded movie, the production values are excellent. The cinematography is competent with only a few moments where things are too dark, the sound is good, and the location covers a multitude of sins. Unfortunately, "Painless" lacks spectacle after promising so much with its admittedly CGI-enhanced opening scene.

Plodding rather than thrilling, "Painless" is worth a rental, but it's visually better than the story it delivers.

Curandero (2005)

"A journey that takes one man into the bowels of black magic in Mexico City."

While I was out taking my thousands of empty Monster cans to the recycling bin, I decided to have a quick look at the new releases in Target and came across this little gem. By "gem", however, I do actually mean "an obscure 8 year old former Miramax/Dimension title which has finally been released by Lionsgate".

Fearing the worst of any DVD with the words "Robert Rodriguez presents" on its artwork, I didn't buy a copy of it but waited until I got home again to watch it online. It's not directed by Robert Rodriguez (nor is its real director Eduardo Rodriguez any relation to him) so I figured it would be worth a "rental".

Set in a similar grainy-looking, washed-out world as "Borderland" (2007) but played like a gorier mixture of "Constantine" (2005) and "Night Watch/Day Watch" (2004/2006), "Curandero" is very much a product of that time and tries hard to be another cult action-horror. If it hadn't been for those other movies and all the financial shenanigans at Miramax, it may have succeeded back then too.

The characters are actually quite good although very similar to the heroes and villains of Timur Bekmambetov's adaptations of Sergei Lukyanenko's "Dozor" tetralogy. Carlos the charismatic curandero isn't a million miles away from being Anton Gorodetsky from "Night Watch" complete with hallucinations, and his enemy Castaneda (Gabriel Pingarrón) is really only a far more spiteful version of Zavulon. Castaneda is almost as nasty a piece of work as any of the narcosatanicos in "Borderland" but without the good looks of Santillian.

Carlos Gallardo and Gizeht Galatea

Even the plot is quite similar to "Night Watch" and "Day Watch" with a "chosen one", lots of magic in a modern day urban setting, and some scenes which look almost identical. A certain chase through a market only needs "The Gloom" for it to be lifted straight from "Day Watch". It's a chicken and the egg conundrum as to which really came first given the date of this movie.

With hardly anything explained as you go along, nothing is handed to you on a plate immediately. Everything is explained eventually so just bear with it. I like this way of storytelling, but it was a major criticism of "Night Watch" and "Day Watch" from the hard of understanding crowd who tried to cover their ignorance by using words like "foreign mythology" in their reviews when that wasn't really the problem. Suffice it to say that none of these movies have any traditional mythology except that which has been invented for the story itself. Huge exposition scenes may be lacking, but since nobody does exposition properly anymore, that's another good thing.

There's lots of gore, a very Mexican colour palette which you will either love or hate, and a very beautiful heroine in the form of Gizeht Galatea as federal agent Magdalena. The partnership between Magdalena and Carlos is so like that of Olivia (Anna Torv) and Peter (Joshua Jackson) from "Fringe" that I wouldn't put it past J.J. Abrams and his team not to have taken some inspiration from this movie. Oh, yes, there are subtitles too so thickies need not apply.

My only problem with "Curandero" is that the pacing is a little bit quick over the ground. It's no worse than "Constantine", but I could quite happily have watched another hour of the same characters doing their thing. The effects are great, but the characters would certainly have benefited from some more fleshing out (no pun intended).

I highly recommend "Curandero" if you are looking for something slightly formulaic but a bit different. It's not really worth the new release price, but you can watch it online for $3.99 and probably find it in a Redbox kiosk.